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Old 03-22-2019, 02:58 PM #1
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Default Love in therapy

Iím a bit curious about this:
I had to stop seeing the first T that I saw because I felt worse and worse as the time went by. My therapy with her triggered intense feelings of distress, I recognised the feelings as being from my early childhood. I saw her for 9 months. I was attached to her and it was hard to stop, but I dread to think what would have happened to me if I hadnít. The surprising thing is that I felt intense feelings of love for her. I then saw another T, and it was a similar story, I had to stop seeing her because I felt so bad, I also had feelings of love, not as intense as before. I then saw T3, my therapy with her was completely different, over time I felt secure with her, difficult feelings came up at times, but over time I felt close and safe with her. The surprising thing is that I didnít feel the same intense (and perhaps painful) love, maybe I still loved her, but it was different. I am now seeing T4, again I am starting to feel secure with her, and Iím feeling a great benefit in seeing her. Iím again not feeling that intense love, though Iím very attached to her. It seems like the intense love is somehow related to the triggering of the early childhood distress? Or some kind of regression that triggered early childhood or infant emotions? Iím interested to hear what others think of this.

Just to add, there are many threads on here that reflect on therapyís failings, I would prefer this to be a thread where people share their positive reflections.
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Old 03-22-2019, 03:31 PM #2
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Default Re: Love in therapy

I'm not sure I completely understand your question, but I *think* I know where you are coming from. With my former T who was actually T2, I was very attached and I have still very strong feelings of love for her (platonic, not romantic). I think she too tapped into some very young parts of me that didn't get something that was needed from Mom. Mom, btw, had an un-diagnosed MI at that time. I'm not sure if it was transference that I had toward T2 but there were definitely different feelings with that T than I have had with any of the others. It was a very good therapy experience and I wish it hadn't had to come to an end. But maybe it is better because I have had to grow in ways I wasn't growing with her. But I've never loved anyone else like I loved T2. She will forever be special in my heart, and she's the only T that I've discussed some things that happened when I was very little. So I think there may be a connection between that therapy love and early childhood distress, at least in my case. HUGS Kit
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Old 03-22-2019, 03:32 PM #3
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Default Re: Love in therapy

I think it is the triggering of childhood wounds. For me anyway. But it is seemingly inevitable for me. It didn't happen in the first 2 years with this T but then it went and happened in the end. I guess I feel this is part of the work for me. It's hard, but I've grown so much too.
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Old 03-22-2019, 03:40 PM #4
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Default Re: Love in therapy

I would agree with you that a form of the intense feelings of love and distress that might come from it (and the separation from your T) comes from infant and early childhood level of needs and attunement.

Do you feel like you've addressed whatever led to that type of attachment with your T1 and T2; therefore, possibly not having the needs that come from that space or have you "ran" from and "avoided" those topics? If you have addressed it, how were you able to address them without the activation of early childhood or infant emotional needs?

As for me, yep, I have dealt with this type of love. Yes it has been intense and distressing at times. It has also been beautiful and uplifting at other times. Right now it seems to be gone and I'm mourning the loss of it as I grapple with negative transference (lots of feelings of hate towards her) and frustrations with the real interactions/relationship. I mostly now feel like the disgruntled teen. Ah, the joys of therapy. FYI - I've been with my current T for a bit over 3 yrs now with increasing sessions pretty much annually so been going 3 x week for almost a year now.
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Old 03-22-2019, 04:05 PM #5
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Default Re: Love in therapy

I saw T1 for about 10 years. We had a very close relationship and crossed a lot of boundaries. I depended on her a lot. My mother had died a few years before leaving a huge whole in my life. T was only a few years younger than my mom so I said I didnt see her as a mom figure more like an aunt or friend. When T passed away suddenly I realized she did play a motherly role for me and it crushed me. It was like I lost my mom all over again. Thankfully I had started Emdr about 10 months before Ts passing. She helped me figure out and deal with the loss. Endr T is 5 years younger which is a lot different for me but we e arr making it work.
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Old 03-22-2019, 04:08 PM #6
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Default Re: Love in therapy

I had a very neglectful infancy-childhood but I donít think I have had the same kind of love for my Tís that you are describing although I have been very attached to some in healthy ways and in others very damaging ways. Current T is tapping into the onmet needs deep and hard. I adore him but I still would not say love the way I am hearing you use it. I know he sees part of his job is to be good enough parent AND for me to be able to care for my inner child and work through the feelings from those needs not being met. It is an uncomfortable process for me but I would not call it painful in any way.
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Old 03-22-2019, 06:40 PM #7
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Default Re: Love in therapy

I personally believe that having strong attachment feelings in therapy usually means itís working. Itís supposed to happen
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Old 03-22-2019, 09:52 PM #8
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Default Re: Love in therapy

Logically i think first thing to look at is therapy itself as a potential primary driver of the feelings, especially if there are repeating patterns.

The whole point of therapy is supposed to be its unique arrangement. But when the client responds in kind to the uniqueness or weirdness of it, the arrangement itself is immediately disregarded and everything is about childhood. It's a sleight of hand, but i dont think therapists are aware of it.

Also in my experience what matters more than identifying the origin of the feelings is what those feelings are doing to you. Seems people are conditioned to overlook extreme distress in therapy on the basis that it's part of some process.
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Old 03-23-2019, 04:51 AM #9
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Default Re: Love in therapy

Quote:
Originally Posted by SlumberKitty View Post
I'm not sure I completely understand your question, but I *think* I know where you are coming from. With my former T who was actually T2, I was very attached and I have still very strong feelings of love for her (platonic, not romantic). I think she too tapped into some very young parts of me that didn't get something that was needed from Mom. Mom, btw, had an un-diagnosed MI at that time. I'm not sure if it was transference that I had toward T2 but there were definitely different feelings with that T than I have had with any of the others. It was a very good therapy experience and I wish it hadn't had to come to an end. But maybe it is better because I have had to grow in ways I wasn't growing with her. But I've never loved anyone else like I loved T2. She will forever be special in my heart, and she's the only T that I've discussed some things that happened when I was very little. So I think there may be a connection between that therapy love and early childhood distress, at least in my case. HUGS Kit
Thanks for that. I think my question is: how come Iím not feeling those intense feelings for this T, yet I feel this great level of acceptance from her, and this kind of Ďallowingí me to be and do what I like in the session, and I feel like this is affecting my being in my daily life in a good way. How come I felt love for that woman who never seemed to understand a word I said, and who seemed to constantly impose her own way of looking at things on me. Itís nice to hear that you had a good therapy experience and felt strong feelings of love for her.
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Old 03-23-2019, 04:53 AM #10
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Default Re: Love in therapy

Quote:
Originally Posted by Echos Myron redux View Post
I think it is the triggering of childhood wounds. For me anyway. But it is seemingly inevitable for me. It didn't happen in the first 2 years with this T but then it went and happened in the end. I guess I feel this is part of the work for me. It's hard, but I've grown so much too.
Thanks, that makes sense that it is the triggering of childhood wounds that brings it out. My wounds have been a bit triggered with this T, but in a slower, more manageable way.
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