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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jun 2018
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 3,355
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#41
You called it a game, not me. I'm just trying to figure out why you withheld information when doing so has left you in limbo. Seems like you're standing in your own way, and there has to be a reason for that.
__________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold |
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Magnate
Member Since Jul 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 2,741
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#42
I can not find in this thread where I said it was a game.
__________________ When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 2,788
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#43
Her point was that you seem to be testing your therapist. YOU replied back saying you don’t play games in therapy implying she was saying you play games. She never said that. Testing therapists the way you seem to be is not unusual, but you are the person who equated testing with game playing through your own reply.
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susannahsays
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Magnate
Member Since Jul 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 2,741
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#44
Quote:
Now yes shame comes into play but I resent you saying I play games or test. You and anyone else saying that are projecting what YOU do in therapy onto my situations. __________________ When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 2,788
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#45
I realize you don’t like hearing that other people are perceiving some testing of your therapist in the way you are waiting to see if he cares enough to instinctively know what is going on with you. We are not understanding your unwillingness to just be direct with him about this situation from the beginning. To not do so has just added more confusion to the situation for your therapy. That’s all we are saying. If you aren’t wanting any input from anyone as to how it is perceived through your posts, I understand that. Your response appears a bit reactive, so I will stop responding now.
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susannahsays
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2012
Location: Anonymous
Posts: 3,132
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#46
It strikes me that when one posts about a therapy situation that didn't turn out so well, and you've posted about other ones with this therapist, being distressed that he's not giving you what you want in therapy, I at least think you are open to hearing how you might be able to do things differently to perhaps make therapy work for you. Perhaps when you post you could let others know what you want, such as "I don't want to hear how I could do this differently" or "I only want validation that it's painful to not be heard by your therapist" or "I only want to hear that my therapist is doing it wrong with me". I think it would help me, not because I would be interested in saying such things, but because I don't want to frustrate you by being unhelpful. I think you should seriously consider how you engage your therapist with difficult things because it doesn't seem like your current approach is working, and you could stay stuck if that's what works for you, or you could be more open and let him into your heart and mind. Maybe that would work better.
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susannahsays
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 3,515
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#47
I think you described the situation well in your OP:
Quote:
Is there a middle ground somewhere? Or something that will serve like it? Does your adult self have any perspective to contribute to this situation? I don't think you can count on your T to provide it -- or, may he kind of tried? Quote:
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#48
Moxie -
I think understand where you are coming from, and would have felt similarly. How I’m reading this is that you had a moment with your therapist that felt connected, attuned and healing. It seems you attributed his motives for saying he’ll be there as being caring, genuine and reassuring - deeply connecting to your fears that he won’t be there for you, and seeing you. I too would feel pain around the optics that his motives had an underlying business purpose that had nothing to do with ‘me’. It seems to directly contradict having your needs and fears seen and attended to. I read a lot of pain in your posts about how dependent you are on your therapist. From someone who was in a similar position - I agree that it can feel horrific. Yet at the same point, no clear path out. I know there are multiple schools of thought around dependency, but for me it was not healthy and created more problems than it solved. I deeply resented being in a relationship in which another yielded so much power over my emotions. It felt extremely vulnerable and out of control. Particularly when I was triggered and went into a tail spin over things others wouldn’t see as a big deal. I don’t have much for advice but get what you are going through. It is an extremely difficult position to be in. Wishing you healing! |
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koru_kiwi
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Magnate
Member Since Jul 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 2,741
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#49
Quote:
__________________ When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
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