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SheHulk07
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Default Mar 29, 2019 at 01:48 AM
  #1
My T seems to like asking this question, especially when he says he can tell I'm having a hard time. But I never know how to respond to it, and just end up telling him I don't know. The only thing that pops into my head I know is out of the question because I know he has other clients after me, which is to be able to have another 20-30 minutes to talk. But I know that's why I see him 4x a week so that we have more time another day to keep talking. Yesterday he asked me what I needed and I said I don't know, and he told me he wasn't sure if he needed to repeat it but that I could call him later that day to talk. I didn't call because my anxiety over talking on the phone is ridiculous and I don't want to bother him outside of session. Plus I figured it could wait until tomorrow morning. How do you respond if your T ask that question?
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Default Mar 29, 2019 at 03:46 AM
  #2
Great post, SheHulk.

For me, it boils down to a reminder that she is still there. When I am in 'my vulnerable place' as she calls it, I cannot look at her...but I feel alone there. If there were some way I could look at her without it feeling forced/interrogation like...that would be ideal.

I have even considered rearranging the seating, but I feel like that would just compound things.

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Default Mar 29, 2019 at 04:26 AM
  #3
My T asks me this too on occasion. Usually, I just need his presence, and to know I can talk. That's it. Nothing deep or intrusive. I just need a safe space.
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Default Mar 29, 2019 at 05:51 AM
  #4
I don't think I've ever articulated an answer beyond "I don't know" but I have asked this question, "What CAN you do?" Like, list the options.
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Default Mar 29, 2019 at 06:05 AM
  #5
The horror of asking for something which she can't or won't give stops me from answering this question.
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Default Mar 29, 2019 at 06:22 AM
  #6
My T asked me this yesterday and to be honest, I’m not sure that my T has when I need. What I feel I need is a hug. Someone to tell me that everything will be okay, that my feelings are valid and that maybe I’ve been through a lot so it’s oiay for me to be feeling the way I am right now.

I need that from someone, but I don’t think that my T can provide all of that. So all I can ask from her is that she continues to push me towards being more open, to feeling my feels... Her presence is enough at the moment..
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Default Mar 29, 2019 at 06:50 AM
  #7
When my T asks this, I always try to at least think about what I need. Sometimes I just don't know. Sometimes I need reassurance or an answer to a question. Sometimes I need to know if I can call her during/after a stressful thing. Sometimes I need a note to put in my pocket or a temporary loan of something from her basket of little things she will give or loan to clients (transitional objects). Sometimes I ask what she can give me, although she usually dodges the question. It's still hard to ask though, even when I know she is willing to do certain things.
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Default Mar 29, 2019 at 06:52 AM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail View Post
Great post, SheHulk.

For me, it boils down to a reminder that she is still there. When I am in 'my vulnerable place' as she calls it, I cannot look at her...but I feel alone there. If there were some way I could look at her without it feeling forced/interrogation like...that would be ideal.

I have even considered rearranging the seating, but I feel like that would just compound things.
My T sometimes asks "can you look at me?" as a request. His tone is kind and extra gentle, like even more so than usual, and I know if I can't that he won't press the issue. It lets me feel like he wants to share that kind of intimacy, which helps me feel less alone even when I'm not actually able to look at him. Idk if you can think of anything she could say to help you feel more comfortable looking at her?

Oh and I sit on the floor curled up in a ball. The more vulnerable or ashamed I feel, the tighter the ball, and I can turn away and bury my face in my arms crossed on top of my knees to completely hide my face. It helps me feel more secure. Sitting in the chair feels too exposed and too formal and I'd have a harder time letting myself be vulnerable. Could a change in how you sit/posture help it feel less like an interrogation?
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Default Mar 29, 2019 at 06:53 AM
  #9
I said love the last time he asked.

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Default Mar 29, 2019 at 07:13 AM
  #10
My T has this question built into every session but he also helps with answers. When you walk in you have to pick up at least one feeling card about how you’ve felt between sessions. Then at the next set of cards he asks what you are needing. There are things like rest, connection, innovation, community... Sometimes he will ask about why you picked the card and we talk about it. Other times he takes note of the need and weaves it into the session. Like the week I picked rest. He didn’t ask about it but he kept the session even more gentle than usual, slowed the pace down and was e-tea present and attentive.

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Default Mar 29, 2019 at 07:21 AM
  #11
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Originally Posted by Anne2.0 View Post
I don't think I've ever articulated an answer beyond "I don't know" but I have asked this question, "What CAN you do?" Like, list the options.
I hate that question so much. I am very afraid of crossing boundaries so I always answer "I don't know." I love the idea of asking what T can do..... I am going to try this next time. Lol.
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Default Mar 29, 2019 at 08:03 AM
  #12
That's the question that happened when T knew nothing he was going to say was going to penetrate at that moment. Usually I was extremely depressed and suicidal at that juncture. My answer was usually something like "Help me get through this." And he was usually able to do that because what needed to happen was a phone call to my pdoc, perhaps a bit of time in the hospital until I was safe again. That question was his way, our way, of communicating that I needed more help than even he could give at that point. Those were sad times of really feeling beyond hope. Fortunately, we had found a way of communicating what needed to come next.
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Default Mar 29, 2019 at 08:41 AM
  #13
1. Explain what is supposed to happening here. What is the point of anything you say? How is it supposed to be helpful?
2. Barring that, just sit there quietly and don't say anything or do anything to make it worse

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Default Mar 29, 2019 at 11:18 AM
  #14
My T has never asked this. I think if he did I'd evade the question by saying "define 'need'"
I would mostly be worrying about asking for something that he'd say no to, as others have mentioned.
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Default Mar 29, 2019 at 12:57 PM
  #15
I stick to reassurance and/or encouragement. Sometimes, outside of session, I just need to know she's there. So I email her asking if she's still there. I also ask for advice sometimes.

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Default Mar 29, 2019 at 02:54 PM
  #16
My T asks a variation on that question - she will ask "what would be helpful today?"

I hate that question. I never know the answer and if I did I don't want to say and have it be something she can't/won't do.

I might try Anne's response next time.
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Default Mar 29, 2019 at 05:17 PM
  #17
My T has never asked this question, that I recall. She's not too big on giving me things I need. She wants to "support me in giving them to myself". Ugh.
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