Couch 192: The Rainbow Cupcake Couch

Even on my computer using chrome it looked weird (no background colors, blocky) for a little bit then I refreshed it and the site returned to what I was used to.

It is just a software test, not a permanent change. Logging in and out should reset it.

Hugs NP.

I use Tapatalk on my phone, but it has its own set of issues haha

It's Beautiful!

Hi Couchies, I'm feeling yucky today. I really wanted to call out of work but it's payroll processing day, and also the owner of the company called me yesterday and said he needed some stuff. It took literally five minutes to do this morning but it would have taken someone else much longer because they don't normally do it. So I came to work like I'm supposed to. But I would much rather be curled up in bed at home. I'm not sure what to tell the PDOC tomorrow on whether or not upping the AP worked. In some ways I think it has but in other ways I still feel like crap. Then again I really don't want to start a second AD. So I'm stuck. I keep telling myself if I could SH I would feel better but I know that is incorrect. I'd feel better for a little bit and then I'd feel so much worse. I think perhaps I'm stable, I'm just not in a great space. On the other hand, it's hard to tell subjectively. When I feel crappy I think everything is crappy. If I had a good day, I would probably think I was doing alright. But how many good days do I have over bad days? That's the question I can't answer. HUGS. Kit

Hi Kit, sorry your having a yucky day. I read your post over in Dear T too. My T would suggest I journal about the feelings, where they came from and what they are trying to tell me. I wrote to a former T a week and a half/two weeks ago. She used to be really good about getting back to me but she hasn’t and it hurts and I’m scared. I worry about if something happened to her but then someone from the church or one of our mutual friends would tell me. So then I worry I said something wrong in the email. No matter what it sucks. I too am feeling lonely but I know it is because 1. I have surrounded myself with unavailable people and 2. I am too scared to risk feeling vulnerable to be able to feel connected to another person. Maybe it is a good thing you had to go into work and can be distracted for a bit. You are right in thinking SH will only last a short time and then the feelings are going to come back anyway. Hopefully that will allow you to continue to honor you promise for lent.

Thanks @Omers I keep telling myself "This too shall pass." And that helps a little. I'm not going to feel yucky forever, I'm not going to feel crappy forever, I'm going to feel better eventually, maybe sooner, maybe later. I totally want to honor my promise for Lent so thanks for encouraging me. I'm sorry your former T hasn't gotten back to you. Mine took 10 days to get back to me so maybe yours will soon. I have friends just most of them are far away and the one that is here isn't available much of the time. So I do feel lonely. Yes, you're right. Maybe its good I have work to distract me. I feel like I need a break. Maybe I will go to Disneyland on Sunday. Just go somewhere and get away for the day and not have to worry about stuff. Thanks for the encouragement Omers. HUGS Kit

So I asked my T if I could possibly see him before Thursday (most likely in place of Thursday's session--just want to discuss something sooner than later). He replied, saying "I was able to create a time of 12-1 Wednesday." I accepted it but feel a little weird about it. I hope he didn't have to move another client or change his plans to accommodate me. I mean, it's not an emergency, just preferring not to sit on this (I didn't say any of that in the text--he wants texts to be strictly scheduling requests/changes, no explanation). I kind of wish he'd just said "I have 12-1 available." But I guess it's not up to me to be concerned about, right? He wouldn't have offered it if he wasn't willing.

LT - Maybe it's more like, dont say i never do anything for you? He is giving you something you want, not because it is of no consequence to him, but because you asked him and he chooses to accommodate you because he can. Glass half full! Still, not an easy thing to accept. If somebody does something good for you, will you have to "pay"? He probably wants to wilily teach you that you wont.

LT--it's a good thing he was able to see you sooner. Don't get caught up on the wording. HUGS Kit

My attention span isn't great. Lol. Buuuut I do my best

Hm, this gives me good stuff to think about.

I'm thinking this morning about Esther waaaaaaaaiting for you to figure out that she wants some crunchies in her soft food. She's got you trained good!

Its hard for me to think about. While i was writing this, i saw my own t squirming around in his chair in a similar situation! Its like, WE want it to be free (like we were children?), but adult human interactions arent ever free, are they? Big Sigh!

She didn't have to wait long this morning. I put a little bit of crunchies in her soft food and she ate pretty good. I got a food scale so I can keep track of how much she is eating so when I take her back to the vet I can see if that is appropriate for the insulin dose. But for now, the vet just has to live with the fact that Esther wants a little dry food. I'd rather her eat than not. And this way she eats most of the wet food. Thanks for caring about my kitty cat. Kit

"wilily" is this from the Official Dictionary of Una?

I wondered that, too! I said the word "emotionals" in session yesterday, then was like, "What did I just say?"

Yes, eating some crunchies is better than going hungry or else when she gets her insulin she will crash. Mine crashed once and it was horrible. If you are able/willing you might want to talk to your vet about home testing. Then you can regulate it just like they do with humans. I know not everyone is able to and not every vet supports it but it can be helpful and, in the long run cheaper than doing a ton of curves at the vets office.

I'm not on meds for sleep but I find I need my antidepressants to get sleepy.