Dear T: I really need to tell you something XXXIX

LabRat27 · Mar 22, 2019 at 01:20 AM

I wrote it out, but I'm not sure if I'll actually be able to bring myself to share it with you

LostOnTheTrail · Mar 22, 2019 at 04:53 AM

Hi R,

Couple of things. First - thanks for your email, and not letting me twist myself up in knots any more than necessary over a simple mistake.

Secondly - 'Who am I holding it together for?' The answer to that one is complex, and more suited to session time. Short version - P is still a problem. I trust you to hold the stuff, but thanks to her, I don't trust myself to contain it between times...and oh boy, am I trying to contain this.

I know it was a fluke, but I'm looking forward to seeing you a little bit sooner than usual.

Thanks,

Lost

Lemoncake · Mar 22, 2019 at 08:22 AM

You were on your A game today and I did feel closer to you.

Echos Myron redux · Mar 22, 2019 at 09:12 AM

Listening to love songs and thinking about you. Uh oh, that can't be good.

SlumberKitty · Mar 22, 2019 at 10:41 AM

Dear T: I want to SH. I said I wouldn't for Lent. But I want to. I probably won't because I don't want to break my promise to myself and to God, but I want you to know how hard this is, and maybe to acknowledge that? Is that too much to ask for, or am I being unreasonable? Kit

Mar 22, 2019 at 01:38 PM

You know what, maybe it isn't any of this other stuff I've been speculating about. Maybe it's just that we never had any goals or plans down on paper about this whole process and the never knowing where in the world I was in my 'process' was the whole problem. I know I found a lot of healing along the way and came to know myself a lot better but there was never any measurable anything - I couldn't stand the unknown timetable, the lack of a map with clear points along the way, or something. That's my overriding feeling right now. This other stuff, symptoms of that greater issue.
eta: i also wish i did not feel like i owe you coming back once to say goodbye.

Echos Myron redux · Mar 22, 2019 at 01:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn

You know what, maybe it isn't any of this other stuff I've been speculating about. Maybe it's just that we never had any goals or plans down on paper about this whole process and the never knowing where in the world I was in my 'process' was the whole problem. I know I found a lot of healing along the way and came to know myself a lot better but there was never any measurable anything - I couldn't stand the unknown timetable, the lack of a map with clear points along the way, or something. That's my overriding feeling right now. This other stuff, symptoms of that greater issue.
eta: i also wish i did not feel like i owe you coming back once to say goodbye.

My T said something about this on Wednesday. Wondering whether 'being' is enough. Wondering whether he should be 'doing' more. Not knowing where the path is. It's hard. Hugs.

susannahsays · Mar 22, 2019 at 01:56 PM

The client in your office right now talks really loud.

Echos Myron redux · Mar 22, 2019 at 01:56 PM

For you, my T.

Mar 22, 2019 at 02:01 PM

that is so very beautiful, echos.

piggy momma · Mar 22, 2019 at 02:51 PM

I am terrified I’m not going to make it this summer without you. Twelve weeks is a long time. Absolutely terrified. The odds definitely aren’t in my favour.

Omers · Mar 22, 2019 at 04:10 PM

Dang it T why do you have to start making sense now?
Almost there...

LostOnTheTrail · Mar 22, 2019 at 04:12 PM

Well, I told work that I won't be attending the FLT trip. That ought to feel like a release, right? Not so...so not so it's untrue.

Echos Myron redux · Mar 22, 2019 at 04:34 PM

The problem with sessions like that is that I just love you and need you more.

88Butterfly88 · Mar 22, 2019 at 04:41 PM

Dear T,

I talked to pdoc as you suggested but I still think your therapy isn't ideal. I also reached out to a new counseling center today and it looks promising. I'm still looking around though so I'll still see you next week. I don't imagine you'd let me leave without another therapist in place anyway, that would probably be a liability issue given my current condition.

-Butterfly

SlumberKitty · Mar 22, 2019 at 05:37 PM

Dear Former T: why haven't you responded to my email yet? You tired of me? I miss you. I love you. This hurts. Kit

Omers · Mar 22, 2019 at 07:52 PM

T, I am trying really hard to make it these last two days... but now I am not sure I can... first day of spring break for my son and I am not doing well... not well at all. H is taking three days off from work but not until Wed. and I am not sure I am going to make it to Monday, yet alone We’d. It’s been a really long time since Ive felt this way... not good.

Elio · Mar 22, 2019 at 08:24 PM

Hi Dr. S,

I wished I would have seen you today. I managed to not email you. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. The pains of loneliness and emptiness were bad this morning. I started journalling to you again. I don't think I will share it yet. We have to have some talks before then. And, you might have enjoyed this break and don't want to be burdened anymore with reading my writings. So many things are a mess. And I miss my comforting thoughts.
- me.

Omers · Mar 22, 2019 at 08:39 PM

OK T, I am pretty sure I know what’s going on... and there is nothing you can really do to help. I also know you would worry a lot and have trouble disconnecting from the concern. I may or may not bring it up Monday, if I do I am going to be asking for your blessing to return to Pdoc... I know you don’t want me to but I might not have a choice. I’m sorry T, I feel like I’ve let you down but I don’t know what I could be doing differently that would help.

LabRat27 · Mar 23, 2019 at 12:23 AM

Sometimes I wish you were better at formal logic with abstract concepts.

Menu

My Support Forums - Mental Health Support Groups

Get emotional support and friendship from others like you!

Dear T: I really need to tell you something XXXIX

My Support Forums

LabRat27 Poohbah Member Since Mar 2018 Location: CA Posts: 1,009 6 2,354 hugs given	Mar 22, 2019 at 01:20 AM #441 I wrote it out, but I'm not sure if I'll actually be able to bring myself to share it with you
	Reply With Quote

Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,695 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Mar 22, 2019 at 08:22 AM #443 You were on your A game today and I did feel closer to you. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."
	Reply With Quote

Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,160 6 1,833 hugs given	Mar 22, 2019 at 09:12 AM #444 Listening to love songs and thinking about you. Uh oh, that can't be good.
	Reply With Quote

SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Mar 22, 2019 at 10:41 AM #445 Dear T: I want to SH. I said I wouldn't for Lent. But I want to. I probably won't because I don't want to break my promise to myself and to God, but I want you to know how hard this is, and maybe to acknowledge that? Is that too much to ask for, or am I being unreasonable? Kit __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA
	Reply With Quote

susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Mar 22, 2019 at 01:56 PM #448 The client in your office right now talks really loud. __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold
	Reply With Quote

Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	Mar 22, 2019 at 02:01 PM #450 that is so very beautiful, echos.
	Reply With Quote

piggy momma Poohbah Member Since Oct 2018 Location: Canada Posts: 1,073 5 70 hugs given	Mar 22, 2019 at 02:51 PM #451 I am terrified I’m not going to make it this summer without you. Twelve weeks is a long time. Absolutely terrified. The odds definitely aren’t in my favour.
	Reply With Quote

Omers Grand Magnate Member Since Nov 2010 Location: Crimson cattery Posts: 3,512 13 3,133 hugs given	Mar 22, 2019 at 04:10 PM #452 Dang it T why do you have to start making sense now? Almost there... __________________ There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night
	Reply With Quote

Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,160 6 1,833 hugs given	Mar 22, 2019 at 04:34 PM #454 The problem with sessions like that is that I just love you and need you more.
	Reply With Quote

SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Mar 22, 2019 at 05:37 PM #456 Dear Former T: why haven't you responded to my email yet? You tired of me? I miss you. I love you. This hurts. Kit __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA
	Reply With Quote

LabRat27 Poohbah Member Since Mar 2018 Location: CA Posts: 1,009 6 2,354 hugs given	Mar 23, 2019 at 12:23 AM #460 Sometimes I wish you were better at formal logic with abstract concepts.
	Reply With Quote