Does your therapist get frustrated with a lack of progress?

20oney · Mar 14, 2019 at 06:16 AM

I’ve been in therapy for some time. A few different therapists over the years and no one seems to be able to crack the wall. Not yet anyway.

I’ve been with my current T for maybe 9 months and it’s going well for the most part. I try pretty hard to remind myself that she is a T and that she is a safe space etc. But we don’t seems to get too far. I understand it all takes time, and I am not one for putting a time limit on these things as talking does not come easy to me. I sense my therapist getting frustrated sometimes. I think she believes in a more short term arrangement. I think she gets frustrated when her efforts do not prove so rewarding.

I donno. I like going to see T because as I said, it is a safe space. It is the only safe space that I have to explore emotions and stuff - when I feel comfortable enough to expose little pieces. I understand more about myself every week and maybe I should communicate this with her.

Does anyone else’s therapist get frustrated when you don’t seem to be making much progress?

Echos Myron redux · Mar 14, 2019 at 06:34 AM

Only a couple of times has he shown frustration about his feelings of stuckness. Once, he said that what we were talking about was a "cul de sac" and the other time he said he felt like we were "wading through treacle".

Both times I reminded him that those were his feelings and not mine, and this is my therapy. Especially the second time, when I said "I pay you £x per hour to wade through as much treacle as I f***ing well need to". Both times he has recognised those feelings originate in him and he's allowed me to take the therapy where I want to take it.

I wouldn't do well with a therapist who believed more in short term therapy. To be honest I wouldn't do well with a therapist who thought they knew what I need better than I do, at all.

Omers · Mar 14, 2019 at 07:44 AM

Not with my current T, he seemed to catch on to me pretty quickly and interact in ways that really helped me to trust and open up quickly... although he would still like to see me more open. But I have with past T’s. The last T I worked with eventually just gave up on me but kept seeing me so that I could see Pdoc. It’s kinda awkward because net T and last T know eachother and he thinks very highly of last T. Another T told me that reducing the symptoms of my PTSD was the best I could hope for, I was too damaged to heal to the degree I sought after. It sucks and is really discouraging. But I would ask if that is really how they are feeling. For the past two days I have felt that T is disappointed with me but have no justification for it. So I know he would have me journal the thought, where did it come from and what is it trying to tell me.

LonesomeTonight · Mar 14, 2019 at 08:03 AM

My ex-T got frustrated with me, and it was part of what led to my leaving. Because I thought I'd made a fair amount of progress. While she was saying I still had so many issues with anxiety and depression, after 6 years. It felt like she thought I was a failure. Even though at some point she said she was afraid she wasn't helping enough (so more about her than me). But it was still very difficult to feel that frustration.

With current T, I've asked a few times about whether he's frustrated. Recently, I said something like, "I'm sorry, I must be really frustrating to work with, that I seem to be doing better then react really strongly to something." T assured me that he wasn't frustrated, how it's all part of the process. And that meant a lot to me. I told him I think it's that I'm frustrated with myself, so I'm projecting that onto him. As I told him before, I need someone who can bear with me, and he's said he would do that.

Taylor27 · Mar 14, 2019 at 08:05 AM

Sometimes i feel he get fustrated with me especially now that he is retiring and that I have to tell him why im not ready to go out on my own is making him fustrated unwilling to keep my file open so another therapist can take over. However it is my therapy and my journey and i should be allowed to see another therapist.

satsuma · Mar 14, 2019 at 08:17 AM

I keep on expecting him to be frustrated! But he doesn't get frustrated. He once said he finds my therapy 'satisfyingly challenging'

I think some therapists are more oriented towards short term therapy focussing on reaching specific goals, while others enjoy rolling up their sleeves and working for the long haul. It is probably all part of finding a good fit between client and therapist.

stopdog · Mar 14, 2019 at 08:31 AM

I never met a therapist who could tell if a client was progressing or not. I don't believe it is their place to become frustrated with clients. It is the client's life, not that of the therapist. If the therapist wants to feel good about themselves, they should look elsewhere than at me.

ArtleyWilkins · Mar 14, 2019 at 08:37 AM

Not frustrated about lack of progress. More a concern that this problems I was having weren't seeming to move at one point (dangerously stuck for a lengthy period of time), and wanting to be sure I was not perhaps needing a different type of care. Options were discussed, offered, and even somewhat pursued, but ultimately I chose to stay with both my pdoc and my therapist because I didn't feel the lack of forward progress was due to any shortcoming or mismatched. I knew I was just at that stuck place and things would eventually start progressing, which they did.

seoultous · Mar 14, 2019 at 10:22 AM

Frustration hasn't been an issue between me and my Ts. Ive had 3. One I saw 3x, another 4 years, and the current one is going on 10 years. I would have no problem leaving a T who frustrated me or one that I visibly frustrated.

Anne2.0 · Mar 14, 2019 at 10:49 AM

To me he seems pretty patient when I recircle the same issue. Much more patient than I am.

SlumberKitty · Mar 14, 2019 at 12:06 PM

One T I saw in the Summer for four sessions seemed very frustrated at where I was at considering I had spent 10 years previous in therapy. It didn't make for a good start, and ultimately it didn't end well. HUGS Kit

nottrustin · Mar 14, 2019 at 01:05 PM

This is something I frequently worry about. I never worried bout it until I started coming to PC as I trusted that if my T had issues with it she would say so. She always said I was making huge progress but I didnt really see it.

I 2orry about it a lit I don't know if it is because of the difference in Ts or because of PC. I worry she will be frustrated because I feel like it is one good deep appointment then 2 or 3 where we "recover" from the good. I am frustrated and worry she us too. The recovery is spent trying to process what happened, what we learned from it. She often seems frustrated but says that we are making progress and I recognize that I am impatient

Salmon77 · Mar 14, 2019 at 04:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 20oney

I’ve been in therapy for some time. A few different therapists over the years and no one seems to be able to crack the wall. Not yet anyway.

I’ve been with my current T for maybe 9 months and it’s going well for the most part. I try pretty hard to remind myself that she is a T and that she is a safe space etc. But we don’t seems to get too far. I understand it all takes time, and I am not one for putting a time limit on these things as talking does not come easy to me. I sense my therapist getting frustrated sometimes. I think she believes in a more short term arrangement. I think she gets frustrated when her efforts do not prove so rewarding.

I donno. I like going to see T because as I said, it is a safe space. It is the only safe space that I have to explore emotions and stuff - when I feel comfortable enough to expose little pieces. I understand more about myself every week and maybe I should communicate this with her.

Does anyone else’s therapist get frustrated when you don’t seem to be making much progress?

Are you sure that she is frustrated? Has she actually said she thinks therapy should be short term or that your progress should be faster? From your post it sounds more like you yourself are frustrated with your difficulty in opening up.

MoxieDoxie · Mar 14, 2019 at 06:02 PM

What if there is no progress to be made and you just can't be fixed? Some things are just to broken to be fixed.

Omers · Mar 14, 2019 at 06:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nottrustin

This is something I frequently worry about. I never worried bout it until I started coming to PC as I trusted that if my T had issues with it she would say so. She always said I was making huge progress but I didnt really see it.

I 2orry about it a lit I don't know if it is because of the difference in Ts or because of PC. I worry she will be frustrated because I feel like it is one good deep appointment then 2 or 3 where we "recover" from the good. I am frustrated and worry she us too. The recovery is spent trying to process what happened, what we learned from it. She often seems frustrated but says that we are making progress and I recognize that I am impatient

When my T and I have had a particularly deep session T tries to keep the next session or two lighter which frustrates me. I can see where we are still moving and working towards my goals, especially my goal for today, but he won’t allow it to go deep. So it may not be you.

nottrustin · Mar 14, 2019 at 06:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

One T I saw in the Summer for four sessions seemed very frustrated at where I was at considering I had spent 10 years previous in therapy. It didn't make for a good start, and ultimately it didn't end well. HUGS Kit

So sorry it was so difficult for you. I think Emdr T had a similar reaction initially. Because I have so much insight (between 10 years of therapy and working in mental health for 12 years) intellectually I knew so much and knew the right things to say. Plus she had a different interpretation of what I was seeing her for. In hindsight she realized she started to quickly and pushed to hard.

It was after a couple of very intense appointments she reached out T to get her input. She realized she had made some assumptions about where I was emotionally. She was frustrated but at herself for assuming things and not asking more queations.

guilloche · Mar 14, 2019 at 08:54 PM

Yes. I mean, yes, it seems like all of them have been frustrated at me for not being able to go faster. But, then the way they act makes it even harder for me to be open/trust them, so their frustration just slows things down more. It's terrible.

Last T - I'm sure she was. I'm sure that's part of what led to the ending... she thought we needed to set goals with a timeline, so she could refer me out if "we" (*cough* *me* *cough*) didn't meet the goals.

That tells me she was frustrated and wanted to see specific outcomes faster. Which, yippee for her. That's not helpful to me though. It very much felt like, "hey, if you don't stop being depressed in the next 3 months, I'll kick you out."

So, yup.

ScarletPimpernel · Mar 15, 2019 at 01:26 AM

My T doesn't judge me on progress. She says there's many definitions of progress. She does like to push me to keep growing, but she isn't ever going to tell me that I'm not progressing. She knows I have a fear that if I get better then she'll leave me. She tells me that's not the case. But we do taper down sessions when I don't need her as much.

piggy momma · Mar 15, 2019 at 05:32 AM

I feel like my T expects that if I talk about something once it should be fixed. Sometimes he'll say things like "we just talked about this last week". It frustrates the hell out of me.

I don't think I can be fixed. I feel like his job is just to help make my life livable. He wants constant, ongoing progress. I told him a couple weeks ago that sometimes my idea of progress is not going backwards. Sometimes progress is I didn't kill myself that day. It's not what he wants to hear...and pretty much every week I go in expecting to be fired because I'm not making enough progress.

20oney · Mar 15, 2019 at 05:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Salmon77

Are you sure that she is frustrated? Has she actually said she thinks therapy should be short term or that your progress should be faster? From your post it sounds more like you yourself are frustrated with your difficulty in opening up.

She hasn’t said that therapy should be short term as such, but has made comment on the idea that I don’t want to be in therapy forever.. I am definitely frustrated with my difficulty in opening up, but I do sense that T does get frustrated at times - I guess it all depends on the session.

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Taylor27 healing from trauma Member Since Dec 2017 Location: Alberta Posts: 30,425 (SuperPoster!) 6 24.3k hugs given	Mar 14, 2019 at 08:05 AM #5 Sometimes i feel he get fustrated with me especially now that he is retiring and that I have to tell him why im not ready to go out on my own is making him fustrated unwilling to keep my file open so another therapist can take over. However it is my therapy and my journey and i should be allowed to see another therapist.
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seoultous Member Member Since Feb 2011 Location: in an old house Posts: 379 13 22 hugs given	Mar 14, 2019 at 10:22 AM #9 Frustration hasn't been an issue between me and my Ts. Ive had 3. One I saw 3x, another 4 years, and the current one is going on 10 years. I would have no problem leaving a T who frustrated me or one that I visibly frustrated. __________________ Bipolar: Lamictal, and Abilify. Klonopin, Ritalin and Xanax PRN.
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Anne2.0 Grand Magnate Member Since Aug 2012 Location: Anonymous Posts: 3,132 11 129 hugs given	Mar 14, 2019 at 10:49 AM #10 To me he seems pretty patient when I recircle the same issue. Much more patient than I am.
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SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Mar 14, 2019 at 12:06 PM #11 One T I saw in the Summer for four sessions seemed very frustrated at where I was at considering I had spent 10 years previous in therapy. It didn't make for a good start, and ultimately it didn't end well. HUGS Kit __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA
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