[Thalassophile]

Has your T ever shared their mental health struggles with you or have they somehow indirectly come up in therapy either through speaking about it or through you noticing something about them in session? If so does it impact your sessions at all? I am beginning to suspect my therapist experiences depression which I know wouldn't be uncommon but it is starting to impact my sessions.

[DP_2017]

Yep, we talk about it often. It's helpful for me, because I like being able to relate on that level. We understand each other in that way. He willingly told me....

[velcro003]

yeah. i know my T had an eating disorder for X amount of years and that she is in therapy now.

[Seelenna1982]

My t often talks about her ‘work’ in a way that seems like she’s waiting for me to ask, since she brings it up so often. I’d never ask in a million years, I don’t think it would help me to know either because I already feel compelled to protect her from all my trauma crap (counter productive right) but I think if I asked, she’d tell me. I have a feeling some of it is similar to my stuff since it often makes her cry. Then I feel like a heartless robot and spend the next week kicking myself for being so crap at therapy.

[growlycat]

Yes and I am glad that he has shared with me. It’s less shameful for me knowing his trauma is at least as awful as mine. Maybe worse. Not that I should be comparing. I trust him more knowing he has been through his own therapy.

[piggy momma]

My last T yes. My current T, no.

[Rive1976]

No and I wouldnt want to hear it because it would make me feel like my time was about her not me. Not to mention I would think how can she help messed up me if shes messed up.

[MobiusPsyche]

Yes one day she disclosed that she had been through a trauma similar to mine. She said it was starting to feel like an elephant in the room because she hadn't disclosed and the work was focusing on my trauma at that time. She also disclosed that she had experienced depression and had been through her own therapy. I felt comfortable with all of this as she didn't go into details and it made me feel like maybe, just possibly, she could understand what I was feeling.

[annielovesbacon]

No and I hope she will never tell me. I would spend every waking moment from then on worrying about her.

[satsuma]

No, I think he is being careful to keep the therapy space feeling safe and focused on me. I'm not saying that because I think Ts disclosing something about their mental health is always wrong, but rather that my T is very careful around these issues and I think that is why. He does tell me things about himself and his life, mostly to illustrate things that are 'normal ' e.g. everyone worries about making mistakes, or similar.

No we've not discussed T's mental health. Is like to be in her head sometimes and have a dig around. But it's not hindered my therapy not knowing.

[junkDNA]

yes he's shared his diagnosis with me and that he takes medication

[LonesomeTonight]

Ex-MC talked about his anxiety issues (which I also have) from early on. At first, it made me feel like I could trust him more and that he really understood.. But by the end, it almost seemed as though he felt because he'd gotten through those issues, that I should be able to as well. Like he'd put the blame on me for being too sensitive and anxious in the marriage rather than looking more at some of H's behavior (like yelling at me and D). And that kind of hurt because I felt like he should be more understanding...

Current T has not talked about any mental health struggles. At one point I sort of alluded to him maybe not being able to understand what I'm experiencing (I think he was talking about H not understanding), and he said something like, "I'm not going to share what I have or haven't personally experienced in that area." Which sort of suggests to me that maybe he did deal with something at some point? But I do actually think it's better that he doesn't share, after the experience with ex-MC. I feel that he empathizes with me and validates my experiences/feelings with depression and anxiety, and that's all I really need, I think. If he seems to understand, I'm not sure that I need to know if he's experienced it himself or if he understands through clinical training, other clients, friends/family, or some other reason.

[Glowworm80]

Mine hasn’t shared and I don't think ever would. I do think he has his own struggles from the way he is in some of our sessions and I know it is likely based on the type of person who generally goes into the profession. Sometimes there is something different about my T but yet at the same time he is very much the same in his words and actions. It makes me wonder if there is something else going on for him behind the scenes. I know it is none of my business if they don't want to disclose and I may also be wrong and/or it may be something else entirely.

[Anne2.0]

I can't articulate exactly how T has shared quite a few negative and personal life experiences, including referencing his past therapist who is still alive but that he hasn't seen in many years, without gory details but with an emotional connection to my own experience, without ever making my session about him. This is quite a gift, not necessarily in the sense that he has a gift (rather than training) but because it is a gift to me to be trusted to take his words in the way they're intended.

It has been helpful to know that T has not experienced something in the neighborhood that I have. On the other hand, I also have experiences that are not in the neighborhood of his, including being a woman in a particular field and in a particular culture. T is able to relate to these experiences because he connects to them via the emotional expression. For example, T was not a girl abused by a man who was an extended family member. But he has his own experience of being betrayed and humiliated as a child and that is how he understands mine. Although I think many people have been hurt or humiliated or betrayed as children, I think even a person with a great childhood can understand hurt or whatever. Who hasn't been hurt, for example, by a parent? Or someone in authority who they trusted? It doesn't have to be a giant hole of a hurt either. I find most of my friends, who know the basics of my childhood, understand it from this perspective.

One of the reasons why I like the work I do with traumatized people in the legal system is because my clients feel like I understand them even though most of them have been through so many horrors my life looks like a real picnic. I haven't lived through the chaos of crushing poverty and systemic racism, but I can feel small windows into these experiences because of what I've been through that has evoked similar emotional responses.

[coolibrarian]

Kind of. Particularly as we were going through grieving for our parents, although not at the same time.

[stopdog]

I don't think there are many therapists out there who are not batshit crazy with a myriad of personal problems that caused them to want to become a therapist in the first place.
I don't want to hear about their personal problems. I expect them to have them and to deal with them on their own time, not that which I am paying for.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I don't think there are many therapists out there who are not batshit crazy with a myriad of personal problems that caused them to want to become a therapist in the first place.
I don't want to hear about their personal problems. I expect them to have them and to deal with them on their own time, not that which I am paying for.

Over time, I have come to believe at least a mild version of this sentiment. At first, I put therapists on some kind of pedestal and I thought they were supposed to mentor me, and had their own problems licked. Now I wonder why on God's green earth I ever had this idea, and I'm lining up more and more with StopDog.

I think the very best therapists are those who have their problems under SOME kind of control and have enough insight to help their clients, but many of them...in my experience...end up damaging their clients through weird enactments and re-enactments of their own problems.

My two recent Ts have had big big issues with their own mental health, and even when I was making some progress, their own mental health got in the way and the therapy ended.

[Salmon77]

My T has sort of hinted about some experience with depression in the past and told me he is in therapy himself. This doesn't bother me, I never expected him to have everything figured out or whatever, and it has never been a problem.

If it is getting in the way in session, OP, I would bring it up with her. She needs to be aware of the effect it has on you.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Mine were pretty solid rocks in the mental health end of things. My last one did talk about his struggles with dyslexia (not a mental health issue but an issue that was a struggle to learn to work with) and ADHD (came up because one of my sons has ADHD). The only other thing I can think of is when my first therapist talked about his grief and depression following the death of his son from cancer -- again, mostly in passing, not really discussed in depth.