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Old 03-29-2019, 01:48 AM #1
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Default What do you need from me?

My T seems to like asking this question, especially when he says he can tell I'm having a hard time. But I never know how to respond to it, and just end up telling him I don't know. The only thing that pops into my head I know is out of the question because I know he has other clients after me, which is to be able to have another 20-30 minutes to talk. But I know that's why I see him 4x a week so that we have more time another day to keep talking. Yesterday he asked me what I needed and I said I don't know, and he told me he wasn't sure if he needed to repeat it but that I could call him later that day to talk. I didn't call because my anxiety over talking on the phone is ridiculous and I don't want to bother him outside of session. Plus I figured it could wait until tomorrow morning. How do you respond if your T ask that question?
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Old 03-29-2019, 03:46 AM #2
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Default Re: What do you need from me?

Great post, SheHulk.

For me, it boils down to a reminder that she is still there. When I am in 'my vulnerable place' as she calls it, I cannot look at her...but I feel alone there. If there were some way I could look at her without it feeling forced/interrogation like...that would be ideal.

I have even considered rearranging the seating, but I feel like that would just compound things.
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Old 03-29-2019, 04:26 AM #3
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Default Re: What do you need from me?

My T asks me this too on occasion. Usually, I just need his presence, and to know I can talk. That's it. Nothing deep or intrusive. I just need a safe space.
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Old 03-29-2019, 05:51 AM #4
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Default Re: What do you need from me?

I don't think I've ever articulated an answer beyond "I don't know" but I have asked this question, "What CAN you do?" Like, list the options.
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Old 03-29-2019, 06:05 AM #5
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Default Re: What do you need from me?

The horror of asking for something which she can't or won't give stops me from answering this question.
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Old 03-29-2019, 06:22 AM #6
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Default Re: What do you need from me?

My T asked me this yesterday and to be honest, Iím not sure that my T has when I need. What I feel I need is a hug. Someone to tell me that everything will be okay, that my feelings are valid and that maybe Iíve been through a lot so itís oiay for me to be feeling the way I am right now.

I need that from someone, but I donít think that my T can provide all of that. So all I can ask from her is that she continues to push me towards being more open, to feeling my feels... Her presence is enough at the moment..
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Old 03-29-2019, 06:50 AM #7
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Default Re: What do you need from me?

When my T asks this, I always try to at least think about what I need. Sometimes I just don't know. Sometimes I need reassurance or an answer to a question. Sometimes I need to know if I can call her during/after a stressful thing. Sometimes I need a note to put in my pocket or a temporary loan of something from her basket of little things she will give or loan to clients (transitional objects). Sometimes I ask what she can give me, although she usually dodges the question. It's still hard to ask though, even when I know she is willing to do certain things.
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Old 03-29-2019, 06:52 AM #8
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Default Re: What do you need from me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail View Post
Great post, SheHulk.

For me, it boils down to a reminder that she is still there. When I am in 'my vulnerable place' as she calls it, I cannot look at her...but I feel alone there. If there were some way I could look at her without it feeling forced/interrogation like...that would be ideal.

I have even considered rearranging the seating, but I feel like that would just compound things.
My T sometimes asks "can you look at me?" as a request. His tone is kind and extra gentle, like even more so than usual, and I know if I can't that he won't press the issue. It lets me feel like he wants to share that kind of intimacy, which helps me feel less alone even when I'm not actually able to look at him. Idk if you can think of anything she could say to help you feel more comfortable looking at her?

Oh and I sit on the floor curled up in a ball. The more vulnerable or ashamed I feel, the tighter the ball, and I can turn away and bury my face in my arms crossed on top of my knees to completely hide my face. It helps me feel more secure. Sitting in the chair feels too exposed and too formal and I'd have a harder time letting myself be vulnerable. Could a change in how you sit/posture help it feel less like an interrogation?
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Old 03-29-2019, 06:53 AM #9
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Default Re: What do you need from me?

I said love the last time he asked.
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Old 03-29-2019, 07:13 AM #10
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Default Re: What do you need from me?

My T has this question built into every session but he also helps with answers. When you walk in you have to pick up at least one feeling card about how youíve felt between sessions. Then at the next set of cards he asks what you are needing. There are things like rest, connection, innovation, community... Sometimes he will ask about why you picked the card and we talk about it. Other times he takes note of the need and weaves it into the session. Like the week I picked rest. He didnít ask about it but he kept the session even more gentle than usual, slowed the pace down and was e-tea present and attentive.
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