Therapy by candlelight

When I arrived at my therapist’s house last night (home office) it was dark. At first I thought I had gotten my appointment times mixed up - turns out I hadn’t and she had just lost electricity. Long story short, we talked in almost darkness - and found it much easier to open up to her. But about halfway through the session the power came back on and I felt exposed somehow and quickly reverted back to my normal, non-disclosing self. It was almost like being in the light made me feel ashamed. Is that strange? Has this happened to anyone else?

No but I can see how it could be easier for you. Similar to why many people prefer to make out with the lights off.

Maybe you can ask her to put them low again sometime or something

Not strange at all. When I was still seeing t one of us would always turn off the lamp and we'd just talk with the natural late-afternoon light coming in the windows and a candle or two, toward the end of my sessions it would be starting to get dark, I think it was really helpful for me to be open and honest talking in lower lighting.

My T's office has big windows, but I like when it's overcast outside when I see her. It feels cozier. She will sometimes light a candle (she has asked before if it's okay with me), and she uses lamps instead of overhead florescent lighting. I think it helps with intimacy and opening up. I could totally see my T continuing with a session in a power outage. It takes A LOT to make her cancel. We have had sessions during tornado warnings before.

It would creep me out. Not only because of the increased fire hazard due to the candles, but I like a lot of light. Dimness makes me very wary.

Now you have me curious!
I’ve worked with a couple of T’s with dimly lit offices... it scared me with the first one but everything about that T scared me, the others it really didn’t help or bother me. There was one T who would give me a ride home (I was her last client of the day, my house was on her way home, I didn’t have a car yet and it was a three mile walk). NEVER wanted to talk in session but being beside her in the car with little to no chance of eye contact I always wanted to open up to her then. I never did though because she was “off the clock”. In later years we discussed this and she said she wished I would have. She was trying SO hard to help me feel safe (moving her office around so the door wasn’t blocked, bringing me to dinner, offering tea.... ) she said if I had she would have suggested just going for a ride around until I got used to talking to her.
I am curious, I know new T does see clients after dark and I can’t imagine the lights in his office being very bright. I think it would bother me with new T though. He is TOTALLY my anchor during sessions, my safety. I think not being able to see him as clearly would be unsettling for me and a I would shut down. He has done some work while standing behind me but all I had to do was listen. I know at one point we were doing some work and he turned to face the board he writes on and it really, really bothered me. He was surprised when I very sheepishly asked to move my chair because I couldn’t see his face. Usually I am stone still and avoid any movement and tries to get me to move. Yeh, not sure dim lights would work.

I get migraines and when I would have a migraine in session my former T would turn the lights down or off and we would just have the natural light at that point. It did seem to help me open up. Current T I see later at night, so there is just a lamp on and it is darker (though not dark) in her office. I talk more with her than I did with former T so maybe it has to do with that? Not sure. Something to think about. HUGS Kit

Former T's office was always lit by lamps, like living room level light. Current T has no lamps, large windows with blinds, and overhead fluorescent light. The second time I saw her, I asked if she'd mind if I turned off the overhead light and opened the blinds a bit. I felt like I was being interrogated by the Spanish Inquisition with that lighting! It gets a little tricky on late afternoon mid-winter days, but I still won't turn on the light. I have read that some people (and I think I'm one of them because I've had the same experiences in offices with fluorescent lights) are particularly sensitive to it and that it alters brain waves in a way that can leave some people feeling ill and anxious.

I'm much more comfortable in dimmer light, although I think it's because I'm one of those sensitive to fluorescent lights. My nervous system is already reved up, and lights somehow intensify certain feelings.

I already feel and perceive intensely enough. Candles sound nice, actually.

Why not ask to leave the lights dim more often? I've done that.

I never actually thought about the lighting in my T's office. I don't remember overhead lights or even lamps. I think there's just natural light. Then again, that seems impossible because when I was first seeing her, we met late enough in the afternoon that it would have been not dark, but not very light outside when I left - and we were never sitting in the dark. I'd remember that. T hasn't even liked the times where I hid my face, so I don't imagine she'd want to sit in the dark, either.

She does have candles, but they usually aren't lit when I come in. She did have this one candle that was lit fairly recently and it smelled like a blueberry muffin. I picked it up to look at the bottom and see if that was supposed to be the scent. T asked me if it bothered me, and I said no, it smelled yummy. Not sure that she believed me, though, because I noticed that it hasn't been lit when I come in since then - but I can sometimes tell that it had been recently.

I never thought about it but the best appointments with T were at her house and the only lights we the natural lights. I always felt more relaxed at her home office (though only was there a couple of years), I always attributed it to her dog being there, having to hear anybody in the hallway, and she seemed more relaxed in her home. I do remember though the times we didnt need lights very fondly. Maybe I should mention it to EMDR T.

This is really interesting. Maybe you could ask to do it by candlelight again, since it worked well? It would be good for the environment and save on T's energy bill as well!

Ahh! Thats anazing! This should be an ongoing option in therapy. Although it may be uncomfortable with any erotic transference

Hah! No erotic transference here! Although, it made it much easier to talk.