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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 09:47 PM
  #1
My T is VERY experienced with well over 30 years of being a T. He has a ton of specialized training and some awesome CEUs...
But more and more I am feeling like he has never worked with trauma with the breadth and depth of mine. Then I think I am just trying to be “special” by being the worst or some stupid ego trip. I don’t believe in comparing traumas, what is no big deal for me would break others instantly and the same the other way around. I know when I was a trainer in child welfare I used myself as an example a lot because it gave the case workers a perspective that didn’t challenge their knowledge/experience directly. Sometime I made it sound like it was several cases I had been privy to but other times I owned up that it was all me. Most were shocked no matter how experienced they were. So, is it possible T hasn’t run into this??? Or maybe he has run into all the little pieces but not this much in one person?
I know T does a lot of self care but I am starting to worry. I told him one story today and he was too shocked to even rub his head... I hate to tell him but there is another identical one in there only worse... or do I not tell him?
Feeling so confused, lost, broken.

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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 09:52 PM
  #2
Well I always hear people say "They've heard it all" but that simply isn't true. Everything is a first for them at some point.

I know baby T (while this isn't therapy topic really) was legit surprised/shocked when I said I hate popcorn. He kept saying "Huh" and that it was something he should make a note of because he had never heard that one before. I know my T was very unsure how to help me because of my phobias being things he wasn't too familiar with. He outright told me he didn't know how to help....

At any rate, yes it's possible... but who knows? The point is, if you feel you need to share, share. It doesn't matter if he is shocked or experienced or whatever. It matters that you need to get it out there. I am sure he has at least enough experience to figure out how to help you manage it.

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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 10:03 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by Omers View Post
My T is VERY experienced with well over 30 years of being a T. He has a ton of specialized training and some awesome CEUs...
But more and more I am feeling like he has never worked with trauma with the breadth and depth of mine. Then I think I am just trying to be “special” by being the worst or some stupid ego trip. I don’t believe in comparing traumas, what is no big deal for me would break others instantly and the same the other way around. I know when I was a trainer in child welfare I used myself as an example a lot because it gave the case workers a perspective that didn’t challenge their knowledge/experience directly. Sometime I made it sound like it was several cases I had been privy to but other times I owned up that it was all me. Most were shocked no matter how experienced they were. So, is it possible T hasn’t run into this??? Or maybe he has run into all the little pieces but not this much in one person?
I know T does a lot of self care but I am starting to worry. I told him one story today and he was too shocked to even rub his head... I hate to tell him but there is another identical one in there only worse... or do I not tell him?
Feeling so confused, lost, broken.

Hi Omers,

Thank you for sharing this.

Some really good insight in what you wrote. I think it makes sense that if your therapist has not run into a specific type of trauma, he may react the way he did. Perhaps it isn't so much that he hasn't heard similar things as much as he may be surprised to hear it from you. Is this something that you haven't touched on yet with your therapist?

Are you planning to talk to him about this? I recommend doing so.

I have found that being completely honest about these kinds of things in therapy (no matter how blunt it may seem) has usually brought out a positive exploration of the situation for both parties. On one hand, it would provide you an opportunity to express your concerns and hopefully in doing so he would be more inclined to share his. Perhaps he is uncomfortable talking about specific things? Or maybe he is not a good fit? Maybe he was shocked, maybe he wasn't prepared for it. It could be a bunch of different things...

I consider myself an empath and even though I have been through trauma in my life, I can freeze sometimes when someone shares their trauma story with me. I often feel like I should behave in a way that is more respectful to the survivor but I don't know what that is exactly; so I do nothing and just scratch my head. It recently happened to me when a fellow student admitted to me that he had been sexually abused as a child. The problem for me wasn't that he was divulging sensitive information to me (as it means he trusts me), the problem was that we didn't know each other well enough to go into that territory. (Boundaries) I even apologized the next time I seen him if I seemed insensitive. I just didn't know what to think and how to help him. I recommended that he go see a therapist at the University and he did.

Do you think this might be part of the problem?

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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 11:03 PM
  #4
I should clarify that T has an amaizing training background with extensive training in trauma. But today he just seemed totally floored by my response to an incident. Other times it is like you can see the computer in his head freeze up. I know I am dissociative and he is an empath so he feels it more than I do. But I just don’t know. It all just “is” to me. Yes, we can talk about it but I don’t understand his answers and he doesn’t seem to know how to clarify.

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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 11:06 PM
  #5
Quote:
Originally Posted by Omers View Post
I should clarify that T has an amaizing training background with extensive training in trauma. But today he just seemed totally floored by my response to an incident. Other times it is like you can see the computer in his head freeze up. I know I am dissociative and he is an empath so he feels it more than I do. But I just don’t know. It all just “is” to me. Yes, we can talk about it but I don’t understand his answers and he doesn’t seem to know how to clarify.
Considering what you shared, it makes sense that you feel the way you do. I would be concerned too. Perhaps you could write out your concerns in an email and send that to him, or better yet, have him read it in session so you can articulate exactly what you want to say beforehand.

Think this is something you could do?

I would recommend telling him about your concerns before divulging more trauma just in case his reaction makes things worse.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 11:10 PM
  #6
I will ask again. He knows I am starting to worry about him so we are going to have to work something out. I know it is not my job to take care of him AND I know T’s can be traumatized by hearing stories of trauma. Maybe we can work something out for mutual safety that will also let me know if this is more than he is experienced in.

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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 11:22 PM
  #7
You said he was floored by your response. That's different from being floored by your trauma, right?

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Default Apr 16, 2019 at 12:49 AM
  #8
I worry about similar things with my T. I don't know if she will be able to hear the harder stuff. She too is a trauma T and has worked extensively with trauma. She does EMDR so does a lot of both "simple" and "complex" trauma, but still she has sometimes seemed like she was struggling to cope with some of the things I have shared. I don't want to traumatize her either!
No ideas, sorry, just similar concerns. I think I should probably ask her about it (ummm, how?!)
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Default Apr 16, 2019 at 12:51 AM
  #9
Extreme trauma is more common than you think. I sometimes go through times where I think what was done to me was so on the fringe that I feel obligated to protect my psychologist and psychiatrist from the truth. After all, who would even want to hear the kinds of things I have to share. What I have learned is as I let out drips and drabs of history over time (with evidence to support my trauma experiences) both my psychiatrist and psychologist have grown into a very compassionate and skilled trauma treatment team. I recommend patience with your therapist and if you think he can grow into being the trauma therapist you need, give him time. My therapist wasn't even trauma trained when I met her. She literally went into trauma training for the purpose of helping me. We had a bond. I felt safe. For someone with Reactive Attachment Disorder and DID, that meant everything. Everything flowed from that. She passed on the training to my psychiatrist. I may not have been blessed with parents, but G-d sent me the single best treatment team to help repair a destroyed psyche and soul.
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Default Apr 16, 2019 at 01:11 AM
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Also, I just don't really tell the therapist stuff. Like I told her, nobody really wants/needs to hear about that stuff. I have no idea if what has happened to me is any worse than anything else she has heard, but it would be distressing if I broke her.

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Default Apr 16, 2019 at 10:06 AM
  #11
From my observation, the trauma itself may not be unique in itself. However what can be unique is the total picture of ones life and our responses. I have been diagnosed with Complex PTSD. Part of what makes it complex is not each individual piece but the whole picture and how some of the parties are involved in multiple ways. T once made my genogram it is complicated because people have multiple very different roles in my life.

T worked for almost 40 years in the field and had lots of education and experience with trauma but there were times she had to think and process how to help. Quite honestly I have come to realize (as I suspect she did) that I needed more than just regular talk therapy.

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Default Apr 16, 2019 at 02:27 PM
  #12
[QUOTE=Omers;6503753 But today he just seemed totally floored by my response to an incident. Other times it is like you can see the computer in his head freeze up. I know I am dissociative and he is an empath so he feels it more than I do. But I just don’t know. It all just “is” to me. Yes, we can talk about it but I don’t understand his answers and he doesn’t seem to know how to clarify.[/QUOTE]

I think it is highly likely that in your dissociated state, you are misinterpreting his reaction as something it might not be. Before you make broad conclusions that he is "totally floored" or he is frozen up, check in with him about what you think. When I've done this with my T, I've learned the difference between what I think and what it-- especially as this applies to other people,

I am quite sure your T would not want you to hold back because you think he can't handle what you've been through. Listening to others talk about trauma is so much easier than living through it and disclosing it.
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Default Apr 16, 2019 at 03:54 PM
  #13
I don’t think any individual thing bothers him just the totality and my response. I have no intention of not telling him I just think it needs to be at a safe pace for both of us. I know he does share how much it hurts him to hear it and how he doesn’t understand how people can do such things.

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