Subtle red flags?

Is there anyone on here that was abused by their therapist, either emotionally, financially, sexually?

Were there subtle red flags in the beginning? How long did it take before you noticed a negative change in your therapist?

I'm a little nervous to talk much about my situation, but if there is anyone out there willing to give advice or share their experience, I would very much appreciate it.

There's several threads on it. Particularly in the romantic feelings area of the forum

I hope you can find someone on one of them to talk to

Emotionally. A few different ones over the years. Something about me makes people cross boundaries. Often it was with the best of intentions, but not enough self reflection.

Being told how special and different I am. When it's clear that they don't mean in the way that everyone is special and different. Getting special treatment.

When I feel like I shouldn't tell another professional about things they said/did because I feel like I need to protect/defend them and I know other professionals would find it questionable or inappropriate.

I would also like to know how soon it took to escalste to clear problems for people, like how far from the first potential flag to actual exploitation

Yes, emotionally by one and she did a lot of damage. I do not post in the forums about it but you can PM me if you need someone to talk to.

Hi ShouldHaveWalked,

Absolutely. There are many of us who have been harmed in therapy! And yes - red flags should always be subject to exploration and should never be ignored. However, be sure to write them down and take time to process them before coming to any sort of major conclusions. While our ability to discern red flags from facts comes with abuse history and gives us immense intuition - we aren't always right about them.

My red flags were pretty blatant and more like immediate abuse indicators. Had I listened to them earlier - I would have prevented a lot of abuse for myself. Unfortunately my attachment was too strong to sever ties with my therapist and she ended up terminating me before I got a chance; full retrauma. Then they wrote lies in my medical records, claiming I was faking BPD and tried to remove me from DBT because I was challenging their ineffective treatment. They wrote malicious content about me in health records. That was the absolute evidence of abuse. Long story short - they screwed up, were proven wrong, admitted their faults, gave me a BS apology, gained my trust long enough to alter those records and protect themselves against potential litigation and or complaints. When I realized this - they threatened me to stay silent. They wrote further lies in my charts to destroy my credibility and followed me into the private healthcare sector so they could bypass confidentiality laws and protect one another. I was stuck in trauma bonds with these criminals and psychopaths - that is why I didn't just up and leave. It was horrible.

In short - corruption. (Institutional Betrayal Trauma).

Listen to your gut. You are a creature and if you are sensitive - you are most likely attuned to your surroundings as a means of survival.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

My big red flag was when I started lying to people about where I was spending holidays, birthdays, and vacations. I didn't want to get my ex-therapist in trouble. In fairness, I didn't want to jeopardize the unique mother-child relationship she told me we had. So, I played a role in keeping the relationship going until the brutal end. I had a full blown psychotic episode and she dumped me in a psych hospital then cut contact. Bottom line, if you are lying about your therapeutic relationship, you are in too deep.

Therapists maltreated me in different ways: two outright bullies who tried to intimidate me from leaving, one a treacly mother figure whose fake omniscience and “interpretations” were performative and humanly impossible. These were not mere red flags. The antics were on full display.

Among resources:
TELL: Therapy Exploitation Link Line

A monster resource list a webmaster and I compiled.
Links and resources | Disequilibrium1's Blog

My blog is my signature line below.

I didn't encounter many outright bullies but I did encounter a number of pseudo-caring caretaking sorts who wanted to "help people". That is, see themselves as "helping people".

I was blind to the display, as well as red flags, because it was similar to my family of origin. Blinding myself in that environment had been important to my survival, I guess. As I "worked hard" and dissociated parts started coming online, I tried to discuss what I saw, in the therapists, with the therapists. It didn't work. They shamed and rejected me. Again. And I would be dumbfounded and confused and not know where to turn. And blame myself, again. And go back to therapy, with another therapist, and renewed determination. . .

How I got out of that loop is . . .luck, as best I can tell.

I just wanted to say MissBella, that I am amazed at your resource list! I will thoroughly browse your wordpress blog! It is a gem and a goldmine! Please don't stop advocating and spreading awareness.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

This is a tough question.

I had damaging therapy but don’t believe anything illegal or unethical took place.

I would pay close attention to how you feel before, during, and immediately after your sessions. If something feels amiss, I would consult with other therapists and see if there’s a noticeable difference in energy or your responses to what is going on in session.

Even if nothing is said or acted on, therapist sexual attraction to a client, anger, frustration, enmeshment, boredom and so on can be incredibly damaging to a client - particularly if it’s ongoing. Even more so when the words that are said don’t match what you could be picking up.

We all have ‘stuff’ that colors therapy relationships, so it can be hard to sort out what we bring in vs genuine issues with therapy. However, there are few if any posts on this board about problems with switching therapists too soon vs staying in unhealthy relationships too long. If there are more obvious problems, get out as fast as you can. Do not wait until things escalate.

Yes, there are many of us here who have been exploited by therapists.
I’m adding some links for you-

50 Warning Signs of Questionable Therapy and Counseling

Therapists Spill: Red Flags A Clinician Isn't Right For You

Is Your Therapist Re-Traumatizing You? | Psychology Today

I Need Help! - AdvocateWeb

https://www.leg.state.mn.us/docs/2007/other/070240.pdf

https://www.dca.ca.gov/publications/proftherapy.shtml

https://www.dca.ca.gov/publications/proftherapy.shtml

http://guybyeadon.com/my-story.html

Not so subtle red flags:

When I was younger and new to therapy, my psychiatrist kept getting more "touchy feely" with me. Then when I took what should have been a lethal overdose, he told my parents to just put me to bed. It's a miracle I woke up. He did the same thing when the ER called to tell him I was here with yet another near lethal od. He told the ER to send me home.

These are great resources!

It’s crazy - when I was knee deep in transference with my therapist, I read and ignored most of the red flags raised by the “Is your therapist re-traumatizing you” article and also numerous flags on the “50 Signs of Questionable Therapy” article.

It’s extremely hard to accept when this is going on, and so easy to make excuses for therapy missteps. My knee jerk reaction was “Yes! But....” whenever I would read this type of material. I was not in a place to accept that all was not right with my treatment, even seeing it spelled out and clear.

Such difficult territory to navigate but very important to know the signs.

I find this really topic really difficult to navigate. My therapist hits a solid number of the warning signs and one or two of the commonly described red flags. She is odd and her responses are uncommon. I also find the therapy encourages growth. It is painful and scary.

How do we know that our therapy experience is painful because the nature of our emotional work is painful, versus the pain of therapy being caused by the therapy itself being damaging or (re)traumatising?

Absolutely it’s difficult!

It took me nearly a decade to parse out.

I’ve heard that the deterioration or failure rate of therapy is roughly 10%. Therefore statistically for the majority of people, I think it’s the work that’s painful as opposed to something being wrong with the therapy.

For me, I knew I was being traumatized when my everyday life started falling apart because of sessions and the pain I felt regularly was too overwhelming to deal with. Therapy became my life, I was living session to session and it was tearing me apart. Due to how unhappy I became, I stopped trusting my therapist - frankly stopped liking her - and spent a significant number of sessions arguing with her. I knew I had an enormous problem when I started to piece together that I had to get out, but felt too dependent to do so.

I think if you’re growing and the rest of your life is slowly improving, you’re probably okay. I also think it’s normal to have periods where you’re not, but it shouldn’t go on for years and years. At which point it’s probably a good idea to get a second opinion.

I think too there are red flags regarding our own behaviour to our caregivers. Having differing expectations too will make our interpretation of what our care should be different than perhaps what it in reality is. Get your cards on the table and make sure you both are playing from the same rule book. Your expectations of service received ought to be the same as their expectations of the service they are rendering. As long as you are each playing from a different set of expectations, problems are going to arise - which you and they may incorrectly interpret. It goes both ways.

I never found those people to be willing to put their cards on the table. I never saw them as care givers nor was I seeking to hire a care giver. Care giving is the furthest thing away from a therapist that I can think of. The idea of one of those guys trying to care give at me is horrifying