Trying to be quiet in my session, and touch

I haven't posted about my sessions for a long time. My main problem now is anxiety, which is making me very miserable. I'm getting off of an antidepressant, Celexa, because it didn't help at all. I'm seeing a few therapists now so I see my "old' one every 2 weeks. I want to feel normal again but the shaky feeling inside doesn't go away except when I'm with a T, or sometimes at night. Life is difficult when I feel anxious most of the time, even with friends and family. Going out is hard but I try to cope. My sciatica is somewhat better but still there

That's the background. I am anxious in my sessions now. I usually ramble on about my pain and anxiety. T tries to get me to calm down and go inside. We always did that because I've always been somewhat anxious my whole life, but it hasn't been debilitating like it is now. So last session she was more direct in telling me to be quiet! I finally get it! T does somatic experiencing and it's hard for me. I finally see that my talking so much is not helpful, whereas listening to T is! She asked me what I feel inside, in my body, and she was so attuned to me! She noticed I was sad before I realized it.

When I opened my eyes, I immediately started fidgeting and wanted to talk a lot. T asked what I'm feeling. I replied that it's hard to stay still and try to have a conversation with her. She's the one who has brought up having conversations rather than me just rambling. It's hard to explain but I saw what she is doing with me!

T also let me put my hand on top of hers and take it away gradually. We finally have an understanding of how important the therapeutic touch is to me! I am so grateful for my T. She is not giving up on me and says I will get better. I have a lot of support and am trying to be positive. Please no additional suggestions as I have so many, and I get overwhelmed and more anxious. I just wanted to write about my session. Being quiet and letting T do the SE with me is definitely something I want more of even though it's difficult for me. I hope this makes sense.

It's nice to hear from you. I was wondering how thing are going for you.

Yes, that nervous talking thing. I get that. Sometimes when a person is anxious, they just sort of ramble about things without much direction or purpose. We can lose the ability to sit still and breathe and listen and truly communicate with the other person in the room. Sounds like your therapist is doing a good job in helping you become attuned to your own habit of nervous talking.

Keep up the good work.

I too hate quiet in sessions and am prone to rambling.
I am SO glad your T is using touch. I know it has made a world of difference for me that my current T sees touch as a need and is willing to meet that need when he can. I think the whole counseling system needs to re-think the use of therapeutic touch, even just holding a hand or letting your feet touch (T did that a while back as a subtle was to reassure me even though H was in the room. H knows T uses touch with me but T didn’t want to out my feelings and need for support).

I am so glad to hear from you.

Good luck with it

Thanks, Artley. Can you say what your former name was? I know you but I can't remember. T has always wanted me to stop rambling but I have the need to tell everything instead! I never realized it was a nervous habit but now it's worse so I understand. If T can help me control my anxiety I will be so grateful! I also see a CBT T and am doing something called DNRS on my own. It's retraining your brain! I don't think meds are the answer for me!

I'm glad you have touch in therapy too! I've been seeing my T for almost 1O years. We used to do IFS, internal family systems, and a "child part" wanted to hold T's hand. It was the best thing in therapy, so safe!! We didn't always do it, but it goes along with the somatic experiencing. T and I hug at the end of
each session too.

I've missed you, unaluna. I've missed posting here too! You guys have always been a great support to me, and I hope I've been supportive too. I haven't felt that my T has been helping me for a few months but I think that's changing so I'll try to post more. I've felt so hopeless and anxious, and tried posting in other forums, but this one is the best.

Thanks, stopdog. I appreciate your posting. I've missed you too. Sorry for the sentiment

Anxiety is indeed miserable and I'm sorry you're going through such an intense phase, but glad you have good support. I can definitely see how anxiety can drive the "rambling", or speeded-up communication in therapy or elsewhere. When I am anxious, I speed everything up, including being busy busy busy, which can have a positive side (productivity at work) but mostly just feeds my anxiety. When I slow down, it reduces my anxiety so I think your T's approach is a good one. For me, it also helps me to remember that anxiety isn't permanent, it has indeed come and gone many times throughout my life. I also think it is a grief reaction that for me, popped up after the more obvious grief of sadness and loss.

Thanks, Anne. It's hard because I feel this shaky physical sensation inside my body most of the time, as well as light headedness and other symptoms of anxiety. I always have had some anxiety but this is debilitating. I do think grief is involved too, as you suggest. I didn't grieve that much at first, but now that I have these health difficulties, I realize how much I miss my husband. I'm grieving now. I hope my anxiety isn't permanent. So far it hasn't come and gone so I am trying to accept it as my new reality, and be grateful for being healthy most of my life.