Dear T: I really need to tell you something XXXIX

DP_2017 · Mar 09, 2019 at 07:36 PM

Why does the show I'm watching have to have an episode in Portland? Why can't I go one damn day without thinking about you, I'm sure you have gone like 80 without thinking of me. I'm so pathetic. I need this madness to stop now

Mar 09, 2019 at 08:09 PM

Thinking about you.

goatee · Mar 09, 2019 at 10:03 PM

Wishing you’d answer me. Things aren’t good.

ElectricManatee · Mar 09, 2019 at 10:47 PM

You have really been sucking at email lately. I am starting to think that you are sucking so much on purpose as a way to hint that I should stop emailing you. I think it's working, whether you mean for it to happen or not. You don't really do passive-aggressive like that, at least not with me, but I would rather have no email contact than for it to be like this.

It just occurred to me that this reminds me of my mother. I try to make myself as crystal clear as I possibly can, and it feels like you're purposely missing the point. Or maybe like you can't hear me at all. You would love this insight, but I can't share it because you would probably respond with, like, a turtle emoji.

nottrustin · Mar 09, 2019 at 10:54 PM

I miss you. I miss being able to be honest when my mood tanks. I miss telling you about about my and my childrens successes. I must knowing where I stood. I miss knowing you would be there to help me through all the crap.

LabRat27 · 06:50 AM

Things are really escalating really quickly.
This is like a snowball rolling down a hill getting bigger and bigger and gaining momentum. I need you.

Lemoncake · Mar 10, 2019 at 05:46 AM

It's all about shame, can't you see that?

junkDNA · Mar 10, 2019 at 08:23 AM

hey ummmm idk if I want to come to game night!

88Butterfly88 · Mar 10, 2019 at 09:07 AM

Dear T,

So my PCP says I'm bipolar and psychotic, two diagnoses I know you wouldn't agree with. But this will be on the paperwork for the new mental health people so I guess they will do their own assessment and can decide for themselves.

-Butterfly

Mar 10, 2019 at 09:50 AM

I think all this walking is helping clear my mind and in some ways is beginning to replace therapy. I still miss "us" but it was only really bad one night lately. I'm getting over loving you, slowly but surely.

stopdog · Mar 10, 2019 at 10:15 AM

The converted acolytes zealously defend your perverse nonsensical doctrine even more than you therapists do. There is almost no difference between religion and psychotherapy.

Elio · Mar 10, 2019 at 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn

I'm getting over loving you, slowly but surely.

Art - I hope you don't mind me poking in here. Is there a reason you have to get over loving her? Wouldn't accepting that you love her; that it's ok to love her; and it's ok to love her even if she is not in your life anymore be a valuable step as well?

For some reason when I read your statement, I got the feeling of loving her meant possessing/owning her. Like if you couldn't have her in your life the way you want her to be there then there's no reason to love her or that you shouldn't love her.

It also reminded me of your quote about finding barriers to love. What barriers are you putting in place so that this love doesn't hurt or what barriers are in place so you cannot or no longer feel the love that is there (and yeah, kind of thinking of looking at the mirror on this one - not sure if I'm ready).

I know there's so much more to it than this, as I only know a fraction of what you have experienced, so forgive me if I'm completely off base here.

Mar 10, 2019 at 11:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elio

Art - I hope you don't mind me poking in here. Is there a reason you have to get over loving her? Wouldn't accepting that you love her; that it's ok to love her; and it's ok to love her even if she is not in your life anymore be a valuable step as well?

For some reason when I read your statement, I got the feeling of loving her meant possessing/owning her. Like if you couldn't have her in your life the way you want her to be there then there's no reason to love her or that you shouldn't love her.

It also reminded me of your quote about finding barriers to love. What barriers are you putting in place so that this love doesn't hurt or what barriers are in place so you cannot or no longer feel the love that is there (and yeah, kind of thinking of looking at the mirror on this one - not sure if I'm ready).

I know there's so much more to it than this, as I only know a fraction of what you have experienced, so forgive me if I'm completely off base here.

Thanks Elio. I don't mind at all. Lots of good stuff to think about. I guess a lot of this attitude of mine comes from her seeming to not make much of an effort to understand my feelings about her until in my mind anyway it was too little too late and then on top of that, from a young place inside me feeling rejected because she ignored my response to a podcast she emailed me (completely unsolicited btw) that I know she knew I would have a reaction to. I hadn't really been able to explain this before now I guess....

Mar 10, 2019 at 11:23 AM

I will always love her. I just need to get over it, get over myself, as in stop fighting how I feel, or something.

Echos Myron redux · Mar 10, 2019 at 11:39 AM

Why did you tell me you were retiring from public speaking and teaching last year, yet you are clearly continuing?

velcro003 · Mar 10, 2019 at 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn

I will always love her. I just need to get over it, get over myself, as in stop fighting how I feel, or something.

or just accept your feelings? that is what i am working on right now.

RaineD · Mar 10, 2019 at 11:45 AM

I wish you were alive. You would have known what I should do. You would have helped me navigate all of this weirdness. You would have taught me. I don't know what to do without you. I feel like I am stumbling in the darkness.

Anastasia~ · Mar 10, 2019 at 12:21 PM

I have really cleaned more today and I threw somethings away and will give some things away. I am not in my head today. I love the site you suggested. I am actively participating and I learned something. I don't know how to look at data statistically speaking, and there probably not enough of it, but I noticed that a lot of people with social anxiety have a B12 deficiency. I know there may or may not be a correlation, but it really interested me. I feel like myself today. I am not worried about the therapeutic relationship at all. I have been getting more sleep and I have been walking and I feel SOOOOO much better. I really think doing what I did in regard to work was the only answer. I am kind of feeling an excitement/joy about what I will be doing next. I have no idea, but just fathoming that my life doesn't have to be so excruciating gives me hope. I had lost all hope. And now I feel hopeful.

DP_2017 · Mar 10, 2019 at 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn

I will always love her. I just need to get over it, get over myself, as in stop fighting how I feel, or something.

I feel the same about my therapist. I get mad at myself that I can't move on like he has.... but I hope to very soon. Hugs to you

NP_Complete · Mar 10, 2019 at 03:41 PM

Why did you have to refer to yourself (twice) as my "treatment provider" today? That feels so impersonal. I don't like this feeling. I feel like erecting walls now.

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XXXIX

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DP_2017 Grand Magnate Member Since Aug 2017 Location: A house Posts: 4,412 6 665 hugs given	Mar 09, 2019 at 07:36 PM #221 Why does the show I'm watching have to have an episode in Portland? Why can't I go one damn day without thinking about you, I'm sure you have gone like 80 without thinking of me. I'm so pathetic. I need this madness to stop now __________________ Grief is the price you pay for love.
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Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	Mar 09, 2019 at 08:09 PM #222 Thinking about you.
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goatee Member Member Since Jan 2017 Location: Florida Posts: 322 7 567 hugs given	Mar 09, 2019 at 10:03 PM #223 Wishing you’d answer me. Things aren’t good.
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nottrustin Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2014 Location: n/a Posts: 4,819 10 375 hugs given	Mar 09, 2019 at 10:54 PM #225 I miss you. I miss being able to be honest when my mood tanks. I miss telling you about about my and my childrens successes. I must knowing where I stood. I miss knowing you would be there to help me through all the crap. __________________
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LabRat27 Poohbah Member Since Mar 2018 Location: CA Posts: 1,009 6 2,354 hugs given	Mar 10, 2019 at 05:41 AM #226 Things are really escalating really quickly. This is like a snowball rolling down a hill getting bigger and bigger and gaining momentum. I need you. Last edited by LabRat27; Mar 10, 2019 at 06:50 AM..
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Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,698 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Mar 10, 2019 at 05:46 AM #227 It's all about shame, can't you see that? __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."
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junkDNA Comfy Sedation Member Since Sep 2012 Location: the woods Posts: 19,301 (SuperPoster!) 11 8,149 hugs given	Mar 10, 2019 at 08:23 AM #228 hey ummmm idk if I want to come to game night! __________________
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88Butterfly88 Moderator Community Support Team Member Since Dec 2015 Location: New Jersey Posts: 54,191 (SuperPoster!) 8 10.5k hugs given	Mar 10, 2019 at 09:07 AM #229 Dear T, So my PCP says I'm bipolar and psychotic, two diagnoses I know you wouldn't agree with. But this will be on the paperwork for the new mental health people so I guess they will do their own assessment and can decide for themselves. -Butterfly
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Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	Mar 10, 2019 at 09:50 AM #230 I think all this walking is helping clear my mind and in some ways is beginning to replace therapy. I still miss "us" but it was only really bad one night lately. I'm getting over loving you, slowly but surely.
	Reply With Quote

Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	Mar 10, 2019 at 11:23 AM #234 I will always love her. I just need to get over it, get over myself, as in stop fighting how I feel, or something.
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Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,160 6 1,834 hugs given	Mar 10, 2019 at 11:39 AM #235 Why did you tell me you were retiring from public speaking and teaching last year, yet you are clearly continuing?
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RaineD Grand Member Member Since Aug 2017 Location: United States Posts: 950 6 962 hugs given	Mar 10, 2019 at 11:45 AM #237 I wish you were alive. You would have known what I should do. You would have helped me navigate all of this weirdness. You would have taught me. I don't know what to do without you. I feel like I am stumbling in the darkness.
	Reply With Quote

NP_Complete Grand Magnate Member Since Feb 2017 Location: the upside down Posts: 3,808 7 6,352 hugs given	Mar 10, 2019 at 03:41 PM #240 Why did you have to refer to yourself (twice) as my "treatment provider" today? That feels so impersonal. I don't like this feeling. I feel like erecting walls now.
	Reply With Quote