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Ashleypenwren
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#1
Hello, I've been a lurker here in the past, just coming out of the shadows for opinions..
How did your therapist respond when you told them you were getting attached? Especially if you aren't really showing signs? I'm not the kind of person who attaches to people in general. In therapy I haven't ever expressed anything close to attachment to my T. I've never contacted her out of session, had any issues with vacations, I didn't see her for 2 months last summer and it was no big deal. We are personable & friendly, I can joke around with her and I trust her as a professional with my dark stuff, but up until recently I didn't really care if she moved, quit her job, transferred me? Whatever. I wouldn't have cared and I'm pretty sure she knew that because she talks about my detachment to other things all the time Anyway, recently I've noticed a shift. I've started thinking about her outside of session. Before this, I had thoughts about what was coming up next, or thoughts about what she said, but not really about her. I never felt like I missed her between sessions. I never felt anything toward her. To be honest I didn't even recognize her face for the first few months - she would come into the waiting room and look right at me and I'd always pause and panic for a minute because I wasn't sure if she was my therapist or just looking at me. But now I do so . I don't know what this means. I'm pretty sure what triggered it was her going out of her way to get me an appointment a few weeks ago. I didn't express any need for it, I had just asked if she had other openings that week because I had a family thing, but she cared enough to think if I was asking then I probably wanted/needed it. And now I'm all attached and stuff I don't know if it's good or bad to be attached. It wasn't a goal of mine. Most likely I should tell her though? Just curious how other T's respond to this? Especially if it's kind of sudden and wasn't the goal for therapy (or my goal anyway). I want to know ahead of time what I'm walking into. |
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Grand Magnate
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#2
Hey
It's good to see someone who is like me, I don't attach to people really. I did with my long term therapist but It was hugely because our relationship more or less turned into a friendship. Anyway... when I started to "feel" it... I hid it from him, I just said that I liked that we had a bond... and he replied using the term "Strong attachment" and I felt so stupid. After that, he had told me a few times that I was his most strongly attached. He was fine with it. With the current one, 0 attachment and it's fantastic. He checks in with me each session to see how I'm doing it with because I told him I am quitting if it happens. I wont go through it again. That being said.... first, you sound like it's very much a secure attachment and that's great! The best kind. Therapists are used to this happening so it's ok to bring it up. Typically the only time it might freak some of them out is if it's sexual related. I'm not sure why anyone would want to have this as a goal in therapy. It is literal hell. Just do your best to keep things from escalating. Try not to make the relationship a huge part of your therapy. It gets to be very distracting from your other needs. I hope it goes well. __________________ Grief is the price you pay for love. |
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#3
my t recognized it right off the bat. he normalizes it for me. it's painful sometimes though....
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Ashleypenwren
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#4
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Ashleypenwren
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#5
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Omers
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Grand Magnate
DP_2017
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#6
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So doing things like keeping your no emails outside session etc will help that. That's all I meant, sorry to confuse you __________________ Grief is the price you pay for love. |
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Omers
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Ashleypenwren
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#7
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#8
The first one wanted attachment with me a whole lot more than I did with her. The second never mentioned it to me. Both claimed to be psychodynamic, so I imagine it was possibly the second woman was a more patient sort who, misguidedly, thought time would work to cause it. Neither explained the point of doing such a thing with a therapist and I never saw the point of doing it with a stranger.
__________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. Last edited by stopdog; Mar 31, 2019 at 08:12 PM.. |
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#9
I have had a couple that tried to force attachment and it ended badly. Current T seems to prefer a bond as it allows me to get more from the process but I also trust him to keep it safe, not manipulate it and say something if it gets too intense. But I trust him SO much. So far he has earned every bit of it.
__________________ There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night |
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#10
I had a similar experience but telling him didn’t really strike a reaction. We just analyzed and talked about it. A good therapist can handle their feelings and not make it about all about them
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#11
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__________________ Living things don’t all require/ light in the same degree. Louise Gluck |
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#12
I am curious what attachment to a therapist looks like to people. With mine I don't want to email them outside of session and happily go a week or two without seeing them. Having said this i do think about them a lot and have fantasies about being in there life, which I just put down to wanting someone to care about me and they are probably a key person who has shown me consistency in the way they approach me.
we misattune a little bit where we don't get where the other is coming from and I think we have different humour none of which helps, but I know that previous therapists who have come on too strong i have run a mile. I also find myself fearful of when I finally leave. I don't like the idea of buying her a present and preferably would ghost the situation because I don't know how to approach it. Its this that confirms to me I am the dismissive avoidant type. |
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GeekyOne
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#13
I didn’t really attach to any of the Ts I saw before my current one. I liked the routine but it mostly didn’t bother me if they were on vacation and I didn’t really think about them during the week.
I’ve been with my current T for I think 3.5 years. I didn’t really get too attached until maybe the last year. I made myself talk about it with her because I find it terrifying. She says it’s good and normal and means we can do deeper work... which may be true because I guess I also trust her more and have been able to talk about scary things I would never have told my previous Ts. At this point she says she’d be concerned if I didn’t feel a deeper connection/attachment. She’s an important part of my life. It still scares me. |
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#14
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GeekyOne
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