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winterblues17
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Default Apr 05, 2019 at 07:15 AM
  #1
I'm not sure why I'm posting really because I can't change the situation, but I just feel I need to get this out and I don't know where else to write it really.

It's been 3 months now since my T left me. We had been together 2yrs and with her i felt safe, content and cared about. Anyway quite out of the blue she gave me notice that she was Leaving me, we had 5/6 sessions after that, and everyone was hard and stressful. I felt abandoned and hurt, I still do!

Since she left, some good things have happen and also some bad, bit despite the good going on I just can't seem to get over the huge loss of not having T has had on me.
I miss her so much it's indescribable, I feel like Lora was left unsaid. I emailed twice in the 2mths, one directly after our last session, and an update a couple of weeks back, both were ignored!
Our original plan was to be able to email flr a bit while I adjusted to life without her, but she changed that to no further contact with 5mins left of final session, she said it was to prevent further hurt and goodbyes with her, but I really feel failed over the way she did it at last minute because I needed that gradual goodbye.
She denied it, but a few times over the 2 years she explained how she leaves the door open for clients to come back, so why not me? She is still practising, just in a different location, and I did say I could come see her there but still no.
I can't help think I did something wrong, but there was no big rupture before she gave my notice, and I'd always been open about being attached to her and she always accepted that.
So I just can't get my head around it still!

I have a new T since, and she's lovely, but I just can't get past the pain of this one rejecting me!
I been thinking of asking for my notes from her, to see if it holds any answers, or let me know what went wrong, but I just don't know anymore.

Anyway sorry for the long post, bit of a rant really!
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Default Apr 05, 2019 at 10:55 AM
  #2
HUGS Winterblues17. I'm sorry that happened to you. I would feel abandoned and hurt too if I had been in that situation. I understand about missing your T because of my own situation with former T. It's a painful sort of missing someone. I hope you can work through some of this with new T. HUGS to you, Kit

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Default Apr 05, 2019 at 12:21 PM
  #3
This is so incomprehensible, except that maybe she doesn't realize her own power to wound? For someone who presumably went into a field to help people, to turn around and bewilder you like this seem inexcusable. I wish T's could be held accountable when they do damage.

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Default Apr 05, 2019 at 03:03 PM
  #4
Maybe this is about her and not you even though she should explain it to you if it is her own countertransference so You would not feel like you are bad in some way.

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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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Default Apr 05, 2019 at 04:00 PM
  #5
How cold of her. I agree that it's like her and not you BUT she handled it horribly. Yes, I lost my T too and I'm grieving but it wasn't anything harmful that made me wonder what I had done wrong, it's just the loss of someone I really love. I could not imagine being in your shows, if T was still working elsewhere and wouldn't allow me to see him. That would just devastate me

I am not sure what to tell you but keep talking in therapy, maybe look into a grief group, find some good support in your life--online or otherwise and maybe start a gratitude journal. I'm doing that, I hope it helps.

Anyway, it's really messed up and I'm sorry. I feel bad reacting so drastically to my situation when I read of people who are worse off than me.

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Default Apr 05, 2019 at 05:26 PM
  #6
I understand so well. Im sorry its so hard. My therapist of seven hears dumped me one night with no warning and no further contact. I still have no idea what I did wrong. I just went in that night, and instead of a session she said she was done (with me.) She is still there kn her practice. She just didnt want me anymore.
What was worse was that she had promised several times that she would never do that to me, because I already had a lot of trauma over others doing that,

That took ten years to even start getting over.
Im sorry its so hard.
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Default Apr 05, 2019 at 07:13 PM
  #7
Wow, I am really sorry to hear about this. I am currently in the grieving process myself as my T left 7 Cups on Sunday and I’ve been depressed ever since. Though she did give me notice on February that she was going to leave 7 Cups because she had too much other work on her plate and couldn’t have time to reply to my messages as much as she used to. I already liked her professional page on Facebook and followed her on Instagram (though she doesn’t hVe any photos). I was planning on writing to her at some point updating her on what would be going on with me, but I am scared that she will ignore me!! 😖
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Default Apr 06, 2019 at 02:51 AM
  #8
Thank you to those that took the time to read and reply. It really helps me feel that other people do understand my situation and I'm not over-reacting

In our final few weeks together she did repeatedly tell me that the decision wasn't personal and that it didn't reflect anything I had said or done. It was travel and other circumstances personal to her.
The thing is it all seemed rather wishy washy, because when I said if travel was the case could I not come to her maybe biweekly or once a month, by she said no and I'd be better with another therapist and need the routine etc.

She said she cared about me but I don't see how someone can claim to care really and then walk away without ever speaking to someone again. They blame ethics and how it would be unethical to continue to email and things, but I honestly don't see the harm in a few catch up emails, and to be ignored is just the worst, to me that's damaging.

My new T has tried to reassure me that from what I've told her she did care about me and maybe is just trying to protect me from further hurt, but it's the lack of response that is what's hurting me the most.

I know I have to respect the boundaries given so I will have to deal alone with this but it's hard.

Would anyone request notes in my situation?! Or is this just a way of tryin to find answers that will never be there?
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Default Apr 06, 2019 at 03:32 AM
  #9
I'm sorry you were left like that. I would feel bad in your situation too. Unfortunately I doubt there would be anything that revealing in your notes. I would leave them and try to move on, with the help of your new T.
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Default Apr 06, 2019 at 03:39 AM
  #10
Thanks for response,' my T said the same thing really, she said I can request them And choice is mine but she doubts there will be anything of relevance and the answers I want. Sometimes I just try to forget it all and move forward, and be grateful to the good things I've accomplished since working with her, but others I'm just angry, hurt and need answers
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Default Apr 07, 2019 at 03:52 PM
  #11
I'm sorry you are going through this but glad that you are supported by this other T.

I would ask for my notes, as I think I would regret not at least trying this option. However, it is up to you whether to request your notes or not.
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Default Apr 08, 2019 at 03:44 PM
  #12
That is a really good idea, even if you don't read them or give them to new T to hold. I like the idea of you getting more equilibrium and holding her accountable for an answer.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rive. View Post
I'm sorry you are going through this but glad that you are supported by this other T.

I would ask for my notes, as I think I would regret not at least trying this option. However, it is up to you whether to request your notes or not.

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Default Apr 08, 2019 at 05:33 PM
  #13
Hugs im so sorry you are hurting so much it's not easy with what she did and you have to go through this grief no easy way hugs. My first t dumped me out of the blue one day at a family meeting it took forever to not cry everyday and i still miss her deeply. Hugs
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