Trust

hopealwayz · Apr 15, 2019 at 05:01 AM

How long does it usually take to establish trust with the T?

I have trust issues and have a hard time trusting people but it didn’t take me long to notice that I had started trusting T. He actually doubted my trust at first because he thought that it would take longer. But I explained it to him and he said that he did believe the trust was there.

I’m curious as to how I was able to trust T so much earlier than in the past. Is that unusual for that to happen?

Omers · Apr 15, 2019 at 06:21 AM

Some T’s ain’t never trusted after 3-4 years. Current T started being trusted the first session, scared the crap out of me the second session but now has more trust from me than anyone in my life ever has.

DP_2017 · Apr 15, 2019 at 06:50 AM

There is no set answer here, everyone is different. It takes, as long as it takes

kaleidoscopeheart · Apr 15, 2019 at 08:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DP_2017

There is no set answer here, everyone is different. It takes, as long as it takes

Yup. This.

I have trust issues but for some reason I trusted my T almost instantly. Of course, that freaked me out and now 3 years later I still consistently look for reasons not to trust him. It's a fun game... not really.... but at least I know what's going on....

ArtleyWilkins · Apr 15, 2019 at 08:40 AM

That is different for each individual.

Personally, I tend to trust first yet stay open to altering my opinion if I see evidence to the contrary. I don't mind having to alter my feeling of trust for an individual. While I may be disappointed that the person doesn't live up to what I originally thought of them, I have peace that I gave them a fair shake and confidence that I don't defensively mistrust people by default.

hopealwayz · Apr 15, 2019 at 08:43 AM

I can totally relate to having trust issues but trusting T almost immediately and being surprised by it. I was thinking about that and was curious as to why that happened. Maybe I felt safe, heard, and understood from the beginning.

nottrustin · 10:04 AM

Trust is a process. Especially with T's I have come to realize that I trust in steps. It isnt that I all of a sudden wake up one day and completely trust them. In my first appointment with Emdr T I could tell she was caring and compassionate. I trusted that she would do her best and wanted to help me and would be gentle. I was able to open up. A few months in we started going deeper into my abuse story and she asked some questions. I stopped and told her we needed to back up and work on my trusting her more. she was great about it and we spent the next few appointments doing just that. There have been times where we have had to slow down and I have had to work on the next level of trust. A huge part of the trust for me us knowing that I can tell her when I need to slow down and and build more of the foundation. It is important for me to know that she doesnt take it personally nor get defensive. We have been working together for 21 months. Until working with her I though you either trusted somebody completely or you don't.

hopealwayz · Apr 15, 2019 at 10:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nottrustin

Trust is a process. Especially with T's I have come to realize that I trust in steps. It isnt that I all of a sudden wake up one day and completely trust them. In my first appointment with Emdr T I could tell she was wrong and compassionate. I trusted that she would do her best and wanted to help me and would be gentle. I was able to open up. A few months in we started going deeper into my abuse story and she asked some questions. I stopped and told her we needed to back up and work on my studying her more. Ebizh she was great about and we spent the next few appointmentssoing just that. There have been times where we have had to slow down and I have had to work on the next level of trust. A huge part of the trust for me us knowing that I can tell her when I need to slow down and and build more of the foundation. It is important for me to know that she doeant take it personally nor get defensive. We have been working together for 21 months. Until working with her I though you either trusted somebody completely or you don't.

That was an excellent explanation of trust. Your T sounds great and very empathetic and caring.

nottrustin · 10:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

That was an excellent explanation of trust. Your T sounds great and very empathetic and caring.

She is wonderful. I am fortunate that she came i to my life when she did and is so patient.

hopealwayz · Apr 15, 2019 at 10:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nottrustin

She is winderful. I am fortunate that she came i to my life when she did and is so patient.

That is wonderful. I am glad that you found her and are working with her.

Amyjay · Apr 15, 2019 at 01:25 PM

I don't trust people at all. I trust my therapist to do her job when I am with her, but I don't trust her with my self, if that makes sense.
I find that some people who trust very easily and quickly can also fall out of trust very easily and quickly. It seems the trust isn't very secure. Would you say this is true of you?

hopealwayz · Apr 15, 2019 at 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amyjay

I don't trust people at all. I trust my therapist to do her job when I am with her, but I don't trust her with my self, if that makes sense.
I find that some people who trust very easily and quickly can also fall out of trust very easily and quickly. It seems the trust isn't very secure. Would you say this is true of you?

I’m glad you mentioned that because I think that was my fear. I was worried that my trust wasn’t secure but my trust has remained with T. About 2 months ago, we had a tiny rupture but I still trusted him.

Maybe it’s because I was hurt by my last T and he was careful not to do the same thing ex-T did and I thanked him for being careful to protect my safe place. He is so much different than my ex-T and my ex-pdoc. After all of the pain that occurred with ex-T and ex-pdoc, my current T was like coming up for fresh air. He has helped me more than the other 2.

piggy momma · Apr 15, 2019 at 04:34 PM

I’ve known my T 16 years and have been working with him for two. I am still working on trusting him. The first year and a bit was brutal - there was almost no trust. I’ve really worked on trusting him since last fall and I’ve made some progress. It’s not 100% but it’s about 99%. I don’t really hold anything back from him anymore, although some things take me longer to express than others.

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Omers Grand Magnate Member Since Nov 2010 Location: Crimson cattery Posts: 3,512 13 3,133 hugs given	Apr 15, 2019 at 06:21 AM #2 Some T’s ain’t never trusted after 3-4 years. Current T started being trusted the first session, scared the crap out of me the second session but now has more trust from me than anyone in my life ever has. __________________ There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night
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DP_2017 Grand Magnate Member Since Aug 2017 Location: A house Posts: 4,412 6 665 hugs given	Apr 15, 2019 at 06:50 AM #3 There is no set answer here, everyone is different. It takes, as long as it takes __________________ Grief is the price you pay for love.
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hopealwayz Magnate Member Since Jan 2016 Location: In my mind Posts: 2,281 8 272 hugs given	Apr 15, 2019 at 08:43 AM #6 I can totally relate to having trust issues but trusting T almost immediately and being surprised by it. I was thinking about that and was curious as to why that happened. Maybe I felt safe, heard, and understood from the beginning.
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Amyjay Magnate Member Since Mar 2017 Location: Underground Posts: 2,439 7 692 hugs given	Apr 15, 2019 at 01:25 PM #11 I don't trust people at all. I trust my therapist to do her job when I am with her, but I don't trust her with my self, if that makes sense. I find that some people who trust very easily and quickly can also fall out of trust very easily and quickly. It seems the trust isn't very secure. Would you say this is true of you?
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