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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 1,332
6 372 hugs
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#201
I wish you’d just send a brief reply saying, “I’m looking forward to talking about all this next week.” I don’t see what the harm is in that. Maybe you could set your out-of-office reply to say that. A genuine reply would be nice, but apparently I’ll take any old scraps.
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LabRat27, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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junkDNA
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,730
(SuperPoster!)
9 74.9k hugs
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#202
Dear T,
Why am I afraid to look at your email reply? I'm such a weirdo... I think maybe I'm ashamed of seeming so needy and sad. Or that I'm afraid you'll be like, "FFS, LT, get it together, it was a migraine! You had to do her IEP meeting by phone, whatever, get over it! Why would that make you feel so awful? I thought you were doing better. How can you go off the rails so easily? What is the matter with you? Maybe you're unfixable." That's clearly the message I'm saying to myself in my head. I know you'd never say that in an email to me. I suppose that's something to discuss Monday...Those messages are coming from somewhere. Along with the messages making me feel horribly guilty for missing the meeting in person (well, I know those are coming from my mom...) Love, LT |
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Anne2.0, LabRat27, LostOnTheTrail, Lrad123, SlumberKitty
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2012
Location: Anonymous
Posts: 3,132
11 129 hugs
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#203
Dear T:
There is so much uncertainty in the months ahead, and I'm going to need to give so much of myself. I feel like a soon to be hybernating animal storing up for winter, except it's not about food and it's not about taking a rest. It's about not putting myself first-- which, to be honest, doesn't happen that much, just like every other mother-- but the pull of my dreams and the push of reality pretty much sucks. I don't want these responsibilities, although I certainly signed up for them, and I feel bad about that. I want more playtime and personal attention, but it looks like that is not happening anytime soon. In the past anticipation of the future felt kind of sweet, but now it feels a little more torturous. |
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LabRat27, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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DP_2017
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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,789
12 3,116 hugs
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#204
'They say everything's all right
They say better days are near They tell us these are the good times But they don't live around here...' The Indifference of Heaven __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 1,332
6 372 hugs
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#205
I’m aware that I have emotional needs, but I don’t want others to know I have them. So I manage everything on my own which is why therapy has been so hard for me. I feel like I’m being weak and complaining when maybe it’s ok and even healthy. Not sure how to change this pattern.
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LabRat27, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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DP_2017
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2012
Location: Anonymous
Posts: 3,132
11 129 hugs
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#206
Dear T,
The other thing that occurs to me is how just when I think I've sort of recuperated from one transition, one life change to another, here comes another one. Enough with that already. Haven't I shown the universe I have the necessary coping skills, you don't need to test me anymore? [insert crybaby hand motions here] |
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LabRat27, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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DP_2017
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,730
(SuperPoster!)
9 74.9k hugs
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#207
Dear T,
Yeah, of course you sent a supportive, caring, and practical response. Thank you. Let's work on those calming techniques Monday like you suggested. Love you, LT |
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SlumberKitty
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DP_2017, LabRat27
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2017
Location: A house
Posts: 4,412
6 665 hugs
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#208
This coming week is gonna be hell. 3 months without you will arrive... and it will be a short time away from my birthday.... which I had intended to see you on again or at least text. Now I got nothing
I hate how depressed I'm already feeling over this and how I know that I didn't mean that much to you, and you have moved on and are probably even planning a trip somewhere this month with a new friend. I hate that I have to see baby T when I feel this way. I want a hug from you instead. This is garbage __________________ Grief is the price you pay for love. |
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LabRat27, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 1,009
6 2,354 hugs
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#209
Quote:
Just asking because I've found that knowing when intense emotions are being caused by physiological stuff makes it easier for me to cope with them. |
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SlumberKitty
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LonesomeTonight
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,730
(SuperPoster!)
9 74.9k hugs
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#210
Quote:
Oh that's an interesting question. The strong emotions started right when I had the aura (not everyone gets them, but for me it's like the bright spot you can get in your eye if you look at the sunlight, except it lasts for up to 20 minutes, can be flashing, and can obscure part of my vision). I thought it was me reacting to the fact that I had a migraine, but I wonder if they could have gone hand in hand? There is some research that migraines are related in some way to serotonin levels, so could make sense. I often will get them during the PMS week, so maybe I tended to attribute strong emotions to that, but this is like 5 days too early. Definitely something to consider, thanks! And might make me feel better if the emotions aren't just me overreacting or being unable to handle something, but a chemical/neurotransmitter/hormonal reaction in my body. |
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LabRat27, SlumberKitty
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 1,009
6 2,354 hugs
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#211
There have been two times you have mentioned thinking of me outside of a session, plus the text.
I know it's selfish and immature, but I hate the idea of the possibility that I might not even cross your mind once between yesterday and Tuesday. The cruel part of my brain is telling me that you only care during the session/when it's your job, and that it's stupid and naive to wish otherwise. I want to feel like I'm not dealing with all of this completely alone. |
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,730
(SuperPoster!)
9 74.9k hugs
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#212
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SlumberKitty
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DP_2017, LabRat27
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Moderator
Community Support Team Member Since Dec 2015
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 54,190
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#213
Dear T,
Thank you for taking me yesterday even though we had a miscommunication and you didn't realize I was coming, I guess I got lucky you had no one else. Also, thank you for a good session yesterday. I am considering ways to improve my life as you suggested. -Butterfly |
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 1,009
6 2,354 hugs
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#214
Quote:
I googled it at the time and found some references to it being one of the many weird possible migraine symptoms. I find it also helps me manage them as I'm experiencing them. It seems to be better with my current meds (and actually taking them like I'm supposed to), but it used to be really bad. Now that I know what's going on when it happens I can remind myself that it will pass and I won't feel that way the next day and, while the emotions/pain are real, that does not mean they are reflective of reality... I'm feeling like a complete incompetent failure because of PMS, not because that's the reality, and it does not mean I should impulsively take action on those feelings (SH/SI) I'm glad you're feeling better, whatever the cause |
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SlumberKitty
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Luna's offical mini me.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Cafe Nervosa.
Posts: 9,691
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6 10.2k hugs
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#215
I miss you.
__________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing." |
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DP_2017, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Magnet
Member Since Jun 2017
Location: in the garden
Posts: 2,306
6 15.5k hugs
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#216
Dear T,
This time you didn’t ask me, are you safe. You asked a version of “Are you afraid.” That, I realize just today, is a different question. You will probably say I had a panic attack on my way home. I know that’s a name for that kind of physiological response. I think I was so overloaded with all of the other outside life that keeps happening that when these ideas came up one on top of the other... Of course I’m safe. Am I afraid? I do know what he’s capable of. Am I safe? ...they collided spectacularly, and my body said: I cannot hold all of this. __________________ Since you cannot do good to all, you are to pay special attention to those who, by accidents of time, or place, or circumstance, are brought into closer connection with you. (St. Augustine) |
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Anastasia~, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2017
Location: A house
Posts: 4,412
6 665 hugs
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#217
I really hope you haven't died
__________________ Grief is the price you pay for love. |
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Anastasia~, LonesomeTonight, Lrad123, SlumberKitty
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Poohbah
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,073
5 70 hugs
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#218
NOW do we have enough for two sessions this week? Good lord - what kind of crisis do I need to have before you say yes???
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2012
Location: Anonymous
Posts: 3,132
11 129 hugs
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#219
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SlumberKitty
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LonesomeTonight, piggy momma
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2012
Location: Anonymous
Posts: 3,132
11 129 hugs
given |
#220
p.s. T, can you explain to me why people think it's okay to listen to inane youtube videos in the airport gate lounges without using headphones? They are grown *** people too, not little kids with no manners. Noise pollution and it doesn't help that it's a ridiculous news station as well. I want to knock some phones out of some hands.
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blackocean
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