I just sent a termination email

Lrad123 · Apr 09, 2019 at 08:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

I see this therapist as an asshole who has a desperate client willing to put up will all sorts of convoluted nonsense in the hopes that something might help.

That sounds like a pretty strong reaction for this situation. FWIW, I don’t feel “desperate” and I’m pretty sure my therapist is not an “asshole.” I’m able to disagree or endure complex uncomfortable situations with my therapists (and others in my life) without jumping to those conclusions (although I admit I’m not always very graceful about it). It’s much more complicated than that, but I understand that I can only present a tiny fraction of my therapy relationship in these PC posts, and your own personal history and relationships play into your opinions and reactions.

stopdog · 09:30 AM

How is that different from anyone else who responds to anything? Of course my own history, personality etc play into how I respond. I think everyone's does. This is my response to the description you provided of this therapist - this is how I see it.
I was reporting how I saw it and fully admitting it is how I view most therapists - particularly the authoritarian ones or the ones who compare themselves to parents training children- not trying to convince anyone else to agree with me. I consider the twister- like maneuvers clients make to justify the actions of therapists (who I believe to mostly be morally bereft assholes) to be of concern, but if other people do not, then my opinion surely has no bearing on how one engages with the therapist one hires.

Anne2.0 · Apr 09, 2019 at 09:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lrad123

I’m able to disagree or endure complex uncomfortable situations with my therapists (and others in my life) without jumping to those conclusions (although I admit I’m not always very graceful about it).

FWIW in my reading of your posts, I think you are quite good at tolerating the uncomfortable situation that surrounds the emailing process and its history with your therapist. You reflect and react, react and reflect, seem able to hold it up to the light and consider the disagreement itself as well as your emotional responses, examining it from different angles. I don't really see the issue as whether you should dump your therapist or remain in therapy (regardless of the circumstances). Rather it seems that this disagreement/discomfort with your therapist has been useful to you in understanding yourself better, an opportunity to learn about how and why you approach or don't approach situations. You seem to be in a new place with it, and that seems like progress to me.

But I am curious, if you want to share, whether the vacation break from therapy and now going back (if you are) have resulted in any changes in your email practice or how you respond to it, or how session(s) have felt?

Lrad123 · Apr 09, 2019 at 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

But I am curious, if you want to share, whether the vacation break from therapy and now going back (if you are) have resulted in any changes in your email practice or how you respond to it, or how session(s) have felt?

It may be too soon to tell, but it feels like something has shifted and I can now see him as just a regular human being (mostly) rather than this scary guy who was trying to creep into my private inner world. At least that’s how it felt for the 2 sessions I had last week, and we’ll see if it holds up tomorrow. I haven’t emailed or even felt the urge to email for the last two weeks. It’s felt like a relief. Don’t want to jinx myself, though!

BudFox · Apr 09, 2019 at 05:59 PM

I think therapists who claim the ability to significantly remedy childhood trauma or abuse or neglect are possibly straight up sociopaths with delusions of grandeur.

And if they claim to do it all day long, on a schedule, then it's drive-thru reparenting, and that's pretty scary.

It's a clinical version of a parent-child relationship, where the "parent" is not bonded to the "child" emotionally or biologically, but rather monetarily and ideologically.

I have not had a therapist who was a strong reliable presence. Most were checked out and going thru the motions, a few were nuts.

These theories about child development they throw around have little to do with therapy. It's a huge leap, but therapists make it all the time.

I would not use a paid consultant/life coach/counselor/whatever as the hub around which I tried to rebuild my emotional-psychological self.

susannahsays · Apr 09, 2019 at 06:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BudFox

It's a clinical version of a parent-child relationship, where the "parent" is not bonded to the "child" emotionally or biologically, but rather monetarily and ideologically.

Well that's terrifying.

Quote:

I would not use a paid consultant/pal/life coach/counselor/whatever as the hub around which I tried to rebuild my emotional-psychological self.

What would you use as the hub?

starfishing · Apr 09, 2019 at 07:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BudFox

I think therapists who claim the ability to significantly remedy childhood trauma or abuse or neglect are possibly straight up sociopaths with delusions of grandeur.

And if they claim to do it all day long, on a schedule, then it's drive-thru reparenting, and that's pretty scary.

It's a clinical version of a parent-child relationship, where the "parent" is not bonded to the "child" emotionally or biologically, but rather monetarily and ideologically.

I have not had a therapist who was a strong reliable presence. Most were checked out and going thru the motions, a few were nuts.

These theories about child development they throw around have little to do with therapy. It's a huge leap, but therapists make it all the time.

I would not use a paid consultant/life coach/counselor/whatever as the hub around which I tried to rebuild my emotional-psychological self.

Plenty of therapists work with people on issues related to childhood trauma, abuse, and neglect without making any claims of "reparenting" anyone. I agree that the reparenting concept, in its more literal forms, is overreaching to the point of irresponsibility and can be scary. But that's not all that therapy is or can be.

BudFox · Apr 09, 2019 at 08:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by susannahsays

What would you use as the hub?

Dunno. My point was about what i would not do, to avoid further problems. The model of a web of interconnected elements/practices seems better than the model of the almighty therapist as the center of the universe.

BudFox · Apr 09, 2019 at 08:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by starfishing

Plenty of therapists work with people on issues related to childhood trauma, abuse, and neglect without making any claims of "reparenting" anyone. I agree that the reparenting concept, in its more literal forms, is overreaching to the point of irresponsibility and can be scary. But that's not all that therapy is or can be.

True but if we put therapists on a continuum in this regard, I'd say most of them are pretty far along toward the crazy end of things... claiming or believing they possess various abilities and magical powers that are not reality-based or not ethically-based. Most of the therapists i interacted with were deluded. Same goes for much of the professional literature.

Shotokan Karate · Apr 10, 2019 at 11:04 AM

I am sorry that you are going through so much pain. I think that was rotten and untherapeutic of him not to discuss why he did what he did. I would tell him how much he hurt you, and now you can't trust him.

In my area, the psychologists and psychiatrists tend not to give out their email addresses and do not allow texting (not even for appointments). So, this type of situation won't occur. These were some of the reasons that were given for no email or texting. One, I think it is having to do with confidentiality (texts and emails can accidentally be sent to the wrong person.). Two, therapy really should take place in the office because of the possibility of written miscommunication.

Anne2.0 · Apr 10, 2019 at 12:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lrad123

It may be too soon to tell, but it feels like something has shifted and I can now see him as just a regular human being (mostly) rather than this scary guy who was trying to creep into my private inner world. At least that’s how it felt for the 2 sessions I had last week, and we’ll see if it holds up tomorrow. I haven’t emailed or even felt the urge to email for the last two weeks. It’s felt like a relief. Don’t want to jinx myself, though!

I don't think you can jinx yourself talking about what's true in the past. Expectations for the future, however . . . . but, seriously, I'm so happy to hear that it's been easier. Makes sense, with all the off-session processing, I think. Good luck with it.

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