Arrogant T

No not my T!!

Today I went to an all day training through our church for adults working with teens on the big issues they face. They brought in a teen psychotherapist from out of state.

He seemed like he could be a good therapist but he seemed pretty darn arrogant. He did state he has a huge ego. He told us many times about his books and podcasts. What I found really interesting was he kept saying how he has an amazing natural ability to read people. Yet in his talk he mentioned situations where he rotLly messed up because teens asked questions and he misread the cues about what they were really asking.

Many people found him really interesting and felt the learned a lot...including the 3 people I attended the training.

I asked him the question of how do you respond to a teen who thinks we hate them because of a lifestyle they live. He does not judge and treats many clients with the lifestyles that many believe Catholics are against. His response ri ke qas wel I would ask them why they felt we hated them. Then once they told us the reasons we should validate them by saying that based upon their experiences we understand why they believe the way they do.

I dont know this seems pretty BS to me. As a client. I hate when my T answers a question with a question. It rarely happens but on occasion it has in the past. Plus in validating the client he totally avoided the question. What would your response be??

I worked with teens in the child welfare system for years before leaving to adopt and raise my son... I call BS. Teen aren’t going to deal with an arrogant know it all T. Then let the kids tell us why we hate them, validate their experiences of hate and drop the ball... ahhhh nope.
Granted... not a Catholic but most days may as well be... if a teen is living a lifestyle outside of that which is condoned by the church and they are involved in church life enough that they are coming to your attention then this is a HUGE deal. I learned with teens that transparency without judgement about differences in our beliefs went a long way as did understanding the reasons why they were doing what they were doing. There are so many emotions that need to be addressed if they feel rejected by the church they go to/we raised in/are affiliated with.
I would be open but nonjudgmental about my views and try and make the space safe for us to agree to disagree on the lifestyle choices until I had more information.

Personally I distrust anyone who brags about having a huge ego. 😖

First - totally agree that an arrogant T would be a huge turn off to many teens!

My religious background/beliefs are not Catholic, but I think those are good times to discuss how religion is more complicated than it seems at first blush.

This could also be used as an opportunity to discuss the parts of the belief system that resonate with them, and the parts that don't. They might be helped by learning that there are other Christians (or religions) whose beliefs may more closely match those of the teen.

I could see this being viewed as not appropriate by a church group though, given the idea that the teen might hear or decide that they should follow a different belief system or religion.

He did say the church beliefs is like swiss cheese because of the holes.

I am with you. I really hope that was s tactic to get the adults to believe him and not something he tells his clients. Most people in the audience seemed to love him. I felt like I was in an awkward position. As a client some of the things he said helped me understand why my Ts have done and said the things they did. I also had the prospective of a parent of teens and young adults. But I also was looking though the lender of a person who us considering becoming a T.

I think what and who people find arrogant and having a "huge ego" are pretty individual. I like confident and articulate people, while others would label them as arrogant. Personally I think when people acknowledge they have a "huge ego" they are typically less problematic than those that do have an ego, but don't admit it. I consult with lawyers and meet all kinds of different folks. Lawyers tend to run on the arrogant side, although almost all that I work with are pretty manageable in this dimension (stupid and lazy are bigger problems for me than arrogance, although occasionally they go together.

But on the issue of the answering a question with a question, I think I could see how the question would be answered within this format. Understanding why a teen might think that her lifestyle deserves hatred from a religious group (and I'm not catholic and hardly understand the religion myself) would help the provider articulate why they don't hate them. It's a place to start, and I'm not sure he doesn't follow that up with something that he didn't explain in answer to the question. Like if the teen said I think Catholics hate me because I'm gay in answer to his question, I don't think he would just say "Mmm mmm." I would think he would use that answer to say something like "whatever the Catholic Church's formal position on ___ is, that isn't my belief or the attitude in the church where I practice." Because the teen could misunderstand religious doctrine or practice as it relates to lifestyle choices, or they could have it right but it has a different reality in the context of therapy.

The other thing I've learned working with professionals, including lawyers, and especially presenters (sometimes professors) is that people have different ways of being in public and in private. I've met the mousiest, most boring individuals who are electrifying in the classroom or giving public speeches; and I've met the most loud, obnoxious people who communicate with me in very annoying ways, but speak to their legal clients with exquisite sensitivity and generosity. So sometimes people are different one-on-one than they are in a group or public setting. You just never know. I'm not denying the possibility that this therapist is an arrogant @ss, however.

I feel like I'm missing something here. I don't see his question as anything bad in fact I think it is insightful because he needs to find out why the teen feels the way he feels. I think validating the teen is a key in getting him to trust and confide in him more. I feel like I'm missing something here. I don't see his question as anything bad in fact I think it is insightful because he needs to find out why the teen feels the way he feels. I think validating the teen is key in getting him to trust and confide in the T more. I hear you on the ego business. I've never been a fan of anyone who has an ego but doesn't know it or announces that they have an ego and knows it.

I think what was off putting to me is he was suppose to help us to learn as non therapists to deal with teens and the current issues. While I understand wanting to get more information so as to know why a smyeen is a song the question, I hate answering a question with a question. I also hate when a therapist does it. I understand there is value in it. Howver he totally avoided answering the question.

News just in! Some people are shoddy at their jobs!! Stay tuned for more updates.