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Salmon77
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Default Apr 03, 2019 at 11:49 AM
  #21
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Originally Posted by ElectricManatee View Post
Your T is like a gigantic red flag, waving a bunch of smaller red flags that are actually pinwheels made of tiny red flags.
so funny!

But seriously, piggymomma, I'm glad to hear that you've found someone to work with over the summer. I, too, am curious why you're so worried that you'll like the new person. Do you feel like it's being disloyal in some way? Or are you worried that if the new T works better for you, it's a threat to your attachment to your current T?
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Default Apr 03, 2019 at 03:35 PM
  #22
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Originally Posted by Anne2.0 View Post
This isn't something that would work for me and I'm not trying to be judgmental, but does it really work for you? If you're in such a financial hole that you can't go to regular therapy but you spend money on vacation and stuff that seems unnecessary, all while being frustrated that you are in a power-down position, is this really what is best for you? Seems like you have none of the benefits of curbing your spending that T's "authority" provides, yet all of the detriments of perceiving you are under someone else's thumb. You say you can't make your own decisions, yet you do, and it just seems like it's a kind of pretending that things are one way when they are really another, and that doesn't seem like it's a healthy way to live. If it's working for you, great, but I guess I don't see how it does, except it seems to keep you from making change that is more in line with how you are and want to live your life.
He did give me permission to spend $300 on a trip. He just didn't think I could pull off four days and three nights at an all inclusive including airfare for under $300. But I did. So I'm going. I'm still working within the parameters he set for me.
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Default Apr 03, 2019 at 03:40 PM
  #23
Permission? This is so odd.
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Default Apr 03, 2019 at 05:19 PM
  #24
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Permission? This is so odd.
OP appears to enjoy the input/interference from her therapist. In that sense, it is not odd at all. It probably feels like evidence that he cares about her, despite it being more about collusion with waifdom than being about care in any empowering sense.
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Default Apr 03, 2019 at 09:01 PM
  #25
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Originally Posted by comrademoomoo View Post
OP appears to enjoy the input/interference from her therapist. In that sense, it is not odd at all. It probably feels like evidence that he cares about her, despite it being more about collusion with waifdom than being about care in any empowering sense.
I do value his input. I have a history of making very poor decisions so if he can guide me in such a way that I can learn better decision making skills, I will take it.
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Default Apr 04, 2019 at 06:25 AM
  #26
I found someone else who specifically enjoys working with Borderlines, so I've requested an appt with her as well. She works on a sliding scale so she will be more affordable. I'm sure between the two of them, one of them will work for me.
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Default Apr 04, 2019 at 06:47 AM
  #27
Maybe instead of having T's make your decisions for you, you could ask them for skills on doing them yourself. I think you would benefit way more with learning to do it on your own and feel good about it. It's something I struggled with for most of my life because my mom always made my decisions for me. Learning to do them on my own, even if they felt wrong or ended up not going well, has made me feel better about myself and my abilities.

Hopefully one of the two you see is a good match for you

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Default Apr 04, 2019 at 06:53 AM
  #28
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Originally Posted by DP_2017 View Post
Maybe instead of having T's make your decisions for you, you could ask them for skills on doing them yourself. I think you would benefit way more with learning to do it on your own and feel good about it. It's something I struggled with for most of my life because my mom always made my decisions for me. Learning to do them on my own, even if they felt wrong or ended up not going well, has made me feel better about myself and my abilities.

Hopefully one of the two you see is a good match for you
I agree. I told current T that I have a list of changes that I want to make going forward in September. This is one of them. Thank you for being gentle in your verbiage.
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Default Apr 04, 2019 at 06:54 AM
  #29
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Originally Posted by piggy momma View Post
I found someone else who specifically enjoys working with Borderlines, so I've requested an appt with her as well. She works on a sliding scale so she will be more affordable. I'm sure between the two of them, one of them will work for me.
I think it's great you are open minded enough to try out a woman T, and I hope she's better than the other guy just because it's good to have more acceptable choices to choose from. Good luck with it.
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Default Apr 04, 2019 at 06:56 AM
  #30
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Originally Posted by Salmon77 View Post
so funny!

But seriously, piggymomma, I'm glad to hear that you've found someone to work with over the summer. I, too, am curious why you're so worried that you'll like the new person. Do you feel like it's being disloyal in some way? Or are you worried that if the new T works better for you, it's a threat to your attachment to your current T?
Yes - you nailed it all. Well, I don't feel like it's disloyal in the sense that I know I'm returning to current T in September, and he's the one insisting I see someone, but I AM worried I will like the new T better and it will create a massive dilemma for me. I really don't want to switch, so I don't want to be put in a position where I have to decide which is better. I know our current relationship is odd, and we have our share of "moments", but I really do like the guy, and he has helped me a lot.
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Default Apr 04, 2019 at 08:43 AM
  #31
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Originally Posted by piggy momma View Post
We don’t have a perfect relationship, but I have to trust that he has my best interests at heart.
This is an understatement. If he was your husband, everyone would call it what it is: an abusive relationship. This dude is on a massive power trip. Why this **** gets rationalized is beyond me.
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Default Apr 05, 2019 at 02:10 PM
  #32
I met with the new guy today. OMG. He’s AMAZING. I’m actually really excited now for the summer.
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Default Apr 05, 2019 at 02:19 PM
  #33
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Originally Posted by piggy momma View Post
I met with the new guy today. OMG. He’s AMAZING. I’m actually really excited now for the summer.
I'm glad it went so well Piggy Momma

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Default Apr 05, 2019 at 02:28 PM
  #34
That's awesome news.
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Default Apr 05, 2019 at 03:50 PM
  #35
He is everything my current T is not. I think I’m going to get soooo much out of working with him.
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Default Apr 05, 2019 at 03:58 PM
  #36
I am so glad you like your new t hope it works out for you. Hugs
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Default Apr 05, 2019 at 04:01 PM
  #37
Wow! I'm excited and happy for you, it sounds like the new guy is going to be a big help! Glad you were able to get in early and not have to deal with weeks of worry leading up to the first time meeting him!
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