Breathing exercises and being uncomfortable.

So, last session T asked me a question which I didn't really know how to answer but I felt pressure to answer which made me quite nervous and anxious. T noticed I wasn't breathing much and tried to get me to take some deep breaths. She asked me what I was feeling in my chest and stomach and she had her hands on her own chest and stomach when she asked me these questions. I don't know why but the whole thing was sooo uncomfortable and cringy to me. I felt especially uncomfortable when she asked what I was feeling in my stomach and she kind of "jiggled" her own stomach with her hand (I don't know how to explain it). I think it has a lot to do with how much I hate my own body (especially my stomach). T is tall and slender whereas I'm short and in my opinion chubby having gained 10kg over the past few years and I find my body so disgusting.

I don't know, I just really hated this last session and I'm wondering if this is even the right T for me. It was only the third session so I'm still unsure. Maybe I'm just comparing her to one of my previous T's who I was instantly attached to.

My T does this with me frequently to try and help me release the anxiety and get unstuck. Some times I can try but he usually says we need to keep working on it. Other times I panic more and start begging him to stop. That is when he reminds me that our emotions are trying to tell us something and he doesn’t want to make or pressure me to do anything I am not ready to. I am very self conscious about my body as well but mine is more because I am trying to disappear into the chair and not be seen. My fear also keeps my hyper focused on potential threats and so sometimes I am just not feeling safe enough.
Does your T know how you feel about your body? That may be something you need to talk with her about in session. If you are not ready to do that then could you let T know the breathing makes you uncomfortable?

Did you tell T that you found the exercise uncomfortable?

Rather than ditching her right away, this would be something worth exploring with her. As well as your body image etc.

It was helpful for me to talk about how I felt about body-uncomfortable things, and in fact all things about the therapy that were difficult. I used to feel uncomfortable about the standard T question, 'where in your body do you feel that?'

But once I learned to take deep breaths-- which was different than when I began meditating 20 some years ago, three in a row, which involve the vagus nerve as I read about, it was a game changer. So helpful, portable, and not dependent on anything but your willingness to take a few seconds and do it.

The Neurobiology of Grace Under Pressure | Psychology Today

I would really encourage you not to avoid the things that make you uncomfortable (unless it is something somebody is trying to do to you). Temporary putting on hold and working towards being more comfortable in your body may be helpful, but IME avoidance makes everything worse. Dealing with my issues empowered me and facilitated my sense of self as tough; avoiding things made me feel like a victim and a weakling.

I had this same discussion with EMDR T last week. Since the very beginning she has been trying to get me to tell her where in my body I feel things. She knows I hate the question because I don't know often I feel numb. Over time I am better able to tell her where and what I am feeling in my body.

The other part is that when I am disassociating or feeezwning she gets to get me to get up and move around and do breathing exercises. I REALLY struggle with this. We talked about it quite a bit in my last appointment. I explained to her that it is because I am uncomfortable with my body and the idea of focusing on it to do the exercises is very difficult for me.

I realized since the appointment and reading here that it is because of my weight. I was always heavy. After the birth of my three kids, 12 years ado, I was obese. I lost 90 pounds and was very low normal. I have since gained a bit back so I am mid normal. Regardless of my weight I still feel overweight. T is very physically fit....although I dont think she judges my weight I do.

I always find those questions difficult to answer. But I try to answer them. I'd bring up the uncomfortableness with your T though. Maybe there is another way to explore it that wouldn't be so uncomfortable. HUGS Kit

These things can seem intrusive.

Wasn't your last T standoff-ish, more of the blank slate psychoanalytic type?

Thank you everyone for your replies!

I had my session with T today and I told her how I felt uncomfortable about the breathing exercises and stuff and it lead to a productive discussion and T appreciated the feedback.

In response to octoberful, yes, my last T was kind of a blank slate psychoanlytic T. This current T also uses pyschoanalytic techniques but also focuses on emotions which we talked about today. I think it will take some getting used to her style but I think it will be good for me.