Does your therapist get frustrated with a lack of progress?

I wonder if it's something a bit different than not enough progress. When I used to work with young people on their first legal jobs (as a mentor), I could identify the difference between those who were stuck in their ways of being and those who might also be stuck or struggling with something, but they had potential. Seeing those who had potential but weren't able to improve and trying to work with them-- I was always pushing them. The ones that didn't seem to have much potential, I just really didn't try that hard. I was accepting of the ones, sometimes more affirming, than those who I thought could do better. My most contentious relationships were with those I perceived could do much better and become better professionals. Maybe I was wrong about those judgements, although after doing it for 25 years, I think I was pretty spot on.

So if there's a parallel to T's, I think it may not be frustration with a lack of progress as much as the difficulty of seeing those with potential not living up to it. And/or maybe it is about how he wants to work. I don't think it's unreasonable for a therapist to decide to end therapy if there isn't adequate progress made; some would say that's the only ethical thing to do. Then maybe it's a fit issue, although I think you've said before you're unwilling to try another therapist, but if you have goals that are in conflict with his idea of progress, it seems like you are setting yourself up for frustration, which you clearly feel. If you're not willing to see someone else and he's insisting on the traditional kind of progress, then it makes sense to me that there's a lot of frustration that you'd feel.

My T is a trauma specialist so he does not focus primarily on short term therapy but he has said if he is still seeing someone in ten years then he is not doing his job.

I had a difficult session a week ago and I actually asked him yesterday if he was frustrated with me. He repaired the rupture but he did say he was a little bit frustrated because he would rather work on me getting better over the relationship. He said the relationship is important too so it needed to be addressed.

My T has said many times that it is his ethical duty to refer me if I have not made any progress each year. He said not me, but many people go to therapy just to chit chat each week and lean on the T for support without making any improvements. He says that some therapists will continue to take their money each week, but it is not ethical and he will not do that because he wants to see people get better. He is very goal oriented and although I don't always like him pushing me, I know he has the best intentions and I have made a lot of progress.

Even in the best of situations, with my issues he has said I will probably need 5-10 years of therapy. I don't know if I will last that long but I continue to try to work hard and know that he will refer me if I do not make any progress.

My T gives six months and if no progress you get the boot. I’m going on two years with him so I must be making some progress, but it just feels like it’s never enough and I feel like I have to explain what I see as progress, and then he tells me I’m overstating it. No matter what, I can’t win, so most days I don’t even try.

There can be several types of frustration.

One type stems from the therapist own needs to be useful and when he does not feel that he is useful and accomplishing anything then he might feel frustrated. I would basically call it counter-transference and if not kept under check can be harmful to the therapy.

Another type of frustration can be symptomatic, indicating that the patient is ready to take a next step but is not doing that for some reason. This can be also called counter-transference but is basically something that comes from the patient and that can be used to further the therapy.

My own T has been few times frustrated with me because he has felt that I am ready for doing something new or more. In this case expressing the frustration in a genuine way can actually be quite helpful.

I often get frustrated with my lack of progress.

T always seems to come up with points that (at least to her) indicate progress.

I had one get mildly frustrated. But she was operating under a delusion... that something she said or did was going to lead to improvement in my life or well being. It was shared delusion... i had unexamined assumptions about buying a healing relationship like a commodity.

At best there were transient palliative effects. Was like getting a single large hit of some drug that merely masked symptoms. And meanwhile troubling patterns were being laid down which led to new and lasting problems.

The expectation ought to be... don't make things worse, and clearly many of them cannot even manage that.

No, he generally wouldn't tell me something like that but I don't know if he felt it.

Sometimes I would think he was feeling something like irritation but later learn they were my feelings projected on him.

If we were stuck, he might confront me, which I've found to be helpful as it's always propelled me towards growth. At the time, it would make me angry, so it took me awhileto figure out he would do that for my benefit. He knows more about me than I do myself sometimes, which took me awhile to realize and admit.

I became more frustrated at the nonsensical crap the woman thought was progress. One time she said that I didn't tell her about X anymore so that minute was all solved and I had to explain the reason I didn't tell her about X anymore is because of how totally crap she wasn't handling it. It was still the same for me but she was so ****** at it I just stopped bothering to try to tell her about it.

I've been with my current T for 2.5 years. I would say I am the one who is frustrated with the lack of progress... she I think is more concerned about it. Last time I saw her she said "I'm not sure therapy is working for you" and seemed to blame herself. When really it is my fault that I'm not very forthcoming

I'm not sure. I know she sometimes questions if she's helping me enough. I don't know if this is a source of frustration for her.

I just had this conversation with T. I emailed him after session asking him if he feels I am wasting my time in therapy. He called to say he thinks I picked up on his frustration on how we can move what we do together in the therapy room to me being able to do it on my own outside of session. The work is not transferring over to real world application.