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nottrustin
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Default Apr 19, 2019 at 09:05 PM
  #961
Moms birthday is coming up, Aunt F's birthday would be today and the anniversary of our last appointment, and your accident are in the in the next few weeks. Today was the first time in quite some time I wish I was no longer hekr or wanting to SI. Keeping my happy face on and thankful to have spent time with various friends this week. Missing you!!

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Last edited by nottrustin; Apr 19, 2019 at 09:49 PM..
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LabRat27
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Default Apr 19, 2019 at 10:08 PM
  #962
That was okay I guess.
I'm still frustrated with the fact that you don't understand that they're not interchangeable. It doesn't seem like a difficult concept to understand. When a kid wants their parent's love, other kinds of caring or positive emotions aren't a substitute. So why would it be for me with what I want?

Edit:
P.S. ...you didn't ask. You said you'd ask. Did you forget? Were you hoping I'd tell you if I had? I was relieved that I didn't have to tell you, but I'm also a bit hurt. The cruel part of my brain is telling me that it's proof that you don't give a **** either way so I might as well do it more. Which is ridiculous because like half of the session today was about the fact that you do care and how I feel about that.

Last edited by LabRat27; Apr 20, 2019 at 01:30 AM..
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Default Apr 19, 2019 at 10:53 PM
  #963
Well, T, that was terrible. I’m exhausted and incredibly sad.
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susannahsays
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Default Apr 19, 2019 at 11:55 PM
  #964
I hope you sleep terribly and have lots of nightmares!

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Default Apr 19, 2019 at 11:57 PM
  #965
And diarrhea!

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Default Apr 20, 2019 at 12:16 AM
  #966
I dreamt of you last night, but it was mainly about seeing you with your daughter and you making christmas decorations with her. There was a cupboard in my grandmothers room. where you had left your journals and I was secretly reading them and I stole a piece of cake from your tin. Your wife was there and my sister had befriended her.

I always bring you cake whenever i come back to london, so maybe that's me trying to get something from you. It must get tiring to constantly hear me tell you that i'm jealous of your young daughter and i feel ashamed.

Two years on and i'm still crying over something i never had.

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Last edited by Lemoncake; Apr 20, 2019 at 12:44 AM..
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Default Apr 20, 2019 at 02:38 AM
  #967
Hey T, what's it like being my secure base? Just hanging out in your life, doing your thing. Knowing that you'll be there in your room on Wednesday and that that makes my week feel okay. Nearly 4.5 years now, and we're finally getting somewhere attachment-wise.
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Default Apr 20, 2019 at 08:02 AM
  #968
Dear T,

Now would be the time to pull out your best supportive t hat. And not your sometimes I answer emails sometimes I don’t technique out.

Healed

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Default Apr 20, 2019 at 09:55 AM
  #969
We'll schedule something for next week, right? I don't know if I can contemplate three weeks.


This has been close to impossible.

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Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

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'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
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Default Apr 20, 2019 at 10:39 AM
  #970
"You give me miles and miles of mountains, and I ask for the sea."

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Last edited by Lemoncake; Apr 20, 2019 at 11:33 AM..
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Default Apr 20, 2019 at 11:25 AM
  #971
It hurts so much and I miss you.
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Default Apr 20, 2019 at 11:55 AM
  #972
You still haven’t replied to me. I know it’s Easter and you’re a priest and all but c’mon, step it up
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Default Apr 20, 2019 at 01:30 PM
  #973
Possible trigger:
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Default Apr 20, 2019 at 02:42 PM
  #974
I still hate you. I hope you stub your pinky toe and find a roach in your house. Also, that your dinner is burned. If you are visiting family for Easter, I hope you forget to pack clean underwear and your phone charger.

Get ****ed, therapist.

ETA: Also, I hope the underwire in all your bras pops out the ends to poke you.

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Default Apr 20, 2019 at 05:37 PM
  #975
I hate you! I hope all your fingers get hangnails! May you have bad hair for a week and run out of floss after eating asparagus! I hope there are grounds in your coffee! I hope that the jack breaks on your earbuds so you have to hold it just right to hear anything! May the batteries in your TV remote die! May the screen protector on your phone have lots of bubbles!

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Default Apr 20, 2019 at 08:50 PM
  #976
Quote:
Originally Posted by susannahsays View Post
I still hate you. I hope you stub your pinky toe and find a roach in your house. Also, that your dinner is burned. If you are visiting family for Easter, I hope you forget to pack clean underwear and your phone charger.

Get ****ed, therapist.

ETA: Also, I hope the underwire in all your bras pops out the ends to poke you.
omg, lol. that is so annoying when it happens.

(I don't mean to make light of your anger, at all. Just found that bit funny)
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Default Apr 20, 2019 at 09:32 PM
  #977
My friend was probably right and you didn't really love me. I wouldn't know love really, I only ever felt it from dogs. I thought it felt that way but who knows. Not like you would ever have admitted it anyway if I had asked. Even if you did, you sure don't anymore. I'll always love you but that's different. You did some crazy special things in my life no one else ever could.... I didn't do that for you.

Not sure why any of this matters anymore. Sure doesn't to you. I wish my mind could screw off.

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Default Apr 20, 2019 at 09:37 PM
  #978
t3.... I am really angry with you. Not in the sense that I'd be mean but that I want to push you away and shut down completely. I can't even see you regularly yet but I'm so confused about you. You intrigue me, you challenge me but you anger me. I have to decide if it's worth pushing through these feelings instead of running from them or not. It's not your fault at all, it's me and my ridiculous thinking

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Default Apr 21, 2019 at 12:35 AM
  #979
I realized that I don't like when you focus on the healthy choices or progress I've made when it really really hurts anyway.
If I tell you I had a really really hard evening and everything really hurt but I did something else instead of hurting myself then you'll focus on that. You'll be happy about that. You won't be thinking about how much it still hurt the entire time.

If I agree to take it off the table then none of my pain will ever matter.
If a tree falls in the forest, but there's no one there to hear it...
If I'm in pain, but I don't engage in self destructive behaviors...
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Default Apr 21, 2019 at 12:36 AM
  #980
Dear No. 3,

Sometimes I let myself take a look at the pain you caused me and I realize it still hurts like ****ing hell.

ATAT

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