Chair

scapegoat0001 · Mar 20, 2019 at 04:14 PM

My T moved his chair. I couldn’t look at him.

precaryous · Mar 20, 2019 at 04:35 PM

Hi,
You couldn’t look at him because of where he placed his chair?
Why did he move his chair?

I don’t mind T’s rearranging their office, in general, but I don’t particularly like change in our seating arrangements.

Mar 20, 2019 at 04:42 PM

My t (I guess I should start calling her ex-t) had a new table in front of the couch last time I was there. I don't like it. It's ok I guess as far as tables go but it just doesn't fit her office. It's glass and all cold and sterile feeling. Not warm and homey like the other stuff in there.

Mar 20, 2019 at 05:01 PM

Mine recently bought an ottoman and gave the go when I asked if I could put my feet on it. It feels so much more comfortable for me now because I'm sitting in the same type of manner I sit in my own living room.

She sits a little too far away for me to see her face clearly without my glasses on. I wish she'd move her chair about 2 ft closer, then I could take the glasses off.

Add a cold Corona in my hand, and it would be the perfect situation

Omers · Mar 20, 2019 at 05:59 PM

T sets the chairs out each session so they are always a little different. Normally changes in the office really bother me but knowing that both of our chairs move and everything else stays the same is really working for me. I also let T know that I was more comfortable with the chairs closer so from then on he has had them close. Originally he had them farther apart because he thought I would feel less threatened that way. Then when we do EMDR he moves his chair right up to mine with the arms of the chairs touching... that’s when I feel the safest and T has noticed.

scapegoat0001 · Mar 20, 2019 at 10:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by precaryous

Hi,
You couldn’t look at him because of where he placed his chair?
Why did he move his chair?

I don’t mind T’s rearranging their office, in general, but I don’t particularly like change in our seating arrangements.

Sorry, let me clarify, he moved his chair closer to the couch i sit on. Too close but for some reason i just couldn’t say anything to him about it, just sat there feeling uncomfortable.

precaryous · Mar 21, 2019 at 11:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scapegoat0001

Sorry, let me clarify, he moved his chair closer to the couch i sit on. Too close but for some reason i just couldn’t say anything to him about it, just sat there feeling uncomfortable.

I hope you’re able to let him know you’re uncomfortable with this change. Also hope he respects your boundary and moves his chair back.

Did he say why he moved his chair closer or did he do this without comment?

SlumberKitty · Mar 21, 2019 at 01:40 PM

I can see how that would be difficult. I always found the how close/how far apart dynamic difficult with my former T. With my current T, her office is tiny but it feels cozy, so it feels close enough while being far apart away.

nottrustin · Mar 21, 2019 at 01:49 PM

I am amazed that small changes can throw things off. EMDR T always sits on an exercise ball. One day when I walked in she asked of it was okay if she sat in a regular chair because the ball was bothering her that day. Of course I didnt care; I did notice things seem a bit off because she was higher up.

scapegoat0001 · Mar 22, 2019 at 03:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by precaryous

I hope you’re able to let him know you’re uncomfortable with this change. Also hope he respects your boundary and moves his chair back.

Did he say why he moved his chair closer or did he do this without comment?

i hope i get up the nerve to talk to him about it if it's in the same place next week. I dont know why he moved it, it didnt bother him but it made my anxiety skyrocket.

Anne2.0 · Mar 22, 2019 at 06:05 AM

I've had a similar issue in therapy. I will say that my T was delighted to be able to do something simple and practical to make me feel more comfortable. For a long time he'd ask at the start of every session, "Is my chair okay here?" So if any part of you thinks you will make him uncomfortable by saying something, I don't think so.

WishfulThinker66 · Mar 22, 2019 at 06:52 AM

The last session we had I found difficult to concentrate as something was completely different about her room. I kept wondering if it was the art but I concluded it wasn't that. Still, I was really bothered and my mind kept drifting back to the wall again and again. Finally I told her, in a humorous tone, "We can't continue until I know what is different about the room." We shared a good laugh. It turned out all that was different was a lamp because she had broken the one that originally sat there. We kind of dispensed with what we were talking about and began discussing instead how the building of an atmosphere in a space will lend it a general feeling. She said not everyone is comfortable in her room and she has several clients (mostly quite religious people who don't appreciate the earthy 'tone' of the room) she will use a different office to meet them in. She told me she was moving offices actually; that the painters were coming in before my next visit. She even asked if one of my paintings would be for sale. Nice.

continuosly blue · Mar 22, 2019 at 06:57 AM

My therapist is working for me. If he does something that makes me feel uncomfortable I definitely will tell him about it. I would also ask why the change ? If he thinks it will help somehow than I’ll give it a try. I can’t forget why I’m there and not let little things throw me off.

scapegoat0001 · Mar 22, 2019 at 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

I've had a similar issue in therapy. I will say that my T was delighted to be able to do something simple and practical to make me feel more comfortable. For a long time he'd ask at the start of every session, "Is my chair okay here?" So if any part of you thinks you will make him uncomfortable by saying something, I don't think so.

i wish my T would ask that. . .

Elio · Mar 22, 2019 at 08:12 PM

My T is moving offices. Actually has moved offices in the same building. She got all new furniture for the new office. She still has her lease of the old office. Because of the struggles we are currently going through and my struggles with moves, we are still meeting in her old space. I am the only one she meets there. A week ago Thursday I asked to look at the new office. I absolutely hate the layout and the furniture. I don't know what I'm going to do once we do move. I'm going to try to do part sessions in the new space starting next week. This is my idea not hers. I am not looking forward to it at all.

So yeah, these types of things can be have a big impact. I hope you are able to let your T know that the new location is too uncomfortable for you.

Anne2.0 · Mar 22, 2019 at 08:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scapegoat0001

i wish my T would ask that. . .

First I had to ask him to move back his chair, then he would ask me. You gotta say something first, I think.

scapegoat0001 · Mar 22, 2019 at 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

First I had to ask him to move back his chair, then he would ask me. You gotta say something first, I think.

Ok, ill try to say something next week. Thanks for your insights and help.

Anne2.0 · Mar 23, 2019 at 06:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scapegoat0001

Ok, ill try to say something next week. Thanks for your insights and help.

You can do it. You can practice saying something as simple as possible, like "I feel uncomfortable at the distance between us. Can you move your chair back?" or you can write it on a piece of paper and hand it over when you walk in.

Do you usually have trouble telling people how you feel and/or asking for something? It's a good opportunity to practice. Your T will probably love the fact that you're asking.

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scapegoat0001 Member Member Since Sep 2018 Location: California Posts: 31 5 109 hugs given	Mar 20, 2019 at 04:14 PM #1 My T moved his chair. I couldn’t look at him.
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precaryous Inner Space Traveler Member Since May 2014 Location: on the wing of an eagle Posts: 3,880 9 8,141 hugs given	Mar 20, 2019 at 04:35 PM #2 Hi, You couldn’t look at him because of where he placed his chair? Why did he move his chair? I don’t mind T’s rearranging their office, in general, but I don’t particularly like change in our seating arrangements.
	Reply With Quote

Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	Mar 20, 2019 at 04:42 PM #3 My t (I guess I should start calling her ex-t) had a new table in front of the couch last time I was there. I don't like it. It's ok I guess as far as tables go but it just doesn't fit her office. It's glass and all cold and sterile feeling. Not warm and homey like the other stuff in there.
	Reply With Quote

SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Mar 21, 2019 at 01:40 PM #8 I can see how that would be difficult. I always found the how close/how far apart dynamic difficult with my former T. With my current T, her office is tiny but it feels cozy, so it feels close enough while being far apart away. __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA
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nottrustin Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2014 Location: n/a Posts: 4,819 10 375 hugs given	Mar 21, 2019 at 01:49 PM #9 I am amazed that small changes can throw things off. EMDR T always sits on an exercise ball. One day when I walked in she asked of it was okay if she sat in a regular chair because the ball was bothering her that day. Of course I didnt care; I did notice things seem a bit off because she was higher up. __________________
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Anne2.0 Grand Magnate Member Since Aug 2012 Location: Anonymous Posts: 3,132 11 129 hugs given	Mar 22, 2019 at 06:05 AM #11 I've had a similar issue in therapy. I will say that my T was delighted to be able to do something simple and practical to make me feel more comfortable. For a long time he'd ask at the start of every session, "Is my chair okay here?" So if any part of you thinks you will make him uncomfortable by saying something, I don't think so.
	Reply With Quote