advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Anonymous49809
Guest
Anonymous49809 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Apr 19, 2019 at 05:42 AM
  #1
I’m curious what people’s experience of therapy is around this. Maybe some people can benefit from a blank slate T? When I was seeing my blank slate T, a lot of childhood emotion emotion came up, maybe because she was blank slate. A problem was that I seemed to get stuck with the childhood emotion and feeling insecure, so much so that it affected my everyday functioning. It seems to me that it can be helpful in therapy to uncover this childhood emotion, but it couldn’t be soothed in my therapy with her, maybe because she was so blank slate and I couldn’t feel a connection with her?

I experienced infant emotional neglect, so I wonder if for me particularly, the blank slate didn’t help because I have more need for connection in therapy than others, and I have the propensity to feel a greater sense of insecurity?
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote

advertisement
feileacan
Poohbah
feileacan has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2016
Location: Europa
Posts: 1,169
5 yr Member
112 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Apr 19, 2019 at 06:16 AM
  #2
What do you mean by blank slate?

My T is a psychoanalyst which by some definition I suppose should mean blank slate. My understanding about contemporary blank slate means no explicit self-disclosure, no overt reassurance, not directing, not giving any advice. However, it also means allowing all emotions, including very negative towards the T, implicit self-closure by being very present emotionally in the sessions, being very attuned and flexible, very good boundaries, very safe.

My background is also emotional neglect and for me my blank slate T is perfect because our connection is genuine, fully following my pace and not enforced on me. The T is ok with not having connection with me when I don't feel ready for that but is always waiting for me and open for that once I show any readiness to be connected.

Last edited by feileacan; Apr 19, 2019 at 07:41 AM..
feileacan is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
nicoleflynn
Grand Magnate
nicoleflynn has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2012
Location: rochester, michigan
Posts: 3,111
10 yr Member
60 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Apr 19, 2019 at 06:43 AM
  #3
The blank slate is pretty much an old school philosophy.If I wanted a blank slate for a t, I would talk to a wall. I need a t who is engaged with me.
nicoleflynn is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight
Omers
Grand Magnate
 
Omers's Avatar
Omers has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2010
Location: Crimson cattery
Posts: 3,512
10 yr Member
3,133 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Apr 19, 2019 at 07:14 AM
  #4
Wouldn’t work for me. I can stare at a carpet for hours. The only real motivation to work in therapy after I get in the door is to connect to T.

__________________
There’s been many a crooked path
that has landed me here
Tired, broken and wearing rags
Wild eyed with fear
-Blackmoores Night
Omers is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Anonymous49809
Guest
Anonymous49809 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Apr 19, 2019 at 07:47 AM
  #5
Quote:
Originally Posted by feileacan View Post
What do you mean by blank slate?

My T is a psychoanalyst which by some definition I suppose should mean blank slate. My understanding about contemporary blank slate means no explicit self-disclosure, no overt reassurance, not directing, not giving any advice. However, it also means allowing all emotions, including very negative towards the T, implicit self-closure by being very present emotionally in the sessions, being very attuned and flexible, very good boundaries, very safe.

My background is also emotional neglect and for me my blank slate T is perfect because our connection is genuine, fully following my pace and not enforce on me. The T is ok with not having connection with me when I don't feel ready for that but is always waiting for me and open for that once I show any readiness to be connected.
The way you describe blank slate: no self disclosure and no reassurance, describes my T2. I had not previously thought of the lack of reassurance as being a part of the blank slate. A difference with my T compared to yours is that I don’t feel that she accepted my negative emotions (of insecurity) towards her. Which is ironic as I think her being blank slate elicited that. Maybe your T is just better at it than mine was. You describe your T as ‘safe’. I don’t feel that my therapy with T2 was safe. I’m wondering how your T is safe if he didn’t give reassurance? Is his consistency reassuring?
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
DP_2017
Grand Magnate
 
DP_2017's Avatar
DP_2017 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: A house
Posts: 4,412
5 yr Member
665 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Apr 19, 2019 at 07:56 AM
  #6
Baby T is as close as I've ever had to blank slate. He talks minimally about himself (at my request), he isn't very reassuring about anything, there is no outside contact.
However he TRIES to joke around a bit, or praise me (he knows I don't like it and says that each time), and he is "familiar" now I guess but I have no attachment. I don't feel any need or desire to talk to or see him outside session, I am fine with breaks. I am ok with this sort of T because it keeps me from getting into the "relationship" aspect too much.

Very first session when he was a stranger (along with 2 other Ts) I basically just started talking about personal stuff. I didn't want "time" to build trust or anything. I just wanted to talk and limit their talking time. It seems to work for me this time, although baby T's inexperience is showing now but that's a whole different story

__________________
Grief is the price you pay for love.
DP_2017 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Xynesthesia2
Veteran Member
Xynesthesia2 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 540
5 yr Member
55 hugs
given
Default Apr 19, 2019 at 07:59 AM
  #7
I would not see a T like that. They already don't do very much to start with, if they don't even engage in a conversation and make suggestions, I see no use for that time, especially at such high fee mine charged. I could just get a friend or something to sit in a room with me blankly while I talk and offer nothing.
Xynesthesia2 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
feileacan
Poohbah
feileacan has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2016
Location: Europa
Posts: 1,169
5 yr Member
112 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Apr 19, 2019 at 08:18 AM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wild at heart View Post
The way you describe blank slate: no self disclosure and no reassurance, describes my T2. I had not previously thought of the lack of reassurance as being a part of the blank slate. A difference with my T compared to yours is that I don’t feel that she accepted my negative emotions (of insecurity) towards her. Which is ironic as I think her being blank slate elicited that. Maybe your T is just better at it than mine was. You describe your T as ‘safe’. I don’t feel that my therapy with T2 was safe. I’m wondering how your T is safe if he didn’t give reassurance? Is his consistency reassuring?
The feeling of safe has come from within, from the experience of being together with him. Also, I suppose there has been some reassurance (funny, but I feel that I don't really understand what that means), but mostly the safe has come from how I experience and perceive him in session. It has taken time though. I suppose that means it comes from consistency because he has been extremely consistent.

May I ask, do you actually have any evidence that she does not accept your negative feelings or you just assume that?
feileacan is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Lemoncake
Luna's offical mini me.
 
Lemoncake's Avatar
Lemoncake Adult female human
 
Member Since: May 2017
Location: Cafe Nervosa.
Posts: 9,646 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
10.1k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Apr 19, 2019 at 08:24 AM
  #9
R is a blank slate.

When we first started it did fuel my obsessive googling. Everything I found about him was online otherwise he wouldn't have told me. It was just because I wanted to know who he was. I still sometimes feel how can I love him if I don't know him? But I know therapy him. He has softened up a bit, and told me random stuff when I've gone on about it. We totally had this moment over Lord of the rings which was nice and game of thrones. I'm the poster child for daddy issues, so that really does come up a lot for me especially with the erotic stuff.

He does give me reassurance especially before exams which I need and I usually always email him right after I get results just to get a "well done, I knew you could do it".

He taught me that negative emotions weren't bad and that it was okay to show anger, to tell him when he gets it wrong and that I didn't have to worry about him.So I can feel safe showing him all that.

__________________
"Love, like life, flows
Through the heart.
Feel the thrill of the flow
And say nothing."

Lemoncake is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Anonymous56789
Guest
Anonymous56789 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Apr 19, 2019 at 08:31 AM
  #10
As someone with a history of severe neglect, I found a lot of benefit in this approach though it was a very difficult way to do therapy.

If you feel insecure around the T, that is your sense of self. I'm not sure I would have changed, becoming more secure with myself if I am always depending on the other person to make me feel secure. I found it to be disempowering letting another person determine how I feel, and working through this insecurity in therapy allowed me to master it within myself. It's freeing that my emotional state is no longer dependent on other's words or behaviors for the most part.

I also think the connection is more genuine once you get through the transference, and it seems my T has been more reciprocal since the transference dissipated. I used to relate to him as an attachment figure, and wanted soothing and nurturing from him, which is not who he really was. Relating to him as the person he really is has led to a stronger, more genuine connection.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Rive.
Magnate
Rive. has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,002
10 yr Member PC PoohBah!
Default Apr 19, 2019 at 10:44 AM
  #11
Yes, there is absolutely a benefit to Ts being a blank slate. Not everyone wants connection or warmth etc.

Some clients make progress with an impersonal or 'clinical' T whereas otherwise benefit from a caring, warm T. It depends on the client's needs or 'requirements'.
Rive. is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
SlumberKitty
Legendary Wise Elder
 
SlumberKitty's Avatar
SlumberKitty is staying stable.
 
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
117.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Apr 19, 2019 at 10:48 AM
  #12
For me a blank slate wouldn't work. I need to feel connected with T in order to feel safe. I need to feel connected in order to open up and talk. If someone was a blank slate, I'd probably be very quiet and not say much and get no where in therapy. I like someone who is warm and compassionate. Current T: I don't know if she is those things but I do feel a connection to her. I'm not attached, I don't think, not like with Former T who it still feels like my heart was ripped out after we had to stop meeting. HUGS Kit

__________________
Dum Spiro Spero
IC XC NIKA
SlumberKitty is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Anonymous49809
Guest
Anonymous49809 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Apr 19, 2019 at 12:08 PM
  #13
Quote:
Originally Posted by feileacan View Post
The feeling of safe has come from within, from the experience of being together with him. Also, I suppose there has been some reassurance (funny, but I feel that I don't really understand what that means), but mostly the safe has come from how I experience and perceive him in session. It has taken time though. I suppose that means it comes from consistency because he has been extremely consistent.

May I ask, do you actually have any evidence that she does not accept your negative feelings or you just assume that?
This is an old T that I’m talking about, I’m no longer seeing her, but I’m still trying to understand what went wrong and lay it to rest. I felt that she didn’t accept my negative feelings because when I tried to talk about it (shame at something she did), she cut me off.

From your description I just think that your T is perhaps better at it than this t was. Your T has helped you to feel safe, but that didn’t happen for me with this T, it happened for me with the next T (who died), and has happened with my current T.

I too ponder about the meaning of reassurance, and what it is my T does that reassured me.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Lrad123
Poohbah
Lrad123 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 1,332
5 yr Member
372 hugs
given
Default Apr 19, 2019 at 02:04 PM
  #14
I always describe my T as “blank slate-ish” and what I mean by that is he doesn’t self disclose much at all and isn’t particularly warm and fuzzy. I had a hard time with this for a long time, feeling frustrated and angry at feeling left alone with the feelings that came up during and in between sessions. I finally feel like I’m done with that phase. He once said his goal wasn’t to make me feel good which was a little confusing at first, but it’s something I really value now. What has worked for me is his incredible consistency and the fact that he’s been completely unphased by whatever I say to him (whether in person or via email). Right now he’s helping me value my own emotions and reactions and figure out how my experiences have shaped who I am.
Lrad123 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
tomatenoir
Member
 
tomatenoir's Avatar
tomatenoir has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 223
5 yr Member
1 hugs
given
Default Apr 20, 2019 at 05:14 AM
  #15
I had Mr Blank Slate T, and as time went by I found it increasingly difficult to do therapy that way. I wanted my sessions to be about me and I didn't want in-depth details about his life, so I'm grateful I got that, especially in the early sessions when I was in distress. But as time passed, and he refused to tell me how old he was or who else was in the house with us (sessions were at his home) or even what he did on the weekend, it made me feel very pushed out. Over time it left me feeling powerless and like there was something wrong with me, because those kind of conversations are pretty normal, even in a professional context.

For example, I have a very private colleague at work that I like, and while he keeps mum about nearly everything personal, I do know he's married, that he likes his holidays in Cornwall, and that he went to see the Culture Club once. It just helps make the interactions feel human to know a tiny bit about someone. That's what I was looking for with my therapist. If my therapist had consented to a couple minutes of small talk at the beginning of each session I think it would have helped immensely.

I also had a somewhat mostly blank slate T in my teens that made sessions about me, but did self-disclose a little. She would tell me point blank when she couldn't relate to a problem I was having AND I asked (my religious crisis) but would talk briefly about her own experiences if she could relate AND I asked (having very critical parents).

She never overshared -- for example, I once called her house to rearrange an appt (this was before cellphones) and her husband let me know she didn't live there any more and her new number. She told me in the next session she had divorced a year prior and left it at that. I appreciated her up-frontedness and didn't feel the need to know more.

There was another time I forgot our scheduled appt. It was outside her normal hours, and the next session she did tell me she was annoyed with me. We talked through it and I appreciated having her honest emotions to consider while not feeling the relationship was under threat. I knew she could be honest, and that helped me open up more in later sessions.

While I don't think she was as talented as my blank slate therapist, I did feel more comfortable with her and didn't feel like someone was withholding from me for the sake of withholding. I felt more at ease with her, I felt ready when I ended sessions, and I didn't spend my spare time wondering who she was. From that perspective, I felt it was a healthier relationship.

Looking back, I think Mr Blank Slate therapist's problem wasn't that he was Blank Slate but more that he couldn't adapt whatsoever. He started with a client who needed Blank Slate, but couldn't change when that approach stopped working. I would tell him quite honestly both the helpful and unhelpful things I found in my first round of therapy, including honest and open reactions from the therapist, and gave him the above examples, but he never took those on board or seemed interested. He never modified his approach. I started feeling it was a helpful and compassionate relationship, but as time went on I felt it was actually artificial. By the end, it felt downright fake.

It's a big part as to why I left. If my therapist isn't willing to trust my judgement on what helps me, or discuss why he disagrees with my judgement, or simply admit my needs are valid but he personally can't meet them, then that's not a person I want to see. I'm not a child.

I think one of the main things a therapist should be doing is helping clients find and trust their own instincts for what they want and need in their life, and if they can't do that I don't see the point in going to therapy.

It's not about being Blank Slate or not Blank Slate. It's about recognising when you can't work in the way your client needs. One thing I find is that therapists tend to think they'll be good at solving any problem and that their approach will work for everyone.

My first therapist stopped taking new 'general' clients on halfway through my therapy to focus working with parents of children with autism. She told me that while she thought she was good at the therapy I was receiving, her strengths were elsewhere. As a teen I didn't really get it, but now, as an adult, I have a lot of respect for her admitting that.
tomatenoir is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
SalingerEsme, susannahsays
Anonymous49809
Guest
Anonymous49809 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Apr 20, 2019 at 06:13 AM
  #16
Quote:
Originally Posted by octoberful View Post
As someone with a history of severe neglect, I found a lot of benefit in this approach though it was a very difficult way to do therapy.

If you feel insecure around the T, that is your sense of self. I'm not sure I would have changed, becoming more secure with myself if I am always depending on the other person to make me feel secure. I found it to be disempowering letting another person determine how I feel, and working through this insecurity in therapy allowed me to master it within myself. It's freeing that my emotional state is no longer dependent on other's words or behaviors for the most part.

I also think the connection is more genuine once you get through the transference, and it seems my T has been more reciprocal since the transference dissipated. I used to relate to him as an attachment figure, and wanted soothing and nurturing from him, which is not who he really was. Relating to him as the person he really is has led to a stronger, more genuine connection.
Thanks for sharing that the blank slate way has helped you.

I think I view it differently to you. I consider that we are social beings and that from infancy our interactions with others play a big part in shaping our brain. If we have warm and loving care givers, this impacts us. I’ve read things written by Anthony Shore and others who discuss this theory. I view it that a therapist can give you a reparative experience if they are warm and accepting. I don’t really see it as the client being dependent on the therapist, more that the experience can bring about lasting change.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Anonymous49809
Guest
Anonymous49809 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Apr 20, 2019 at 06:48 AM
  #17
[QUOTE=tomatenoir;6508110

Looking back, I think Mr Blank Slate therapist's problem wasn't that he was Blank Slate but more that he couldn't adapt whatsoever. . .[/QUOTE]

I think this was also my T’s problem, she couldn’t or wouldn’t adapt. I think that meant that the power in the relationship sat with her.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Anonymous56789
Guest
Anonymous56789 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Apr 20, 2019 at 10:19 AM
  #18
Quote:
I think I view it differently to you. I consider that we are social beings and that from infancy our interactions with others play a big part in shaping our brain. If we have warm and loving care givers, this impacts us. I’ve read things written by Anthony Shore and others who discuss this theory.
I think the same, we definitely agree here.

Did you mean Allan Schore? I've read his work.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
missbella
Grand Poohbah
missbella has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2010
Location: here
Posts: 1,845
10 yr Member
814 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Apr 20, 2019 at 04:16 PM
  #19
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wild at heart View Post
I’m curious what people’s experience of therapy is around this. Maybe some people can benefit from a blank slate T? When I was seeing my blank slate T, a lot of childhood emotion emotion came up, maybe because she was blank slate. A problem was that I seemed to get stuck with the childhood emotion and feeling insecure, so much so that it affected my everyday functioning. It seems to me that it can be helpful in therapy to uncover this childhood emotion, but it couldn’t be soothed in my therapy with her, maybe because she was so blank slate and I couldn’t feel a connection with her?

I experienced infant emotional neglect, so I wonder if for me particularly, the blank slate didn’t help because I have more need for connection in therapy than others, and I have the propensity to feel a greater sense of insecurity?
W-A-H,
My blank slate experience was, as Facebook status choices say, complicated.
This therapist was a Karen Horney school trained analyst, and 98 percent of the time was blank slate.

After scornful bully co-therapists and a syrupy mother-figure know-it-all, I mostly appreciated the therapist as a pleasant blank slate. She still communicated empathy and her few well-chosen words were actually pretty smart. Her scant responses didn't bother me because I understand this was the rule. I never thought her intrusive or doing a power trip with me.

However I took the thrice weekly sessions into obsession and madness. I literally was near-hallucinating, like I was on a chemical free drug trip. I saw God and signs and omens in everything. I felt in touch with the universe. From reading, this might be termed a spiritual emergence or emergency.

Unfortunately this brain trip did nothing to improve my on-planet functioning, and I lost several important friends during my hallucinatory phase. When I see a street-corner schizophrenic thinking he's the messiah I feel I understand him though.
missbella is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Anonymous49809
Guest
Anonymous49809 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Apr 22, 2019 at 02:41 AM
  #20
Quote:
Originally Posted by octoberful View Post
I think the same, we definitely agree here.

Did you mean Allan Schore? I've read his work.
Yes I do mean Allen Shore. I’m surprised we think the same! I thought you implied in your post that you felt you had got where you have got without warmth and connection from your T.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:30 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.