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Old 03-17-2019, 04:32 AM #1
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Default Going to see doc this week

I have been asking my T for some time to increase my sessions, and he will not. He says I don't need it. He says that because he doesn't know everything, because if I talk about suicide too much he will let me go, so I don't talk about it.

I finally made an appointment with my family doctor for this week. I am thinking of taking six months off work on disability leave, and then doing a graduated return to work over the following six months. I have been on leave four times before, so I do have mental health history with my insurer.

I wrote my insurance company a two page letter in response to their question "how does your disability prevent you from working?". I gave it to T to read and he doesn't think I need to go off. The thing is, I deleted the paragraphs that all talk about how suicidal I am in his copy. My doctor is getting the original copy with all the details.

I just feel like something in my life is not working and change needs to happen. The longest I've been off before is three months. After I was hospitalized last year I only took eight weeks. I came back to work way too soon and now I'm paying for it.

I don't know how things are going to go if my doctor signs me off and I have to explain to T. I might just tell him I wanted a second opinion (which I'm entitled to) and this is what my doctor felt would be best, and then hope for the best with him. I feel like nothing I do is right anyway so I may as well do what I think I need most.
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Old 03-17-2019, 04:47 AM #2
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Default Re: Going to see doc this week

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Old 03-17-2019, 05:26 AM #3
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Default Re: Going to see doc this week

You need to find another T. If my T fired me for talking about suicide or being suicidal I would never have a T. I see him twice a week. I see you are in Canada so I not know how much of a chose you have to for getting a different therapist. Not having work to go to would make me feel worse as work for me is a distraction from my thoughts, gives me purpose and freedom as I have an income.
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Old 03-17-2019, 05:52 AM #4
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Default Re: Going to see doc this week

Since I'm not covered by any insurance I am free to see anyone I want for therapy. The thing is, I only work part time and can't afford someone who charges the standard rate of $200/hr. I know this T isn't the best fit in terms of being able to meet my needs, but it's all I can afford and despite him being harsh, I do really like him. If I don't see him, I will have no one.

I just feel so lost and confused.
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Old 03-17-2019, 06:12 AM #5
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Default Re: Going to see doc this week

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Originally Posted by piggy momma View Post

I just feel like something in my life is not working and change needs to happen. The longest I've been off before is three months. After I was hospitalized last year I only took eight weeks. I came back to work way too soon and now I'm paying for it.
I think it's smart to follow your instinct that you need to make change to change your life. With your T and doctor, you can tell your T you wanted your doctor's opinion, doesn't have to be a "second" one. Sounds like the two of you conflict on a regular basis so this shouldn't be a surprise. I think doctors see people who need to be on disability more than private therapists do.

I hope it works out for you and you are able to get what you want from it.
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Old 03-17-2019, 06:18 AM #6
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Default Re: Going to see doc this week

Quote:
Originally Posted by piggy momma View Post
I have been asking my T for some time to increase my sessions, and he will not. He says I don't need it. He says that because he doesn't know everything, because if I talk about suicide too much he will let me go, so I don't talk about it.
I know you said you can't afford another therapist however I really think it's in your best interest to consider it. What kind of therapist refuses to talk about suicidal ideation's or feelings with their client? What kind of therapist would impede your need for taking time off of work?


Quote:
I finally made an appointment with my family doctor for this week. I am thinking of taking six months off work on disability leave, and then doing a graduated return to work over the following six months. I have been on leave four times before, so I do have mental health history with my insurer.

I wrote my insurance company a two page letter in response to their question "how does your disability prevent you from working?". I gave it to T to read and he doesn't think I need to go off. The thing is, I deleted the paragraphs that all talk about how suicidal I am in his copy. My doctor is getting the original copy with all the details.
He is making it harder for you to take care of your well-being and mental health. I don't understand it. I do not understand why he thinks he is the one who gets to decide how you handle your work and working?

Quote:
I just feel like something in my life is not working and change needs to happen. The longest I've been off before is three months. After I was hospitalized last year I only took eight weeks. I came back to work way too soon and now I'm paying for it.
I don't know how things are going to go if my doctor signs me off and I have to explain to T. I might just tell him I wanted a second opinion (which I'm entitled to) and this is what my doctor felt would be best, and then hope for the best with him. I feel like nothing I do is right anyway so I may as well do what I think I need most.
I hope you realize you should not have to worry about what your therapist thinks about this. It's really not his job to argue with the doctor. The doctor is the one with the ultimate authority I would think no? I think that your therapist has very unethical guidelines in the way he practices therapy or at least provides it to you .
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Old 03-17-2019, 06:44 AM #7
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Default Re: Going to see doc this week

Quote:
Originally Posted by piggy momma View Post
Since I'm not covered by any insurance I am free to see anyone I want for therapy. The thing is, I only work part time and can't afford someone who charges the standard rate of $200/hr. I know this T isn't the best fit in terms of being able to meet my needs, but it's all I can afford and despite him being harsh, I do really like him. If I don't see him, I will have no one.

I just feel so lost and confused.

I know in the United States, many T's have sliding scales that can be based on your income. So they may list their regular rate at, say, $200 but offer considerably lower rates if someone needs it. Could you check to see if any offer that? It just seems like you're not getting what you need from this T, plus he'll be away over the summer. Maybe even if you could only afford to see a different T, say, every other week, if you were free to talk about any topic, maybe that would help you more? Stay safe.
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Old 03-17-2019, 08:17 AM #8
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Default Re: Going to see doc this week

I agree with the posters above that it would probably be healthy for you to at least consider a different T, even if you have to get creative in terms of seeing someone at a low-cost clinic, looking for sliding scale, etc. (The Captain Awkward site has some ideas.) I think many of us who have had relationships with abusive people can tell you that it's very possible to like somebody and feel close to them without being able to fully see that they are doing hurtful things that are not in your best interest. I'm not saying your T is abusive, but I do think you should be able to talk to him and expect him to give you what you need (or help you get it yourself) without you constantly having to contort yourself to avoid rejection. I'm tempted to ask if that feeling is familiar, like if you have a parent you had to appease to get their attention or care? It's totally possible to love your T but also recognize that he isn't the right person to be treating you.
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Old 03-17-2019, 09:44 AM #9
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I can't believe your t is being this harsh on you. I hope you will find another t and hope your doctor can help you. Your mental health is so important. Hugs
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Old 03-17-2019, 11:55 AM #10
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I am not opposed to someone new. Iím conflicted tho. I go between looking for someone else and then saying that if things donít work out with him Iím never doing this again. So I have been looking....but itís hard. Iíll see what my doc says.

Today was an ok day at work and I left wondering if maybe I donít need time off. But my mood and reactions change on a dime so I just donít know anymore.

Iím finally working through the dbt workbook I bought a year ago. Maybe thatíll help.
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