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Old 03-17-2019, 07:31 AM #11
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Default Re: T changing boundary

I think if we have more information regarding what boundaries you were talking about we could comment more specifically.
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Old 03-17-2019, 07:36 AM #12
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Default Re: T changing boundary

I doubt the OP wanted people to comment specifically (specifics often seem to lead to others shaming and blaming the poster or giving unwanted and unsolicited advice ) but rather more wanted to talk about their experience, feelings, and pehaps have people empathize.
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Old 03-17-2019, 11:59 AM #13
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Originally Posted by stopdog View Post
I doubt the OP wanted people to comment specifically (specifics often seem to lead to others shaming and blaming the poster or giving unwanted and unsolicited advice ) but rather more wanted to talk about their experience, feelings, and pehaps have people empathize.
I don’t plan on blaming anyone. I was just trying to understand what kind of boundaries we were talking about. It could be something like no more emails or something more serious like not being allowed to talk about certain things or subjects.
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Old 03-17-2019, 12:20 PM #14
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Default Re: T changing boundary

Depending upon the person involved - any change can be devastating. Emails can be just as "serious" as anything else. The boundary itself does not matter in terms of the feelings the change evokes.
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Old 03-17-2019, 12:25 PM #15
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Default Re: T changing boundary

When I started therapy T said texts were ok and so were emails but she didn't respond. Then about 6 months in she said she had been reading a lot of information about privacy and now those things were not ok. We don't email much (4 - 6 emails over 2 years) and do sometimes text but 90% scheduling

Even though I don't use these methods for much personal, when she changed them it felt like a lot of trust became unstuck. It took about another 6 monthes before we were back where we were before. (A lot of issues came from ex t 1 and 2 and how they treated communication) Now we are both fully comfortable again. A boundary change can be overcome but I think you should be honest about how affected you are

Also I don't think you need to share more. I hear you.
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Old 03-17-2019, 12:41 PM #16
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Default Re: T changing boundary

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BudFox- not sure if your post was in response to mine re Richard grannon and Sam vaknin or was nothing to do with it at all- but in case I wasn’t clear- I’m not supporting their perspective I just found it “interesting”
I’m not a fan of psychotherapy and am currently suffering the fallout of boundary changes/crossings and the general “throw the client under the bus and ignore” technique -ignoring/silent treatment done “professionally “ and repeatedly in face to face /email/txt has to be one of the cruellest techniques they’re paid to perfect-I feel for OP
No I was just commenting on the original post. I have watched Grannon and Vaknin videos in the past. I recall both making some valid points, but i can no longer tolerate gasbags who think they understand life better than others.

I have not had a therapist take away privileges as OP describes, but did have a therapist dictate boundaries to me like i was a toddler. That therapist eventually threw me under the bus, and then ignored my attempts to continue dialog (silent treatment).

Ironic that these supposedly healing relationships have so many features of abusive and co-dependent relationships.
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Old 03-17-2019, 01:26 PM #17
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Depending upon the person involved - any change can be devastating. Emails can be just as "serious" as anything else. The boundary itself does not matter in terms of the feelings the change evokes.
I feel like your intent is just to correct everything I say. I'm sorry if I implied that emails were less serious than not being able to talk about a certain subjects because it's not what I meant. All I was saying is that context helps me but I certainly do not want to force the OP to give context that they are not comfortable with giving.
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Old 03-17-2019, 06:27 PM #18
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Default Re: T changing boundary

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post


I feel like your intent is just to correct everything I say. I'm sorry if I implied that emails were less serious than not being able to talk about a certain subjects because it's not what I meant. All I was saying is that context helps me but I certainly do not want to force the OP to give context that they are not comfortable with giving.
It's ok to ask a question. People can respond if/what they are comfortable responding.
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Old 03-17-2019, 06:38 PM #19
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Default Re: T changing boundary

I don't think one can force an anonymous poster to give details.
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Old 03-17-2019, 09:49 PM #20
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Default Re: T changing boundary

Hi everyone. Thank you SO much for your responses. I can’t tell you how much they mean to me and how helpful they are to me, as I’m really struggling with this issue and have been finding it so painful.
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