Seeing a new T, should I bring this up?

So I am seeing a new T and I've had two sessions with her so far.

I like her and things are going well so far. There is something that has been bothering me though; when I was researching T's in my area and I found this one, she had a lot of mixed reviews. Firstly, it is very unusual for T's to even have reviews online (at least in my area) and secondly, there were quite a lot of negative ones. Some of the things people said were that this T is rude, snobbish, asked inappropriate/personal questions and gave poor advice. Personally I have not found any of these things to be true at all but I am on the look out for it. Other reviews were very positive so I'm not sure what to make of the whole thing.

My question is, should I bring this up? I am worried that because I have read these reviews it is affecting my ability to trust her. I'm sure she knows about the reviews but I feel uncomfortable bringing it up.

I got referred to a Pdoc many years ago that had very mixed reviews. T even warned me about it when she made the referral which I thought was odd, why would you send me to a Pdoc people hate?? I went and my first impression was to get out of there fast! But, I gave her a chance and just ended up loving working with her. She was totally awesome and if I ever need a Pdoc again I am going right back to her... but she does have a lot of bad reviews. I think it is just because she has a strong personality and does not fit neatly into the box people think Pdoc should be in. I brought it up with her and she just explained she isn’t for everyone. She drinks coffee and hates tea, I drink tea and hate coffee... doesn’t make either of us bad, doesn’t make tea or coffee bad it is just about the right thing for the right person at the right time.

I'm not sure if I'd bring it up. If it was really affecting my ability to work with her, I think I'd have to. The thing is, people on here have said many negative things about my T. He can be very direct and open about what he's thinking--he calls it giving honest feedback. (He has toned it down a bit for me.) I could see lots of clients opting to leave him because of how he practices and then choosing to write a bad review. But, aside from a few conflicts, this T generally works for me and has really been helping me.

What I'm trying to say is, if I'd read stuff about this T online and chose not to see him because of it, I could have missed out on a very helpful (if challenging/difficult at times) therapeutic relationship. I wonder if maybe your T has a similar, more direct/blunt style, which some might interpret as "rude." For the asking personal questions, T's handle that in different ways. Some sit back and let the client direct and lead everything. While others (mine included), will direct things more at times and might ask what many would think is inappropriate/personal. But some of those questions have led to really helpful conversations and insights. My ex-T was more the type to just let me lead, and I think it's part of why I often ended up going in circles in there, not making much progress after 6 years. This T challenging me more and moving things along has led me to make considerably more progress in less than 2 years (granted, some of that has been twice a week).

So I say try sticking with her for a bit, and if you find you like her style so far, think about what Omers said regarding coffee and tea. If you really can't get those reviews out of your head, bring them up--I imagine she'd say that her style just isn't for everyone or something to that effect. You just have to figure out if it's right for you.

Were there tons and tons of bad reviews? I tend to take reviews of subjective experiences with a grain of salt- unless there are so many negative reviews that it would be impossible to chalk it all up to lying patients.

I think it is fine to bring it up with her because it is bothering you. Perhaps it's because I'm middle aged, but I wouldn't put any significance on online reviews of therapists because those motivated to write negative reviews mostly likely have an axe to grind. I think a review that is thoughtful and gave specific rather than conclusory information. "Gives bad advice" is a conclusion, but "told me I should stop drinking and schtupping the housekeeper" is a specific piece of information, and I guess I think many of these things that people might consider "poor advice" I might think was pretty good advice. I could give more examples with "inappropriate/personal questions (isn't a therapist supposed to ask personal questions? Mine certainly has, he doesn't ask about how I like the weather or chit chat). I also wouldn't attach any meaning to positive reviews.

I travel pretty frequently and often use yelp for reviews, it syncs with an app that tells me what restaurants are close by. You'd think good food and good service would be pretty objective qualities compared to therapists, but nope. It's more reliable and usually better than going to the closest diner, but I've had great meals in places that were poorly ranked and bad meals in the highly ranked. It's dicier in smaller communities as opposed to cities, but the point is that the quality of information you can get online is just not always very trustworthy.

But your experience with her, that's trustworthy. So much more than what anonymous strangers on the internet say. Maybe it would be useful to explore that too, as I think that's kind of the real issue. You're not in therapy to figure out if your therapist is rude or whatever. You're in therapy to ___ (well, I don't know and people use therapy for all kinds of things, therapeutic or not), but say it has something to do with trusting yourself and your experience of life. If that's so, then maybe the discussion is both about your therapist and whether she gets defensive or is secure when you talk about this issue, but also what it means to you. If you have difficulty putting yourself out there in real life and /or in conflict with other people, if you worry too much about what other people think of you, I think discovering these reviews is a gift. This is an opening not just to see how somebody else handles a potentially touchy issue, but a chance to understand yourself better.

Negative reviews does not mean lying patients or clients no matter how many there are.
I tend to believe negative reviews about healthcare providers because I think most people idolize them and those who have negatiive experiences are valuable resources against the gaslighting against clients in that industry. It doesn’t mean everyone will have a negative experience but just because someone leaves a negative experience review doesn’t invalidate that experience

Thanks everyone for your replies. This T has a decent amount of positive reviews also so definitely not all negative. I also agree that personal questions are an inevitability in therapy so I don’t consider that an issue. I guess this T is a bit more blunt than maybe some other T’s but I think I like that. I have had a T in the past who could never give a straightforward answer which I found very frustrating. I don’t think those reviewers were lying about their experience. I already have difficulty trusting Ts and people in general so I guess should bring it up.

People have different experiences of other human beings. This applies when reviewing/rating other Ts. What someone/a client might like in a T, another would run a mile from.

I would trust your own impression and personal experience of the T.

However, if it bothers you to the point you cannot work with her (e.g. don't trust her etc.) then, maybe bring it up..

I've seen positive and negative reviews about T's that I've seen. And basically I ignored them. I went in with an open mind and was as open as possible about myself and just let it go where it went. Only one T I ended up voluntarily ending therapy with because I found her just awful, but it just meant her style wasn't for me. "Too in your face." I thought it was rude. Someone else may have found it refreshing. To me it was too confrontational. Someone else may find that is exactly what they need. Your T probably knows about the reviews so I don't see harm in bringing it up if it is bothering you. HUGS Kit

Not unless she starts to bother you in some ways, remember everyone is different, and what they need/want in therapy is...

There is a lot of bored people out there who write negative reviews for fun... or people who had a bad experience with a company etc... if she seems to be working for you, i wouldn't bring it up just yet

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog Negative reviews does not mean lying patients or clients no matter how many there are. I tend to believe negative reviews about healthcare providers because I think most people idolize them and those who have negatiive experiences are valuable resources against the gaslighting against clients in that industry. It doesn’t mean everyone will have a negative experience but just because someone leaves a negative experience review doesn’t invalidate that experience

I wasnt sure if this was directed at me, but I wanted to clarify my poorly made point:

Quote:

Were there tons and tons of bad reviews? I tend to take reviews of subjective experiences with a grain of salt- unless there are so many negative reviews that it would be impossible to chalk it all up to lying patients.

What I meant was some negative reviews I personally wouldn't get to concerned about but a lot of negative reviews means that its impossible to believe that patients were lying. I re-read this and realized it was unclear and didnt want to make it seems as if I was trying to invalidate anyone's experiences.