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Default Apr 10, 2019 at 04:07 PM
  #1
Well, I went back to the one I saw last week, who was not that wonderful, but after that session, I emailed my complaints and he replied apologizing and saying he wants to support me the best he can and that if I chose to see him again, he would be more aware of his words

Today, I found out the weather is supposed to be garbage the next few days and I'm scheduled for baby T 2x (thur and Fri) but I wasn't sure how likely I'd be able to get to either one this week so I asked the other guy if he was open, he had something today which saved me money since he isn't covered in my insurance yet

anyway... I am struggling because of the would be 2 yrs of knowing T and some other crap going on in my life. Feeling really down and lonely. I knew I needed a session somehow. We briefly discussed the T thing and he basically just said to find ways to distract myself... I'm not sure he's very comfortable with the topic since he says it was unethical etc or maybe he doesn't know how to help much. So he was getting me to talk about other things (sneaky)

Turns out, he's actually pretty good with some things. He got me to talk about some childhood stuff I usually avoid and was saying how even if I have blocked out much of my childhood, due to my reactions to things and phobias, there is a part of my mind (Limbic system) that remembers feelings so I still have "trauma" from it. He asked if I'd done EMDR and was explaining it but he then told me he doesn't do it, he isn't trained (LOL no idea why he told me) but anyway, alot of the stuff we talked about, which I honestly didn't think I'd be willing to talk about, was helpful feeling and he seems like someone who could potentially help me with some of the issues I struggle with now because of the past, and some sexual stuff (he specializes in sexual issues) He's direct, which works well for me. Just sucks that he is so pricey without insurance and he may not be on my insurance for sometime

Baby T though, is REALLY helpful for the T grief. He's got me to share more things about our relationship than I ever thought I would in therapy. I'm very guarded with that topic. He has never judged T or anything and still keeps the hope alive for me with the future talk etc. He's also very helpful with CBT and mindfulness stuff.

They both have things that annoy me, I don't think I'd attach to either one but they both have strengths that could really help me. Sigh.... I've heard you are not supposed to have 2 at the same time. Although Baby T might me moving locations in a few months and T3 would be on my insurance around then, so who knows but at least it's nice to have him as a back up for now but he actually made me walk out with a feeling of some "Hope" for myself, as far as not feeling stuck with this massive self loathing. He really seems to get the whole attachment stuff too. Explained very well why I would be avoidant, where it comes from etc.

Just wanted to share, what a tough choice I have to make.

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Default Apr 10, 2019 at 06:28 PM
  #2
Interesting that you now speak positively and hopefully about this new T, after what you posted on the In Session thread a few days ago, saying that he understands you.
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Default Apr 10, 2019 at 06:33 PM
  #3
Maybe you could mainly use Baby T for now to work through the T grief, then if you're doing better with that/he moves offices, you could try seeing the other T to work on stuff from your past?
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Default Apr 10, 2019 at 06:51 PM
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Interesting that you now speak positively and hopefully about this new T, after what you posted on the In Session thread a few days ago, saying that he understands you.
I agree but I was willing to give him another shot after his kind email. I mean, I told him everything about how terrible he made me feel etc.

He's terrible with grief over T stuff, seems very uncomfortable but he might be ok with other stuff. I can't see him anyway for a few months but I will keep him in mind for the future

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Default Apr 10, 2019 at 08:48 PM
  #5
I've seen 2 T's at the same time, in two different instances. One was an EMDR-T, though we didn't actually do much EMDR. I saw her while I saw my regular T for about a year or so. The second one was seeing an art-T at the same time as my regular T.
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Default Apr 10, 2019 at 08:50 PM
  #6
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Originally Posted by DP_2017 View Post
Well, I went back to the one I saw last week, who was not that wonderful, but after that session, I emailed my complaints and he replied apologizing and saying he wants to support me the best he can and that if I chose to see him again, he would be more aware of his words

Today, I found out the weather is supposed to be garbage the next few days and I'm scheduled for baby T 2x (thur and Fri) but I wasn't sure how likely I'd be able to get to either one this week so I asked the other guy if he was open, he had something today which saved me money since he isn't covered in my insurance yet

anyway... I am struggling because of the would be 2 yrs of knowing T and some other crap going on in my life. Feeling really down and lonely. I knew I needed a session somehow. We briefly discussed the T thing and he basically just said to find ways to distract myself... I'm not sure he's very comfortable with the topic since he says it was unethical etc or maybe he doesn't know how to help much. So he was getting me to talk about other things (sneaky)

Turns out, he's actually pretty good with some things. He got me to talk about some childhood stuff I usually avoid and was saying how even if I have blocked out much of my childhood, due to my reactions to things and phobias, there is a part of my mind (Limbic system) that remembers feelings so I still have "trauma" from it. He asked if I'd done EMDR and was explaining it but he then told me he doesn't do it, he isn't trained (LOL no idea why he told me) but anyway, alot of the stuff we talked about, which I honestly didn't think I'd be willing to talk about, was helpful feeling and he seems like someone who could potentially help me with some of the issues I struggle with now because of the past, and some sexual stuff (he specializes in sexual issues) He's direct, which works well for me. Just sucks that he is so pricey without insurance and he may not be on my insurance for sometime

Baby T though, is REALLY helpful for the T grief. He's got me to share more things about our relationship than I ever thought I would in therapy. I'm very guarded with that topic. He has never judged T or anything and still keeps the hope alive for me with the future talk etc. He's also very helpful with CBT and mindfulness stuff.

They both have things that annoy me, I don't think I'd attach to either one but they both have strengths that could really help me. Sigh.... I've heard you are not supposed to have 2 at the same time. Although Baby T might me moving locations in a few months and T3 would be on my insurance around then, so who knows but at least it's nice to have him as a back up for now but he actually made me walk out with a feeling of some "Hope" for myself, as far as not feeling stuck with this massive self loathing. He really seems to get the whole attachment stuff too. Explained very well why I would be avoidant, where it comes from etc.

Just wanted to share, what a tough choice I have to make.

Hi DP_2017,

I just wanted to say I thoroughly enjoyed reading your post and I am happy you are finding some help in therapy.

I have also heard that having two therapists is often times not a good idea. When I was in DBT, my therapist had (at the peak of my severe attachment to her) said that we could no longer speak about what I wanted to speak about in session, because it was only increasing the attachment. I found this incredibly invalidating and felt unsupported, so I decided to go see a drop in therapist at a different location. My DBT therapist found out and said it isn't a good idea because different therapists can offer different opinions about the same issues, which could in turn create ambivalence and confusion for the client. Not to mention that both therapists have different information and not having a full history could impact treatment. It makes sense, not sure if this is something that resonates with you? Have you had this experience while seeing multiple therapists?

I am curious about the BOLD part in your quote above...

Is the subject matter something that your therapist seems to avoid altogether? Has he specifically said he doesn't want to go there, like set boundaries? Or is it something you've picked up on but isn't even vocalized? Do you think your therapist does not want to talk about the issues because he has a problem with the specific subject matter - like for instance, a negative counter-transference that you detect whenever you bring up the topic?

If this is the case, do you think that therapist is simply not a good fit for you?

Is this something you feel you resonate with?

I ask because I am experiencing something similar with my current therapist and it is driving me nuts. She will not talk about my trauma - and considering it is trauma that happened in therapy, it seems like an invalidation and a red flag. Her explanation is that because she cannot offer long-term therapy, it would be considered unethical to take on trauma clients because termination could leave me devastated. (I believe her).

I hope you have a good day,

Thanks,
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Default Apr 10, 2019 at 09:10 PM
  #7
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Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ View Post
Hi DP_2017,

I just wanted to say I thoroughly enjoyed reading your post and I am happy you are finding some help in therapy.

I have also heard that having two therapists is often times not a good idea. When I was in DBT, my therapist had (at the peak of my severe attachment to her) said that we could no longer speak about what I wanted to speak about in session, because it was only increasing the attachment. I found this incredibly invalidating and felt unsupported, so I decided to go see a drop in therapist at a different location. My DBT therapist found out and said it isn't a good idea because different therapists can offer different opinions about the same issues, which could in turn create ambivalence and confusion for the client. Not to mention that both therapists have different information and not having a full history could impact treatment. It makes sense, not sure if this is something that resonates with you? Have you had this experience while seeing multiple therapists?

I am curious about the BOLD part in your quote above...

Is the subject matter something that your therapist seems to avoid altogether? Has he specifically said he doesn't want to go there, like set boundaries? Or is it something you've picked up on but isn't even vocalized? Do you think your therapist does not want to talk about the issues because he has a problem with the specific subject matter - like for instance, a negative counter-transference that you detect whenever you bring up the topic?

If this is the case, do you think that therapist is simply not a good fit for you?

Is this something you feel you resonate with?

I ask because I am experiencing something similar with my current therapist and it is driving me nuts. She will not talk about my trauma - and considering it is trauma that happened in therapy, it seems like an invalidation and a red flag. Her explanation is that because she cannot offer long-term therapy, it would be considered unethical to take on trauma clients because termination could leave me devastated. (I believe her).

I hope you have a good day,

Thanks,
HD7970ghz
I've only seen him 2x. He is only a backup T. Not my regular T. He was very judgemental about it in session 1. It scared me and i shut down the topic. However when I emailed him and explained how he made me feel, he apologized and it was a very kind reply, so I figured I'd give him another shot today. He just basically told me to find ways to distract myself. I think he might just be unsure of how to support me without upsetting me because he doesn't know me well enough or we haven't talked about the issue much. I wont be able to see him again until June anyway when he is on my insurance so I wont be working on the grief issue with him any further. I personally, in your case, would maybe find a T who is ok with talking about it, I mean if I didn't have baby T (regular T) for the grief, I sure would not be keeping back up T has a regular T for grief, I'd have kept looking until I found a match I felt safe with

That being said, the thing is, I don't really think it matters to me much how they may say different things to the same issue. Kind of like on here. You can post a topic, get various types of replies and at the end of the day, it's your life, your choice, you decide what to do. I take therapy merely as suggestions. I think both have provided very different but helpful insights for me and I have no attachment to either so It helps.

T3 "back up T" that I saw today, will be GREAT for the issues I really need work on like the intimacy and social/relationship stuff and baby T (regular T) will be great for my grief. He has been so far.

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Default Apr 10, 2019 at 09:19 PM
  #8
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I've only seen him 2x. He is only a backup T. Not my regular T. He was very judgemental about it in session 1. It scared me and i shut down the topic. However when I emailed him and explained how he made me feel, he apologized and it was a very kind reply, so I figured I'd give him another shot today. He just basically told me to find ways to distract myself. I think he might just be unsure of how to support me without upsetting me because he doesn't know me well enough or we haven't talked about the issue much. I wont be able to see him again until June anyway when he is on my insurance so I wont be working on the grief issue with him any further. I personally, in your case, would maybe find a T who is ok with talking about it, I mean if I didn't have baby T (regular T) for the grief, I sure would not be keeping back up T has a regular T for grief, I'd have kept looking until I found a match I felt safe with

That being said, the thing is, I don't really think it matters to me much how they may say different things to the same issue. Kind of like on here. You can post a topic, get various types of replies and at the end of the day, it's your life, your choice, you decide what to do. I take therapy merely as suggestions. I think both have provided very different but helpful insights for me and I have no attachment to either so It helps.

T3 "back up T" that I saw today, will be GREAT for the issues I really need work on like the intimacy and social/relationship stuff and baby T (regular T) will be great for my grief. He has been so far.
You bring up a very important point with this thread,

I like what you said in bold, that is a great point. And lets face it - even our best therapists say things that we disagree on. I like when therapists say we can take what we agree with and leave the rest behind and they won't take offence. If you can manage differing opinions and manage it all on your own - all the power to you!

Are your therapists communicating with one another? Are they all aware that you are seeing more than one therapist? I wonder if it would be beneficial if they were able to consult with one another and help you in different ways - with a common understanding of your particular issues. Or do you prefer to have them all separate?

I forgot to mention, I have done an intensive day-treatment program that was 30 days, 5 days a week, where a therapist and psychiatrist were simultaneously assigned to my care. I would see the therapist 5 days a week and the psychiatrist 3 days a week. That was by far the most effective therapy I have ever had. The female therapist took on the role of maternal mother figure and the male psychiatrist took on the role of paternal father figure; both acting to re-parent me. In situations like these - I can absolutely seen the merit of having more than one therapist.

Thanks,
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Default Apr 10, 2019 at 09:58 PM
  #9
t3 knows about baby T. Baby T does not know about t3. I prefer to keep them separate. I don't like people discussing my issues without me and trying to come up with a plan. I like just being in the moment with someone, listening to their views on it and deciding how I feel after.

I can imagine intense therapy could be useful but it could also be draining. I think I'd hate it THAT much but who knows? I'm glad you found it helpful though

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Default Apr 10, 2019 at 10:16 PM
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t3 knows about baby T. Baby T does not know about t3. I prefer to keep them separate. I don't like people discussing my issues without me and trying to come up with a plan. I like just being in the moment with someone, listening to their views on it and deciding how I feel after.

I can imagine intense therapy could be useful but it could also be draining. I think I'd hate it THAT much but who knows? I'm glad you found it helpful though

I understand the need to keep them separate. I am happy you are finding it helpful.

I would love to see research on the efficacy of multi-therapist treatment modalities versus single. Especially for trauma survivors who have immense trust issues.

Interestingly enough, recently I asked my therapist if there were any therapy modalities catered for survivors of abuse in therapy; according to her there is not. I was thinking about the ideal therapy modality for this particular trauma - and one idea that popped into my head was the use of multiple therapists who are (at the start of treatment) allowed to consult about the client / get to know the history. As treatment goes on they do not consult with one another; instead, the primary therapist treats the client, meanwhile any trust issues that may ensue with the primary therapist will be treated by the secondary therapists as a means of strengthening and gently challenging any trust / transference issues that may arise. (This would avoid any potential negative counter-transference issues in the clients relationship with the primary therapist, which so commonly can re-traumatize / re-victimize). It would also protect clients from potential harm and create a greater sense of safety.

Do you think this would work?

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Default Apr 10, 2019 at 11:00 PM
  #11
If you're seeing both for two different things, I don't see the problem in having two T's. Maybe you could alternate every week?

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Default Apr 10, 2019 at 11:10 PM
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Granted, I have not been a victim of therapist abuse. However, might it not be scary for some people to have two therapists, in a sense, "conspiring" behind their back? Would it not also make it easier for therapists to abuse clients - because they would basically have an ally to help them get in good with the client again? I also imagine one therapist would be extremely likely to give the benefit of the doubt to the other, which would make it all the easier to gaslight the client.

To me, it sounds like a two on one recipe for disaster...

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Default Apr 10, 2019 at 11:23 PM
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Granted, I have not been a victim of therapist abuse. However, might it not be scary for some people to have two therapists, in a sense, "conspiring" behind their back? Would it not also make it easier for therapists to abuse clients - because they would basically have an ally to help them get in good with the client again? I also imagine one therapist would be extremely likely to give the benefit of the doubt to the other, which would make it all the easier to gaslight the client.

To me, it sounds like a two on one recipe for disaster...

Valid point.

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Default Apr 11, 2019 at 04:14 AM
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If you're seeing both for two different things, I don't see the problem in having two T's. Maybe you could alternate every week?
I couldn't see the one I saw when I posted this until June anyway because of insurance stuff, I can't afford him long term out of pocket. The other one is supposedly leaving around that time so it might work itself out anyway

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Default Apr 11, 2019 at 04:16 AM
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Granted, I have not been a victim of therapist abuse. However, might it not be scary for some people to have two therapists, in a sense, "conspiring" behind their back? Would it not also make it easier for therapists to abuse clients - because they would basically have an ally to help them get in good with the client again? I also imagine one therapist would be extremely likely to give the benefit of the doubt to the other, which would make it all the easier to gaslight the client.

To me, it sounds like a two on one recipe for disaster...
I wouldn't be concerned about that at all, I wouldn't be sharing info about them to each other.

I have no interest in forming any sort of relationship with either one so remaining detached would probably make it do-able but again, I can't even see the one guy regularly until June or so because of insurance, he is far too pricey out of pocket

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Default Apr 11, 2019 at 04:35 AM
  #16
I see two. One (equiv of your Baby T, I think) knows about the other. Other (longer term by a year) doesn’t. It works for me, b/c I am terrified of having too-intense of a t experience with Long Term T, and both help with diff things.
My money, my time, my stuff. Sometimes, I feel the need to confess to longer term T, but I don’t...
I wonder if the intensity you had with your last T...which I completely relate to (T before this ‘main’ T) makes the idea of not having just one..appealing? And maybe that is ok?
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Default Apr 11, 2019 at 07:01 AM
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I see two. One (equiv of your Baby T, I think) knows about the other. Other (longer term by a year) doesn’t. It works for me, b/c I am terrified of having too-intense of a t experience with Long Term T, and both help with diff things.
My money, my time, my stuff. Sometimes, I feel the need to confess to longer term T, but I don’t...
I wonder if the intensity you had with your last T...which I completely relate to (T before this ‘main’ T) makes the idea of not having just one..appealing? And maybe that is ok?
I'm fine with one but I'm not fine with any sort of bonding or relationship. I just want to remain detached. It just happens that they both have strengths the other doesn't

Interesting you have two and it works well for you. That's cool

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Default Apr 11, 2019 at 09:29 AM
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I wouldn't be concerned about that at all, I wouldn't be sharing info about them to each other.
I think that this is the better practice if you're going to see two of them, although I think it would be fine to talk about them if it moves you or would be helpful for you to do so. You don't need to disclose any information that would identify them and of course, if you don't sign a release of information, they can't break your confidentiality.

When I told my T that I had consulted with another T, and this was after about 6 years of therapy, he was absolutely fine with it, said it was unnecessary to share any information about it, and displayed no interest in knowing who it was or whether I ever saw "her" again. I suspect that the involvement of more than one T at any given time in therapy may be more common than is thought. I don't think it's a problem to see whoever you want whenever you want to see them, and however you want to communicate (or don't) about the other(s). Just do what is best for you.
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Default Apr 11, 2019 at 10:01 AM
  #19
When I was seeing 2 Ts it was admittedly a little complicated. They both knew from the very beginning I was seeing then both. They both talked in q couple of occasions. Seeing Emdr T every other week for strictly Emdr and regular T for everything else had its drawbacks. The trauma work inevitably made it's way in to regular T. The three of us were committed to making it work though so we did. Only in the last few weeks did Emdr T and I realize the three of us realize we were all on different pages. She thought I was in a different place emotionally. So the last 10 months have been about going back to the beginning.

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susannahsays
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PC PoohBah!
Default Apr 11, 2019 at 05:15 PM
  #20
Quote:
Originally Posted by DP_2017 View Post
I wouldn't be concerned about that at all, I wouldn't be sharing info about them to each other.

I have no interest in forming any sort of relationship with either one so remaining detached would probably make it do-able but again, I can't even see the one guy regularly until June or so because of insurance, he is far too pricey out of pocket
Sorry, DP, my response was a reply to something someone else had suggested specifically for people who had been victims of abuse in therapy. So it was completely o/t.

For you, I'd do whatever you want within your financial constraints.

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