Therapist's response to attachment - Forums at Psych Central



advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-31-2019, 04:41 PM #1
Ashleypenwren Ashleypenwren is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: usa
Posts: 21
Ashleypenwren Ashleypenwren is offline
Junior Member
Ashleypenwren has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: usa
Posts: 21

Default Therapist's response to attachment

Hello, I've been a lurker here in the past, just coming out of the shadows for opinions..

How did your therapist respond when you told them you were getting attached? Especially if you aren't really showing signs?

I'm not the kind of person who attaches to people in general. In therapy I haven't ever expressed anything close to attachment to my T. I've never contacted her out of session, had any issues with vacations, I didn't see her for 2 months last summer and it was no big deal. We are personable & friendly, I can joke around with her and I trust her as a professional with my dark stuff, but up until recently I didn't really care if she moved, quit her job, transferred me? Whatever. I wouldn't have cared and I'm pretty sure she knew that because she talks about my detachment to other things all the time

Anyway, recently I've noticed a shift. I've started thinking about her outside of session. Before this, I had thoughts about what was coming up next, or thoughts about what she said, but not really about her. I never felt like I missed her between sessions. I never felt anything toward her. To be honest I didn't even recognize her face for the first few months - she would come into the waiting room and look right at me and I'd always pause and panic for a minute because I wasn't sure if she was my therapist or just looking at me.

But now I do so . I don't know what this means. I'm pretty sure what triggered it was her going out of her way to get me an appointment a few weeks ago. I didn't express any need for it, I had just asked if she had other openings that week because I had a family thing, but she cared enough to think if I was asking then I probably wanted/needed it. And now I'm all attached and stuff I don't know if it's good or bad to be attached. It wasn't a goal of mine. Most likely I should tell her though?

Just curious how other T's respond to this? Especially if it's kind of sudden and wasn't the goal for therapy (or my goal anyway). I want to know ahead of time what I'm walking into.
Ashleypenwren is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote

advertisement
Old 03-31-2019, 04:53 PM #2
DP_2017's Avatar
DP_2017 DP_2017 is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: A house
Posts: 4,306
DP_2017 DP_2017 is offline
Grand Magnate
DP_2017's Avatar
DP_2017 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: A house
Posts: 4,306 (SuperPoster!)

1 yr Member
662 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Therapist's response to attachment

Hey
It's good to see someone who is like me, I don't attach to people really. I did with my long term therapist but It was hugely because our relationship more or less turned into a friendship. Anyway... when I started to "feel" it... I hid it from him, I just said that I liked that we had a bond... and he replied using the term "Strong attachment" and I felt so stupid.
After that, he had told me a few times that I was his most strongly attached. He was fine with it.

With the current one, 0 attachment and it's fantastic. He checks in with me each session to see how I'm doing it with because I told him I am quitting if it happens. I wont go through it again.

That being said.... first, you sound like it's very much a secure attachment and that's great! The best kind. Therapists are used to this happening so it's ok to bring it up. Typically the only time it might freak some of them out is if it's sexual related.

I'm not sure why anyone would want to have this as a goal in therapy. It is literal hell. Just do your best to keep things from escalating. Try not to make the relationship a huge part of your therapy. It gets to be very distracting from your other needs. I hope it goes well.
__________________
Grief is the price you pay for love.
DP_2017 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-31-2019, 05:08 PM #3
junkDNA's Avatar
junkDNA junkDNA is offline
Comfy Sedation
 
Member Since: Sep 2012
Location: the woods
Posts: 18,414
junkDNA junkDNA is offline
Comfy Sedation
junkDNA's Avatar
junkDNA laugh all the way to hell
 
Member Since: Sep 2012
Location: the woods
Posts: 18,414 (SuperPoster!)

5 yr Member
7,798 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Therapist's response to attachment

my t recognized it right off the bat. he normalizes it for me. it's painful sometimes though....
__________________
junkDNA is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 03-31-2019, 05:53 PM #4
Ashleypenwren Ashleypenwren is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: usa
Posts: 21
Ashleypenwren Ashleypenwren is offline
Junior Member
Ashleypenwren has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: usa
Posts: 21

Default Re: Therapist's response to attachment

Quote:
Originally Posted by DP_2017 View Post
Hey
It's good to see someone who is like me, I don't attach to people really. I did with my long term therapist but It was hugely because our relationship more or less turned into a friendship. Anyway... when I started to "feel" it... I hid it from him, I just said that I liked that we had a bond... and he replied using the term "Strong attachment" and I felt so stupid.
After that, he had told me a few times that I was his most strongly attached. He was fine with it.

With the current one, 0 attachment and it's fantastic. He checks in with me each session to see how I'm doing it with because I told him I am quitting if it happens. I wont go through it again.

That being said.... first, you sound like it's very much a secure attachment and that's great! The best kind. Therapists are used to this happening so it's ok to bring it up. Typically the only time it might freak some of them out is if it's sexual related.

I'm not sure why anyone would want to have this as a goal in therapy. It is literal hell. Just do your best to keep things from escalating. Try not to make the relationship a huge part of your therapy. It gets to be very distracting from your other needs. I hope it goes well.
Escalating how? Just sexually or in other ways? I'm 99.99% sure it's not ever going to get sexual, but are there other ways it may escalate? I don't want it to be a distraction at all!
Ashleypenwren is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 03-31-2019, 05:55 PM #5
Ashleypenwren Ashleypenwren is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: usa
Posts: 21
Ashleypenwren Ashleypenwren is offline
Junior Member
Ashleypenwren has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: usa
Posts: 21

Default Re: Therapist's response to attachment

Quote:
Originally Posted by junkDNA View Post
my t recognized it right off the bat. he normalizes it for me. it's painful sometimes though....
It's not painful for me right now, but I don't want it to get that way. Not sure where the line between "this feels warm fuzzy good" and everything else is
Ashleypenwren is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-31-2019, 06:24 PM #6
DP_2017's Avatar
DP_2017 DP_2017 is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: A house
Posts: 4,306
DP_2017 DP_2017 is offline
Grand Magnate
DP_2017's Avatar
DP_2017 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: A house
Posts: 4,306 (SuperPoster!)

1 yr Member
662 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Therapist's response to attachment

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashleypenwren View Post
Escalating how? Just sexually or in other ways? I'm 99.99% sure it's not ever going to get sexual, but are there other ways it may escalate? I don't want it to be a distraction at all!
No, that's not what I meant at all. I mean in intensity. Sometimes, it can become overwhelming and you feel like it's just too much, it can become the focus of your therapy, rather than your other needs or issues.

So doing things like keeping your no emails outside session etc will help that. That's all I meant, sorry to confuse you
__________________
Grief is the price you pay for love.
DP_2017 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-31-2019, 06:29 PM #7
Ashleypenwren Ashleypenwren is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: usa
Posts: 21
Ashleypenwren Ashleypenwren is offline
Junior Member
Ashleypenwren has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: usa
Posts: 21

Default Re: Therapist's response to attachment

Quote:
Originally Posted by DP_2017 View Post
No, that's not what I meant at all. I mean in intensity. Sometimes, it can become overwhelming and you feel like it's just too much, it can become the focus of your therapy, rather than your other needs or issues.

So doing things like keeping your no emails outside session etc will help that. That's all I meant, sorry to confuse you
Oh gotcha. Yeah, the email thing never occurred to me until today actually - when I realized it's normal in clinical/healthcare settings to not have direct contact info for your T. I have access to a messaging system, I guess if there's an emergency but I wouldn't use it.
Ashleypenwren is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-31-2019, 07:46 PM #8
stopdog stopdog is offline
underdog is here
 
Member Since: Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 30,721
stopdog stopdog is offline
underdog is here
stopdog has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 30,721 (SuperPoster!)

5 yr Member
1 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Therapist's response to attachment

The first one wanted attachment with me a whole lot more than I did with her. The second never mentioned it to me. Both claimed to be psychodynamic, so I imagine it was possibly the second woman was a more patient sort who, misguidedly, thought time would work to cause it. Neither explained the point of doing such a thing with a therapist and I never saw the point of doing it with a stranger.
__________________
Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
Oscar Wilde

Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
"And psychology has once again proved itself the doofus of the sciences" Sheldon Cooper

Last edited by stopdog; 03-31-2019 at 08:12 PM.
stopdog is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-31-2019, 08:01 PM #9
Omers's Avatar
Omers Omers is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Nov 2010
Location: Crimson cattery
Posts: 2,191
Omers Omers is offline
Magnate
Omers's Avatar
Omers has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2010
Location: Crimson cattery
Posts: 2,191

8 yr Member
1,517 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Therapist's response to attachment

I have had a couple that tried to force attachment and it ended badly. Current T seems to prefer a bond as it allows me to get more from the process but I also trust him to keep it safe, not manipulate it and say something if it gets too intense. But I trust him SO much. So far he has earned every bit of it.
__________________
There’s been many a crooked path
that has landed me here
Tired, broken and wearing rags
Wild eyed with fear
-Blackmoores Night
Omers is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 03-31-2019, 09:19 PM #10
doyoutrustme's Avatar
doyoutrustme doyoutrustme is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,380
doyoutrustme doyoutrustme is offline
Poohbah
doyoutrustme's Avatar
doyoutrustme has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,380

5 yr Member
175 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Therapist's response to attachment

I had a similar experience but telling him didn’t really strike a reaction. We just analyzed and talked about it. A good therapist can handle their feelings and not make it about all about them
doyoutrustme is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:23 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

advertisement

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please read the full disclaimer.