Can I ask for this?

GeekyOne · Mar 15, 2019 at 09:35 PM

My experience is that, if you are not a minor, this is a boundary you can hold.

I have told both my pdoc and my T, at times, that I don't want to talk about it when they've asked. My pdoc might push just a bit by asking if I am doing anything that could require medical attention. When the answer is no, she drops it. (My T knows I see my pdoc weekly, and would only ask if pdoc knows)

My experience is the rules, reactions and approach are much different if you are a minor.

Amyjay · Mar 16, 2019 at 02:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fille_folle

I texted her and confessed (I told her she didn't need to reply. I feel like an asshole for texting her about this at all, especially on the weekend). I know she's read it. For some reason, I thought this would end my rumination spiral. Boy, was I wrong. Now I can't stop thinking about how she must be really angry with me for lying and also for texting her about it.

And I can't find my inhaler and I really need it...

You know, she probably just feels compassion for you. |
How would you feel about a client if the roles were reversed?

guilloche · Mar 16, 2019 at 08:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fille_folle

I texted her and confessed (I told her she didn't need to reply. I feel like an asshole for texting her about this at all, especially on the weekend). I know she's read it. For some reason, I thought this would end my rumination spiral. Boy, was I wrong. Now I can't stop thinking about how she must be really angry with me for lying and also for texting her about it.

*hugs* - I'm sorry that you're feeling so rotten, even after texting here. It sounds like she understands how incredibly difficult it is for you to talk about, and given that, I bet she's going to be grateful that you told her, even if it was in a text after the session. That's still a type of progress with being open and sharing something difficult!

I wouldn't worry about it being the weekend - she's grown-up. If she doesn't want to deal with texts on the weekend, she can turn her phone off or set it aside. That's her responsibility, not yours! (And in this case, it sounds like the text was a good idea - not "too much" or anything like that.)

Hope you can feel better soon.

fille_folle · Mar 16, 2019 at 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amyjay

You know, she probably just feels compassion for you. |
How would you feel about a client if the roles were reversed?

Well... I would not make a good therapist. I wouldn't be annoyed by the lie/omission, but I would probably feel a little bit annoyed by the text and feel like the client was trying to manipulate me for reassurance or attempting to make me worry about them.

Maybe I'm projecting my lack of empathy regarding this issue onto her. I don't know. She doesn't encourage text messages, so I think it is very possible she doesn't like that I sent one.

Also, I rarely send her texts, but I actually sent her one on 3/7 too because I was really upset due to unexpectedly quitting my job, which made me want to hurt myself. She responded, "We'll talk about it tomorrow" (I had a session the next day). I felt put in my place by that, and I can't believe I've gone and sent her another.

I also think she's probably annoyed with me already because I barely said anything at my session on Friday.

comrademoomoo · Mar 16, 2019 at 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fille_folle

Well... I would not make a good therapist. I wouldn't be annoyed by the lie/omission, but I would probably feel a little bit annoyed by the text and feel like the client was trying to manipulate me for reassurance or attempting to make me worry about them.

I think this is exactly what you did. It sounds like you did text her for reassurance and that you would feel comforted by her expressing concern. There's nothing wrong with trying to get your needs met, I don't think it's helpful for it to be called manipulation. You might reach a point where you can meet you needs in a more explicit way, but it seems like for now you are doing the best you can by texting her.

fille_folle · Mar 16, 2019 at 02:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by comrademoomoo

I think this is exactly what you did. It sounds like you did text her for reassurance and that you would feel comforted by her expressing concern. There's nothing wrong with trying to get your needs met, I don't think it's helpful for it to be called manipulation. You might reach a point where you can meet you needs in a more explicit way, but it seems like for now you are doing the best you can by texting her.

No, that's not what I did, although I understand why you might think so. I told her not to respond. I have done this in the past, and know she does not respond when I say she doesn't need to - so I had no expectation of a response. I know sometimes people do this and still hope they get a reply, but I don't. This is confirmed by the fact that I do not feel hurt that she has not responded. If I had been seeking reassurance or an expression of concern (like when I texted her about quitting my job), my ruminations would be about how she must not care about me rather than that she is perhaps irritated or angry.

Edit: It is perhaps worth noting that my reason for not seeking reassurance has as much to do with the risk of not receiving it as that I don't want to bother her. I protect myself from potential destabilization by not requiring a response and making that clear to her.

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