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Old 03-17-2019, 12:20 PM #11
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Default Re: Going to see doc this week

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Originally Posted by piggy momma View Post
I am not opposed to someone new. Iím conflicted tho. I go between looking for someone else and then saying that if things donít work out with him Iím never doing this again. So I have been looking....but itís hard. Iíll see what my doc says.

Today was an ok day at work and I left wondering if maybe I donít need time off. But my mood and reactions change on a dime so I just donít know anymore.

Iím finally working through the dbt workbook I bought a year ago. Maybe thatíll help.

I wonder if your doc might have any names for you that offer lower fees? And I know it can be difficult to switch T's if you're attached to one...
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Old 03-17-2019, 12:45 PM #12
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Default Re: Going to see doc this week

In another thread, where you were talking about not being able to talk about suicide, you said that he was tired of hearing about it. That really affected me. For whatever reason, I find it really hard to talk to my therapist about suicidal thoughts and that kind of response is something I fear a lot. I mentioned what your therapist told you in my session as an example of what I fear. For what it's worth, my therapist said that what he said is terrible and you need a new therapist.

This guy isn't hearing you and it seems like that's an important thing for a therapist to be able to do. I know you like him, but you can't even talk to him about major things going on in your life. I'm sorry you're going through all this and I hope you are able to get what you need soon.
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Old 03-17-2019, 12:46 PM #13
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I find it really troubling that your T won't "let" you talk about your suicidal feelings, and that you're constantly worried (as you've said in other threads) that he's going to "fire" you or "let you go." You don't work for him--he works for you. It sounds like therapy with him is a big source of anxiety and to me that's not how therapy should be at all. I do hope you can find someone else.
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Old 03-17-2019, 04:20 PM #14
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Default Re: Going to see doc this week

Iím going to ask my doc this week for some names.
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Old 03-17-2019, 05:16 PM #15
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Default Re: Going to see doc this week

agree with all the other posters on this issue. My T is 100% okay w me talking about my suicidal feelings as often as needed.
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Old 03-17-2019, 07:26 PM #16
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Default Re: Going to see doc this week

The other things that occur to me for lower cost therapy (and if you are in school as I think you are, student counseling center?). Also, a psych grad program, if it exists at your school, usually has a clinic with sliding fee scales run by the department (unless your T teaches in it, but even so . . _. ). Also, if you are a survivor of childhood abuse, your local domestic violence shelter may offer free counseling and/or groups and you don't need to be a resident. Or a survivor of sexual assault, Rape Crisis Services, same thing. Sometimes these places offer help getting connected to lower cost counseling. Finally, is there a community mental health center (run by Dept Pub Health or some such) nearby?
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Old 03-17-2019, 09:18 PM #17
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Default Re: Going to see doc this week

@Anne2.0

My school is super tiny - we have less than 1,000 students, only offer eight degrees, and the counselling service is provided by a Masters student, so the school counsellor is not an option.

I checked with Catholic Family Services last summer when he went away and they do provide low cost options however you can't just call and book in. They put you on a list and when there's an opportunity they call you. So nothing is guaranteed.

I also checked with another major counselling centre. I used them years ago and didn't have the greatest experience, plus, because of where I live, they are super inconvenient to get to.

I am going to ask T and my doc for some names. I'm specifically going to ask them if they know anyone who will do DBT with me over the summer at the same fee he charges me (and after they are done laughing i will continue my search).

I'm nowhere near ready to leave him. Is he perfect? No. Does he make mistakes? Of course. Do we clash sometimes? Yep. But other than the suicide thing, I'm really, really comfortable with him, and can tell him anything (except if I'm having suicidal thoughts), and he's done so much for me and been so good to me. I know I ***** a lot and I do feel I could benefit from more frequency, but I also have to respect his judgment. He is highly sought after, was asked to help create the DSM-5, has five degrees, works four jobs....he's a busy dude, so I get that he can't give me an extra hour right now. I'm just grateful that he is seeing me. He could have said no when I asked him. I told him I'd be an easy case and I've been anything but. He's stuck by me a lot, through a lot of things, and saved my *** a few times too. I do really like him a lot.
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Old 03-17-2019, 09:25 PM #18
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Default Re: Going to see doc this week

And...while I was working today, I realized something.

With my last T, we were super, super close. We emailed constantly. Texted constantly. Like always. If he wasn't with a client, we were actively communicating back and forth. We broke every boundary a T can break with their client (and ultimately he lost his license for it, but not because of me. Apparently I just wasn't the only one).

Anyway....he gave me everything I want in life - affection, attention, caring, time, himself. He made me feel like a human being with value. He gave me hope. From a therapy perspective, he was honestly the best therapist I ever had. He lives at the other end of the country and I flew down once a week to see him. He pushed me like no other therapist ever has, and made progress with me that no other therapist ever has.

It occurred to me today that I have been holding current T to the same standard, and that's not fair. Current T is a different person, with better (but not perfect) boundaries. He does reply to urgent texts and emails (although I stopped emailing him a few weeks ago, because I realized he was drawing judgments without all the facts, and I don't want that, so now I save everything for in session). Anyway, I've been expecting current T to be like former T. And that's not fair.

Kind of like when my American Eskimo died. I loved that dog so much I knew I could not get another because I would always compare the new dog to the old dog, and that wasn't fair to either. So I got a Corgi instead.

I can't hold P to the same standard as I did D. They are different people, not capable of giving me the same thing. P is a therapist only (well, and a prof and a priest)...he will not be a paid friend or texting buddy. I have to remember that.
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Old 03-18-2019, 01:11 PM #19
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Default Re: Going to see doc this week

I hope your doctor appointment goes well Piggy Momma.
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Old 03-18-2019, 01:16 PM #20
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Default Re: Going to see doc this week

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I hope your doctor appointment goes well Piggy Momma.
Thanks. It's booked for Thursday but I might cancel. I'm feeling better after my meltdown on Friday. I just had therapy this morning and it was a really good session.
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