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Old 03-23-2019, 09:23 AM #41
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Default Re: Going to see doc this week

I emailed someone this morning to see if they will work with me over the summer. Itís a female and I prefer male but Iím getting desperate. Iím trying to find someone I can afford and who will work with chronic suicidal ideation. Most Ts here wonít.
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Old 03-23-2019, 09:24 AM #42
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I hope you find someone.
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Old 03-23-2019, 09:33 AM #43
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Default Re: Going to see doc this week

Quote:
Originally Posted by piggy momma View Post
I emailed someone this morning to see if they will work with me over the summer. Itís a female and I prefer male but Iím getting desperate. Iím trying to find someone I can afford and who will work with chronic suicidal ideation. Most Ts here wonít.
Another way to look at your chronic issue is to shift the focus and to work on dealing with other people's anger or dealing with your childhood. Perhaps the suicidal thoughts are more like the surface of the wound that has just never healed. You can keep cleaning and bandaging the wound, or you can look at what's causing it to continue to hurt. I also think that shifting focus after you've tried focusing on the suicidal thoughts and feelings for years with your therapist might be a worthwhile experiment.

I'd also encourage you not to be too certain in your T preferences. I prefer working with women therapists but I've seen the same guy now for almost 10 years. My first therapist was male, too. For me it's more about the person than the gender, but therapy for me is also more about how I'm willing to make changes and stop avoiding my past rather than who the therapist is. The buddhists say something like when the student is ready, the teacher appears. Therapy has worked for me like that.
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Old 03-23-2019, 10:12 AM #44
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Default Re: Going to see doc this week

We have soooo much to work on. My life is always about putting out fires. Iím hoping we eventually get past the surface stuff to do some deeper work.
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Old 03-24-2019, 07:35 AM #45
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Default Re: Going to see doc this week

I believe you are doing the best you can and sympathise with the difficulties in finding other sources of help.

However, his stance of not talking about any particular topic is not in your best interests. Your best interests and well-being is what he ought to focus, and give priority, to - not his level of discomfort or whatnot. He is not doing that and you are suffering. This is not right.
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Old 03-24-2019, 02:58 PM #46
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Default Re: Going to see doc this week

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Originally Posted by piggy momma View Post
We have soooo much to work on. My life is always about putting out fires. Iím hoping we eventually get past the surface stuff to do some deeper work.
Have you been able to talk about the feelings underlying the sui thoughts?

I used to get them frequently after starting therapy. It was a young part of me experiencing immense suffering, turns out the memories were dissociated but revived in T. But after working through the underlying feelings and how the child felt all the time, I've been able to get past such thoughts and they are rarely part of my life anymore.

Maybe if you talked about the feelings instead of the sui thoughts you could continue with him until you are able to see someone else?

I'd personally would have a hard time opening up to someone who said what your T said before about not being able to see you. (Having said that, my T has said things that seemed cruel a few times over the years, but I later found they seemed to be interventions to get me unstuck or out of a pattern.)

Since you've said you have no other options in terms of a T, I wonder if getting to the root of the feelings is worth a try; a way to move forward and continue with him.
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Old 03-26-2019, 10:10 AM #47
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Default Re: Going to see doc this week

Thatís a good point, octoberful. Maybe if I try that angle instead it will be seen as more productive, and it would be. I never thought of that.

I am also going to go to my doc this week. T says Iím clinically depressed and it might be worth trying some meds, so Iíll see what my doc says. I know she was very against them a year ago, but Iíll ask. I just canít keep continuing like this. Iím tempted to change docs if she wonít help me, but sheís also been my doc for 16 years so Iím hesitant to move on.
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Old 03-26-2019, 11:17 AM #48
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Default Re: Going to see doc this week

Quote:
Originally Posted by piggy momma View Post
Thatís a good point, octoberful. Maybe if I try that angle instead it will be seen as more productive, and it would be. I never thought of that.

I am also going to go to my doc this week. T says Iím clinically depressed and it might be worth trying some meds, so Iíll see what my doc says. I know she was very against them a year ago, but Iíll ask. I just canít keep continuing like this. Iím tempted to change docs if she wonít help me, but sheís also been my doc for 16 years so Iím hesitant to move on.
I would make sure to tell your doc your T says you are clinically depressed, and I think it's good to pursue this as an option. I found relief a number of years ago taking an anti-depressant, and as a side benefit it made my therapy better, because I was able to talk more openly about things because it didn't hurt so bad.

You can also ask for a referral to a psychiatrist, who will likely be willing to prescribe medication if your doc won't. Then you can keep this doc and still pursue getting some chemical assistance.
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Old 03-26-2019, 11:46 AM #49
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Default Re: Going to see doc this week

I agree with what Anne said. Possibly a note from your T or permission to talk to him about it? Why was your doctor against antidepressants before?
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Old 03-26-2019, 12:09 PM #50
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Default Re: Going to see doc this week

Many times GP's are unwilling to prescribe medication that can be used for self harm, when a person has a history of ideations and/or attempts. However, psychiatrists know more about what can be prescribed (including shots rather than pills) or how to prescribe only a small number of pills per day to prevent attempts. Personally I would not go to a GP for psychiatric medication, because psychiatrists have more training and experience with anti-depressants than GP's, and greater expertise means someone who knows how to prevent side effects (a big concern for me when I took medication) as well as how to prescribe for better symptom relief. GP's may not know the difference between different kinds of symptoms or have a theoretical or practical grasp of how certain meds and certain doses are likely to affect people.
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