I'm confused about what he wants from me

I'm confused and hurting myself with my obsessive thoughts. Every time I try to discuss my feelings, my therapist comes off as sweet and compassionate, but then I swear he makes a face, he rolls his eyes and I'm wondering if I'm crazy. I mentioned this to him and all he said was that everything so far of what i think he thinks of me is 100% wrong. Still I think i see these things and i think he's annoyed with my problems and thinks it's all small and insignificant.

It's become overbearing to the point where I told him I wanted to to see him once a week instead of twice a week, which is hard because i actually always look forward to seeing him. I was the one who originally requested seeing him twice a week when I was going through a hard time with something 5 months ago. He told me he wanted to finish what we were working on first and then we'd discuss it. We finished the edmr, but he didn't bring it up. I already told him I was in too deep with my attachment to him and I probably never will. Now finances are becoming a problem, I had no choice but to bring up seeing him once a week. He wants me to go on state healrh insurance so both of my appointments are covered. For my benefit, he says. It was the first thing he brought up, asking if I looked into it yet. Now I'm back to feeling like I can't handle seeing him twice a week. The deeper my feelings get, the more scared of losing him I become. I always feel like my problems are insignificant, he never said otherwise, but maybe he thinks I need to see him twice a week. I wish I was able to know what he was thinking without being blunt and direct. It's very difficult for me. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? What happened?

Welcome Pitterpatter,

I think what you are experiencing is very common.

I experience the same thing; even with the T I saw for 10 years. I have been seeing current Ts for almost 2 years and she also still needs to reassure. When in appointments I felt thei care and compassion. After the fact, though I would second guess what they said. I start trying to read their minds and their intentions For me, it is about trust. They know I struggle and are okay with me checking in whenever I need to. Can you mention when you are questioning what they meant?

Have you always felt he made faces and rolled his eyes? If so, maybe you could go see another therapist and test whether you experience the same thing with them. That could tell you if you are likely to be imagining it or not - but I don't think it will work unless you felt he was doing all that from the very beginning. Or, have you had any therapists in the past? If so, did you have this issue with them?

Hey guys, I'm sorry for the late reply. Thank you for responding.

I've had therapists in the past, the longest being 2 years, the rest not being more than 5 sessions. Thing is, I never had any sort of attachment to those therapists, only this one. I sincerely don't think it's him, I believe it's in my head. I have experienced this a lot in the past, which is mostly why I prefer to be alone and have acquaintances rather than friends. So it is really nothing new, it's just more overwhelming with him. Sometimes I think I see this during sessions, and I'm too nervous to bring it up. I fear I'll tire him out. And then there are other times I think too deeply about his expressions and what he said afterwards. I'm just not sure what's real and what's not.

It seems like relational challenges always hurt so much, create fear, and really ARE serious. I doubt he sees your problems as insignificant, bc the struggle with trust is such a very core one. I have developmental trauma, and I make mistakes of attribution my T calls them. Like once he complimented me on keeping good eye contact, and what I heard was today you made too much eye contact, so for a month I was afraid to look at him normally. Looking back, I can see 100 percent my T would NEVER throw out a critical statement like that, but I heard it superstitiously . I felt pressured by his eye contact, but I attributed that feeling to him. I hope you can stay with 2x a week. I don't think you will tire him out, though you might get a little tired working so hard.