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Old 03-23-2019, 09:31 PM   #1
Dnester
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Default What should I do?

So I have alters that are young there is one in particular having a hard time. He is having super motherly needs from my therapist. I cant seem to discuss this with her and I know she is going to ask about it next week because of something I said in an email. How do I tell her he wants to cut because he is hurting and needs attention from her. That is going to be majorly weird. What would you do?
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Old 03-23-2019, 11:54 PM   #2
amandalouise
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Default Re: What should I do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dnester View Post
So I have alters that are young there is one in particular having a hard time. He is having super motherly needs from my therapist. I cant seem to discuss this with her and I know she is going to ask about it next week because of something I said in an email. How do I tell her he wants to cut because he is hurting and needs attention from her. That is going to be majorly weird. What would you do?
ummm if I had alters who wanted to cut because they wanted my therapists attention my therapist would have said that it was time to stop working together.

why because that would mean my therapist wasnt doing their job right with me, making me too dependent on the therapist instead of learning how to take care of myself and my problems...

in other words a breach of ethics that mental health treatment providers have to work by...

maybe since you can talk with this alter and knows what this alter wants to do maybe you can help the alter to find better ways to get a therapists attention... like therapists love it when you work out problems and find creative solutions...

example when my alters wanted to hurt their self and me instead of doing that for attention we got more attention by telling my treatment provider how we felt and what we did about it... instead of cutting for attention we painted a nice picture for our therapists shelf.

this way instead of having to go to the hospital for being unsafe and not see our treatment provider, which is what our treatment provider would have had to do, we instead got a hug and huge thanks, for making the good decisions to not cut and for painting the picture.

maybe you and this alter can find a better way to get attention from your therapist.
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Old 03-24-2019, 12:45 AM   #3
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Default Re: What should I do?

My T reflects things like this back on to the system. What does this part need? How does cutting help him? Every behavior is an attempt to communicate or satisfy a need. My T would ask our system to reflect on what this alter wants and needs and call on our internal compassion to help him. It all comes back to us, not T. How can we find a way to help this alter.
Often when we have a young one with such a strong need an older compassionate one steps in to help. It wasn't always that way and it took time to develop. But the focus has always been away from T and on to our system to help. T is not there for 167 hours a week. We are.


It might help to reframe it to say What is it that he needs from YOU? That's not to say that you are able to give that right now. But awareness is the first step to developing more communication. Baby steps.
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Old 03-24-2019, 08:27 AM   #4
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Default Re: What should I do?

Amyjay's perspective seems right on to me. You've struggled with cutting in the past, and having this insight about the young one and maternal needs seems like a step forward to me.

My experience is different than yours in terms of how my internal world is structured, but I found that listening rather than ignoring my internal needs (I think communication is what Amyjay is emphasizing) went a long way towards soothing any younger part.
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