Couch 192: The Rainbow Cupcake Couch

LonesomeTonight · Mar 27, 2019 at 01:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jersey 4

Yes. So much of my weight is in my waist.

sounds like my body type. Apples unite!

LonesomeTonight · Mar 27, 2019 at 01:16 PM

How does one reconcile the therapeutic relationship and its intimacy along with its limitations (and, I guess, benefits)? Shouldn't I have figured this out in my past 8+ years of therapy?

CantExplain · Mar 27, 2019 at 01:21 PM

The way I see it, diet and exercise makes me HEALTHIER even if I don't lose any actual weight.

atisketatasket · Mar 27, 2019 at 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Thanks! As soon as i wrote the post, that question occurred to me. But i was too lazy to look it up. Also i think i was pulling in the spelling of beautician, which was part of my vocabulary before dietitian ever entered it.

I thought you were just putting down dietitians by calling them nutritionists.

atisketatasket · Mar 27, 2019 at 01:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantExplain

The way I see it, diet and exercise makes me HEALTHIER even if I don't lose any actual weight.

This, and roomier is good. Don’t focus on scale numbers, but on how your clothes fit.

Slow and steady wins the race, remember.

NP_Complete · Mar 27, 2019 at 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

How does one reconcile the therapeutic relationship and its intimacy along with its limitations (and, I guess, benefits)? Shouldn't I have figured this out in my past 8+ years of therapy?

I wish I knew. I've been wanting to talk to my therapist about this topic. I've told him that I have to do some mental tricks to allow myself to open up to him, but I haven't explained what they are. He's gently prodded me to tell him and wants me to write it down, which is what I've been attempting to do for the last week or so, but I've hit a wall and can't do it. I think there is some expectation that I will bring this writing to today's session. For me, I know what reality is, but I also have a fantasy version of the relationship that I keep in my head. I know I'm just a client, but in fantasy world, I'm special to him and he gets something out of the relationship as well. I hesitate to say the word love, but maybe in fantasy world, he loves me and would want to grab a beer with me. It feels like admitting any of this to him would be so humiliating. So I guess to answer your question, I don't reconcile it, I pretend limitations don't exist, but at the same time I know they do and respect them. It's confusing in my head sometimes.

WarmFuzzySocks · Mar 27, 2019 at 01:48 PM

((Jersey)) You’re making healthy choices. You’re taking care of your body.

Sizes vary so much across manufacturers/stores/brands. And it seems like they have been yo-yoing even within brands. It’s aggravating! It leaves people trying to measure progress by a temperamental fluctuating yardstick.

Echos Myron redux · Mar 27, 2019 at 01:49 PM

Today T said to me "you are among a handful of clients I've worked with through my career who has a special place in my consciousness". Forgot to write that in IST and wanted it recorded for posterity.

SlumberKitty · Mar 27, 2019 at 01:50 PM

That is lovely Echos Myron Redux.

WarmFuzzySocks · Mar 27, 2019 at 01:54 PM

My therapy appointment was rescheduled to tomorrow. I realized that my feeling when today was canceled was definitely relief.

I had a panic attack 15 minutes after leaving my last session. I thought today: Well sh**, I definitely need to talk about how I thought I was doing so well and then...clearly not. But I am okay with that.

But...clearly not, because then I thought about how feeling like I was doing better was like a Venn diagram overlap between trauma and not-so-adaptive coping skills and I started to cry out of the blue.

Ugh.

ScarletPimpernel · Mar 27, 2019 at 01:55 PM

I was able to talk to L again today. It was a nice 10 min phone call. I updated her on my situation. We talked a little about T leaving and how I feel. T was actually the one who suggested the phone call to help me reconnect with L. It did help. Still scared, but more comfortable after talking to her.

LonesomeTonight · Mar 27, 2019 at 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

I wish I knew. I've been wanting to talk to my therapist about this topic. I've told him that I have to do some mental tricks to allow myself to open up to him, but I haven't explained what they are. He's gently prodded me to tell him and wants me to write it down, which is what I've been attempting to do for the last week or so, but I've hit a wall and can't do it. I think there is some expectation that I will bring this writing to today's session. For me, I know what reality is, but I also have a fantasy version of the relationship that I keep in my head. I know I'm just a client, but in fantasy world, I'm special to him and he gets something out of the relationship as well. I hesitate to say the word love, but maybe in fantasy world, he loves me and would want to grab a beer with me. It feels like admitting any of this to him would be so humiliating. So I guess to answer your question, I don't reconcile it, I pretend limitations don't exist, but at the same time I know they do and respect them. It's confusing in my head sometimes.

I'm sorry you struggle with this, too. T said he knows I want to feel important to him. But I said I knew it had to be within confines of professional relationship. It is incredibly confusing because of the mix of incredible intimacy on our parts and limitations on the part of the T. I also want to believe my T loves me on some level. Like, certainly not the same as his wife or son, but something. And sometimes I think maybe I feel that from him? But I couldn't mention that. I'd also like to believe that ex-MC loved (loves?) me. Because it definitely felt like that at times.

ElectricManatee · Mar 27, 2019 at 02:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

I wish I knew. I've been wanting to talk to my therapist about this topic. I've told him that I have to do some mental tricks to allow myself to open up to him, but I haven't explained what they are. He's gently prodded me to tell him and wants me to write it down, which is what I've been attempting to do for the last week or so, but I've hit a wall and can't do it. I think there is some expectation that I will bring this writing to today's session. For me, I know what reality is, but I also have a fantasy version of the relationship that I keep in my head. I know I'm just a client, but in fantasy world, I'm special to him and he gets something out of the relationship as well. I hesitate to say the word love, but maybe in fantasy world, he loves me and would want to grab a beer with me. It feels like admitting any of this to him would be so humiliating. So I guess to answer your question, I don't reconcile it, I pretend limitations don't exist, but at the same time I know they do and respect them. It's confusing in my head sometimes.

I think this is so normal and relatable. I have similar feelings about my T, and she has shared enough for me to deeply feel that she does care about me and that I am special to her. There is something about engaging on that level that is really healing. If I can respect and accept the actual boundaries and limitations of our relationship (obviously she is my therapist and she will never adopt me, etc), then I can go pretty much anywhere with her. It has helped me figure out how to accept my own feelings sometimes, because she can accept that I can feel a certain way and want certain things from her, even if we both know she can't give them all to me. But once I can accept that it's okay to want acceptance or human connection or whatever, it becomes possible (though still insanely hard) to get it for myself from other people.

unaluna · Mar 27, 2019 at 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I thought you were just putting down dietitians by calling them nutritionists.

Do i LOOK like i know what either one of 'em is?!

:rolypoly:

SlumberKitty · 02:50 PM

Hallucinations suck.

Possible trigger:

I've been having hallucinations of blood.

It's bothering me.

LonesomeTonight · Mar 27, 2019 at 02:50 PM

Hugs, Kit. That sounds really scary! I'd let your T or p-doc know.

SlumberKitty · Mar 27, 2019 at 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Hugs, Kit. That sounds really scary! I'd let your T or p-doc know.

Thanks LT. I don't see my T until the 15th of April, but I happen to see my Pdoc tonight so I can bring it up then. He doesn't seem to put much stock in my visual hallucinations though. Only the auditory ones.

CantExplain · Mar 27, 2019 at 03:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

How does one reconcile the therapeutic relationship and its intimacy along with its limitations (and, I guess, benefits)? Shouldn't I have figured this out in my past 8+ years of therapy?

Some say that therapy works by forcing the patient to face the contradictions inherent in therapy.

CantExplain · Mar 27, 2019 at 03:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Some say that therapy works by forcing the patient to face the contradictions inherent in it.

Or maybe we just feel saner when we understand how insane therapy is.

CantExplain · Mar 27, 2019 at 03:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

Hallucinations suck.

Possible trigger:

I've been having hallucinations of blood.

It's bothering me.

Eek! That would bother me too.

I sometimes get an irrational feeling that an intruder is in the house. That's quite bad enough for me!

Menu

My Support Forums - Mental Health Support Groups

Get emotional support and friendship from others like you!

Couch 192: The Rainbow Cupcake Couch

My Support Forums

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,754 (SuperPoster!) 9 75k hugs given	Mar 27, 2019 at 01:16 PM #322 How does one reconcile the therapeutic relationship and its intimacy along with its limitations (and, I guess, benefits)? Shouldn't I have figured this out in my past 8+ years of therapy?

CantExplain Big Poppa Member Since Oct 2011 Location: New Zealand Posts: 19,616 (SuperPoster!) 12 19.7k hugs given	Mar 27, 2019 at 01:21 PM #323 The way I see it, diet and exercise makes me HEALTHIER even if I don't lose any actual weight. __________________ Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc. Add that to your tattoo, Baby!

Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,160 6 1,833 hugs given	Mar 27, 2019 at 01:49 PM #328 Today T said to me "you are among a handful of clients I've worked with through my career who has a special place in my consciousness". Forgot to write that in IST and wanted it recorded for posterity.

SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Mar 27, 2019 at 01:50 PM #329 That is lovely Echos Myron Redux. __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA

ScarletPimpernel Wise Elder Member Since Nov 2013 Location: US Posts: 8,410 (SuperPoster!) 10 6,418 hugs given	Mar 27, 2019 at 01:55 PM #331 I was able to talk to L again today. It was a nice 10 min phone call. I updated her on my situation. We talked a little about T leaving and how I feel. T was actually the one who suggested the phone call to help me reconnect with L. It did help. Still scared, but more comfortable after talking to her. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica

SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Mar 27, 2019 at 02:47 PM #335 Hallucinations suck. Possible trigger: I've been having hallucinations of blood. It's bothering me. __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA Last edited by SlumberKitty; Mar 27, 2019 at 02:50 PM.. Reason: added trigger

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,754 (SuperPoster!) 9 75k hugs given	Mar 27, 2019 at 02:50 PM #336 Hugs, Kit. That sounds really scary! I'd let your T or p-doc know.