[DP_2017]

Hi all

I have a question for you. So baby T is fine and all. No issues really, other than his scheduling is terrible. I usually end up having 3 slots to pick from for the whole week and it's on any random day. Sometimes it's nearly 2 weeks. I also hate having to go through the front desk to deal with scheduling etc as he has no email or voicemail access.

So I decided a few weeks ago to email a few other T's. One of them I really liked his answers to my questions in my email. He seems willing to deal with my statements like "I'm not interested in any sort of bonding and wont tolerate any judgement of what I tell you about my T" --he REALLY impressed me because when I made the intake appointment 2 weeks ago he told me this past week he would be on vacation so I could see him April 3. He replied to 2 emails I had send on that trip.

I emailed because, unfortunately, I discovered even though he accept my insurance, he isn't in network on my specific plan. I wanted to let him know. He ended up calling and was told the same thing and has decided to apply because he wants to be open on all networks

Anyway... so he emailed me today saying it's about a 3 month process to get in network. He says he is more than willing to still meet me this Wed to see if we are a good fit or I can wait

Here's the kicker... his fee without insurance is 100$ a session. I don't know how I feel about 400$ a month if I go every week. He offered 60$ sessions the day of but you gotta call each day and hope there is an open slot.

So anyway... would you try him still this Wed? Or just wait? I'm really unsure what to do

I should also mention that baby T told me sometime this year he is moving locations. I wont be following him. So I will potentially need another T if there is a need for me to go back to therapy after this.

[Omers]

I would at least try it, then even if you have to wait for him to be in network you have an emergency back up but you have someone. If it does work a true, good T is worth their weight in gold. I can’t tell you what a different experience it is for me with a T that fits even though I wasn’t sure at first as opposed to T’s that never clicked even if I liked them.

[susannahsays]

Yeah, I'd give him a shot. But only calling for the $60 sessions. Or go this Wednesday for the full intake then see.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I'd personally be bothered to constantly call about whether I can see my T since I couldn't plan anything around it and have other stuff to do. If that kind of planning is okay with you and you can and want to spare 60 bucks each time you see him, I'd probably try it.

[DP_2017]

No the randomly calling for 60$ thing bugs me too. I'm anxious enough with baby t and not having the Same weekday. That's why I'm looking at it as 100 a session

The interesting thing about the other one is he has an online thing i sign up for and can see how open days for 3 months out and schedule online what i want

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by Omers

I would at least try it, then even if you have to wait for him to be in network you have an emergency back up but you have someone. If it does work a true, good T is worth their weight in gold. I can’t tell you what a different experience it is for me with a T that fits even though I wasn’t sure at first as opposed to T’s that never clicked even if I liked them.

The only thing is.. i don't want a click or bond or anything. That's why baby t has worked for me. I go, i chat, I'm detached and leave

I'd quit instantly if i felt any sort of closeness again. I'm done with that with people but yes you are right about at least know the option as a backup or i can eliminate him as an option too

He's very nice and that's great but scares the hell outta me. I'd probably eliminate him if he was super nice

[Lrad123]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

He's very nice and that's great but scares the hell outta me.

I don’t know why, but my gut reaction based on this sentence is that you should give him a try. Maybe it’s just my own thing, though, because from the beginning therapy has scared the hell out of me (avoidant here!) but I’ve decided to (mostly) show up anyway. You sound kind of interested and it can’t hurt to just meet him and have him for an option down the road when he’s in-network. Also, I think the fact that he’s been responsive is a good sign. Who knows what you’ll think when you actually meet him, but it can’t hurt to try. Curious what you end up doing.

[DP_2017]

Ya i just don't wanna be sucked into the therapeutic relationship and lose focus on why im there and having a life outside therapy. Typically i dont attach and im way more guarded now than before. I know what not to do and when to leave.

I don't see it happening again but it's like the kindness and the email stuff could throw me off. I need to remain guarded and distant this time so i can get done what i need to. No time for silly fantasy relationships

So yes he's nice and that's great but if i go and he's super friendly. I wont return. I need someone like baby t who i can remain detached with. I think I'm probably gonna end up waiting a few weeks or so. I don't see much point in 1 session and not affording much else for 3 months. Might as well stick with baby t right now as ****** as his schedule is for me

[Anne2.0]

I spend money on all kinds of things that do far less for me than therapy. And some things cost a lot less than therapy that help me more in different ways. Last year I only had insurance for about half the year. I paid out of pocket, both for myself and when my teen wanted to go, because it was a good use of my money. It's an investment in yourself and I think $100 to see if this might work for you is money well spent. I think attaching value to your well-being and spending your money on things that support that is a good thing. Doesn't mean it has to be therapy, but if therapy improves your well being then I would go for it.

[DP_2017]

Well I emailed him asking if he had anything today since I could get the cheaper rate, otherwise I will go tomorrow

I was 100% honest in my initial email about baby T and he's ok with it, so I told him if I think he could be a good fit, I will probably wait about a month to really get started regularly with him. I still have baby T in the meantime and likely who I'll stick with anyway. Once he moves I'll probably be done

HOWEVER.... I know at least for a while next year I will need therapy again. I've told baby T and he agrees, IF I am gonna make the choice to reach out to my T at the end of next year, I need to be mentally prepared for it. Meaning, I have to be ok with ALL possible outcomes. Right now, I know I'm not there. So there would be some time next year I would need to focus on that too

Anyway so I still see baby T on thurs this week. We are gonna actually talk about my self worth issues instead of t and since next week is my would be 2 yr with T. He has given me 2 sessions already for that, so I would skip that week anyway with this other T. No need for therapy 3x a week.

I will see what happens.

[Xynesthesia2]

Well, you are currently seeing a T who has terrible scheduling and now there is this potential new one who would come with another annoying scheduling issue (assuming you go with the $60 option). What could be the improvement in switching to this new T?

I definitely would not see a T if I had to call every day, just take unpredictable appointment times and adjust the rest of my schedule around that, I do not even allow work schedules/meetings to be that unpredictable. But if you are flexible that way, don't mind the preoccupation (I imagine calling daily or so would increase preoccupation?) and like this new T so far, maybe give him a chance.

Also, I probably missed many of your posts, DP, but what do you need/want therapy for now? What I recall was that you wanted to see a T for a few sessions to talk about your struggles around losing the old T and said you were not interested in longer term therapy. Has that changed? If so, perhaps waiting for a better option a few weeks may not be a bad idea and you could simply just continue with baby T or take the $60 option in the meantime.

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by Xynesthesia2

Well, you are currently seeing a T who has terrible scheduling and now there is this potential new one who would come with another annoying scheduling issue (assuming you go with the $60 option). What could be the improvement in switching to this new T?

I definitely would not see a T if I had to call every day, just take unpredictable appointment times and adjust the rest of my schedule around that, I do not even allow work schedules/meetings to be that unpredictable. But if you are flexible that way, don't mind the preoccupation (I imagine calling daily or so would increase preoccupation?) and like this new T so far, maybe give him a chance.

Also, I probably missed many of your posts, DP, but what do you need/want therapy for now? What I recall was that you wanted to see a T for a few sessions to talk about your struggles around losing the old T and said you were not interested in longer term therapy. Has that changed? If so, perhaps waiting for a better option a few weeks may not be a bad idea and you could simply just continue with baby T or take the $60 option in the meantime.

I agree, it's garbage which is why I would not do that option. I only asked today since it would be the first session and I've literally got nothing going on today.
However, yes, I need something more predictable for my jobs and my sanity. I like the portal thing he has, it allows ME to schedule online for any of his slots he lists.... and it goes until June right now. So that alone provides me comfort.

I am STILL struggling with T sadly... so that's still the big issue. I've only seen baby T 6 sessions, including the pointless intake, because I had surgery in Feb and was not able to go for weeks and I took a 2 week break in March. I have decided I need to work on my self worth, it is a massive issue in my life and with a non supportive/loving family, it gets worse every day. So no, I'm not interested in long term therapy (to me thats like 6 months to a year) but I'm open to ONGOING therapy, as long as I take months or so off here and there. I just want to get to a point where I am not sad and missing T every damn day and crying about him so much. I want to get to a point where I can see the value in myself that he supposedly saw. Like I said, I will probably stick with baby T but once he moves "soon" I wont be following him to that location. I'd quit or need a different T, even if its a T I only see here and there.

[toomanycats]

Call your insurance and check your out of network benefits. His fee may be $100, but then you file a form & insurance sends you a reimbursement check.

And, yes, I would definitely try him.

Edit to add: this is what I do. It's kind of a pain, but it's doable! My T doesn't take any insurance.

[Xynesthesia2]

I see. I missed the part that the scheduling would be online - that is pretty convenient! Just to find some silver lining: maybe it could even be an advantage regarding your grief that you could spontaneously check and see if he has an open appointment when you have a particularly difficult day/period, rather than having to wait for the upcoming weekly session? That kind of arrangement would have been nice for me, for example, when I was freshly sober and struggling with frequent and intense temptations to pick up the habit, or during the time when my father was declining toward the end of his life and I was very anxious because I never knew what news I would get and when. Those were priority issues for me back then, over work or anything, and it would have been helpful to talk to my T when I needed, not when a standing appointment came up. I do believe that working on self-esteem is probably better done on a regular, predictable way that can turn into a routine, including the ability to wait and remain relatively calm during challenges (that ability, by itself, can boost a sense of self worth, IMO).

As for "clicking" with a T, in my view that does not necessarily need to involve emotional bonding, I see it more as compatibility of personalities and approaches. For example, that you find the T's modality and style appealing or at least tolerable, and it can be helpful for what you want. I personally don't mind a certain level of bonding with a T and enjoy the connection without its becoming excessive/disruptive, but I can't work with someone I do not click reasonably well with - that is, I do not disagree with their methods and our communication styles are compatible. So there are nuances, I think.

[DP_2017]

I understand you in that sense about clicking. There was one dude I tried and never went back, he just bugged me so bad when I left, I felt icky. That was an instant no. The current guy is fine, however he annoys me, he has a "cocky" vibe sort of a like a jock in school BUT it has kept me detached from him so it's also helpful. He's been very accepting of the things I've shared about T and has given hard but helpful homework, so if he wasn't so ****** with openings and planning to leave soon, he would be fine to stick with, although I likely will until he leaves anyway. He is covered by my insurance.

As for the other aspect, yes I thought of that, I had that 2 week break on my own choice in March and it happened to be around my birthday which set me off in a depression again about T. I spent over a week with all that in my head because other than online, I don't talk about it to anyone but in therapy. However he had no emails or anything and I didn't want to bother him. I very much know how to self soothe and go long periods without therapy. I am 100% honest in saying, I ONLY went regularly with long term T because I loved being with him. I didn't care if I had to pay, I just wanted to be with him, period. So anyway yes you are right about it being a potentially "good" thing if need be. I know there will be at least one day coming up (and the possible one year mark) that will really hit me.

Part of my issue with needing the more regular thing (even if it is every other week or whatever) is that I'm keeping this 100% from my family and I work for them. I've had to come up with many excuses so far why I needed to leave work... and if it was something more predictable, It would be easier for that.

[DP_2017]

I just logged into my account for insurance and wow, baby T is now super cheap. I met my dedicutable already thanks to surgery and I was paying 75 a session for him, now I pay 10$.

I already told the other guy I'd still go (kinda feel I should anyway since I took over someone's potential slot) and all but I think I will stick with baby T. Maybe this other guy can be if I need another T down the road

[Merope]

I think that if you got a good vibe from him, you should give a try and at least see if you're a good match.

[susannahsays]

Well, the other guy will be cheap once he gets paneled with your insurance.

I think it is good you have decided to work on your self worth.

[DP_2017]

It's afternoon already and no response so I assume there's nothing today. Oh well. I can't cancel tomorrow now since i need 24 hrs notice but i think ill keep baby t for the fee alone right now