[DarkTruffles]

I have been seeing this therapist for almost 3 months now & I like him overall; I do think he is listening to me not just trying to fix me, & enjoy talking to him. But I have time/day planing issues (we have talked about this) & I messed up a few days ago. I will mix up times, days, or sometimes places, for example, Say 'We'er going to the mall on Friday at 3'; my brain will grab onto details from another day, like if I heard someone talking about being somewhere at 1pm; my brain then turns it into going to the mall at 1 on Friday.

Another thing that happens when confusing times is that I confuse when I'm supposed be somewhere vs. when to arrive which started this issue.

I called the front telling her I wasn't going to make it, & In the background I herd a bellowing 'WHY?'. It was hard to hear what he was saying over the front desk lady trying to talk over him, but the more I heard him the more I was sure it was my therapist yelling. Parts I could get was 'she something' &, something how 'She needs to get her appointments-' (the rest I couldn't quite get); sense I've been a ball of stress replaying him yelling over & over, I'm stressed about going back to see him, what if he gets mad at me again?

I left a message two days after saying sorry & hoped he wasn't mad; until then I have 5 more days until I can talk to him about it. My stomach hurts just thinking about it, should I leave? He is helping a lot so far, should I really care if he yells about me as long as I don't hear it?

[here today]

Are you sure it was him yelling? Could it have been someone else? A relative of another client perhaps?

If it was him, then, yeah, that's not a good sign even if he was yelling about something else. Getting mad at you in person would definitely be a deal-breaker -- just walk out and never go back. But since you don't know that for sure yet maybe you can find out what happened at your next appointment and go from there.

[Anne2.0]

He might have been yelling because he was some distance away, like I sometimes raise my voice so someone can hear me (I also think why not just walk closer), as opposed to yelling because he was mad. I assume this yelling while you were on the phone with the office person is what you mean by getting mad "again?"

I kind of think he showed poor judgment, as surely a person realizes that anything they say to a person who is talking on the phone can be heard by the other party. If he hasn't raised his voice or yelled at you, I would say it is safe to go and talk to him about it at your next appointment. If he gets "mad" at you in person, that is again poor behavior by a therapist, and I wouldn't stand for that. While I can see how a therapist might be frustrated if you routinely miss appointments, especially because they can't bill insurance and it means they miss out on income, they shouldn't take their frustration out on you or even let it show inappropriately. Discussing it calmly, helping you find a solution that helps you get to your appointments, is okay.

But at the heart of this, why can't you devise a system that helps you get to your appointments, like writing them down in a datebook when you make them, insuring while in the process that you've got the right start time and date? It is harder to make process if you repeatedly miss your appointments.

[nottrustin]

I obviously dont know your T or the situation but would like to offer another possibility based upon my office. My office can be pretty busy between psychiatrists, therapists, etc. If everybody is in my office (the central location) it can get pretty loud. Somebody calling me could quite possibly thi k people are yelling. However, in reality there are often multiple conversations going on and they are completing to be heard. I often have to motion to people that I am on the phone so please lower their voices so I can hear. I have had people on the other end ask I'd everything is okay because of the (perceived) yellow.

Secondly, I have one psychiatrist who can be quite loud. When he is with patients he has a calm, soothing, often fatherly voice. When he is not with clients he can be loud he be excited about his sports teams winning or losing, he could be frustrated about something or not. Is it a possibility this could be the case with your therapist?

[growlycat]

Yes I’d find out if your t really was yelling about you or something else.

If however he was yelling about you this bothers me for at least a couple of reasons
First, this is one of your presenting issues that you need help with (unless he is unaware of this fact?)
Secondly yelling at his receptionist is not professional. It’s not her fault people cancel. If he’s taking it out on her then he’s just a jerk.

[ArtleyWilkins]

It sort of sounds like he was yelling “to” the receptionist perhaps because they were in different rooms or something. Not great office practice, but since we weren’t in the room it’s really hard to know.