[weaverbeaver]

One minute my t is irritated at me the next she wants to be friends. I just wish she was consistent with how she is with me!
I really like my t, in fact my feelings for her are extremely strong and this sends me mixed messages when she says. I really like you, I could see us being friends. I find you extremely attractive etc... is this normal in the therapeutic relationship?

[InkyBooky]

That does not sound like a healthy therapeutic relationship to me. But how does it feel to you?? Just sounds very scary to me, and I could never deal with that myself. I feel nervous even reading about this.

[weaverbeaver]

Originally Posted by InkyBooky

That does not sound like a healthy therapeutic relationship to me. But how does it feel to you?? Just sounds very scary to me, and I could never deal with that myself. I feel nervous even reading about this.

It is scary and confusing and I always wonder if this is normal or why would she say that? I don’t understand it!

[Rive.]

She doesn't seem to be keeping ethical boundaries: being potentially friends, commenting on how extremely attractive you are?!

That could be feeding a client's transference... or mess with one's brain. No wonder you are confused. I would be too.

[Omers]

Nope, I’d run.

[nottrustin]

For me it would really depend on the context and how long I had been working with T and our relationship. T and I had very loose boundaries. One day, I saw her outside of therapy and she said something that I questioned. She apologized and said she was sorry she had treated me like a friend and that she knew of we met under different circumstances we would be friends. But we had been working together for about 7 years and I knew we had more than the typical T client relationship and I told her so. Thwn we moved on never to mention it again.

Sometimes I think she backed off some because I think she realized we might be crossing boundaries to much and I think her counter tranferance was a little to intense. We always made it work though; we didnt really discuss it much.

[weaverbeaver]

I think at different stages we have crossed each other’s boundaries! We have been working together for a number of years so we know a lot about each other!
It has worked up until now, something has changed between us lately, I feel she has backed off and doesn’t tell me as much as she used to. I kind of miss that.
It is confusing when she says things like that.

[Omers]

I did have one T where things got blurry. I decided she was a better mentor and friend than a T so we terminated and it worked out well for us. But other T’s have created a lot of pain with the boundary changes or overlap.

[Shotokan Karate]

Originally Posted by weaverbeaver

One minute my t is irritated at me the next she wants to be friends. I just wish she was consistent with how she is with me!
I really like my t, in fact my feelings for her are extremely strong and this sends me mixed messages when she says. I really like you, I could see us being friends. I find you extremely attractive etc... is this normal in the therapeutic relationship?

She is being very unethical. The therapeutic boundaries exist to protect the client. So for her to tell you that you are extremely attractive and that she could possibly be friends with you is breaking those boundaries.

A therapist has to remain objective in order to help the client. So, she needs to be focused on you and the therapeutic relationship and not her needs. If she became your friend, she would lose objectivity because she would expect her needs to be met too (like how all friendships work). I would find another therapist to work with.

[stopdog]

Is this a new therapist or the one that you have had this sort of situation with several times?

[weaverbeaver]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Is this a new therapist or the one that you have had this sort of situation with several times?

It’s the same one Stopdog!