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Old 04-16-2019, 05:35 PM #31
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Default Re: Therapist Cancelled on Me

Quote:
Originally Posted by resurgam View Post
so because she has a family emergency you're going to lash out & hurt yourself? well that will teach her!
shame on her for having to deal with trauma in her own life in a safe way! I read her so often that we want the best for out "t's" except for when we don't.

so stop the self harm for a few more days. you can do that..for yourself, not for her because you didn't give it up for her, but really for lent, right? she didn't just give up on YOU..she had a family crisis..maybe an illness, death, etc. you don't know. and honestly it's none of your business...but she had to cancel..

what if she didn't, but had your session and wasn't there "mentally?" you would complain about it....probably she cancelled for more then you. therapists have lives..people get sick, cars break down, people get sick, family issues happen far away..just like for us. and they have to cancel. do you ever cancel appt's for things or are you always 100% spot on for everything??? give it thought
I'm not really concerned I'm going to SH before Lent is over. I have made a commitment, and I have a couple of people IRL to talk to about it, and I have PC that has been supporting me. I am very concerned I'm going to go back to it after Lent. T last session, last month, was pushing me to extend out the time and at the time I wasn't really ready to hear it, and then slowly I've been coming around to it, but without that encouragement or push from T then I'm not sure I'm going to be able to stick to it. I'll admit, I'm afraid. I'm afraid I'm going to fail and it's going to be an epic fail. Maybe I'm setting it up in my head, but I know myself and I've been here too many times to not think that it won't all come crashing down. I guess I wanted T to be there, not just for the SUI feelings, but to talk to about extending out the time, and she couldn't be, for probably a very good reason, but I still needed T yesterday. There's nothing wrong with needing someone. Sometimes they just can't show up for you, that's all. And that's the sucky part of life. And yesterday that sucked for me. I'm sure dealing with whatever was going on in T's life sucked for her. She probably would have preferred not to deal with it, but that's life too. We gotta take the good with the bad.



I do understand that T had an emergency and it was nice that she called me herself instead of having the office staff do it, although TBH, I didn't recognize her voice when she called, but I often don't when people call me on the phone due to my hearing loss. I'm feeling less abandoned about it today. I'm feeling less upset about it today. Yesterday I really wanted to be heard and people here on PC did a great job hearing me and I really appreciate everyone's responses and the care that was shown to me and the hugs and everything.



Of course I'm not always spot on, and I'm sure there are times I let people down and they have to deal with their emotions about it just as I have to deal with my emotions when someone lets me down. So I whined about it, and I asked to be heard. I did entertain SH for a little bit, not too long, but I didn't SH. Not yesterday. Not today. Not for all of Lent. What happens next, I don't know. Time will tell. Hopefully I can use this as a turning point, and be able to push forward without T's help. But if I fail after Lent, I don't want to beat myself up over it either. I have a lot to try to figure out this week, and I have a nice treat for myself the Monday after Easter as a sort of celebration for all the hard work of Lent. Maybe I can keep this going, maybe I can't. I just don't know yet. Part of me feels undone. And I gotta sort that. HUGS Kit
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Old 04-16-2019, 06:46 PM #32
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Default Re: Therapist Cancelled on Me

don't do it for anyone else buy YOU. no one else matters but you. period. everyone falters...but being strong isn't for them, it's for you. you can do it, you've done it so far. people make mistakes, that happens but so far you have done well and you can still finish strong. therapist aside. therapists don't have any magic...just well timed words to guide you....now that you have heard them play them back inside your head and use them.
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Old 04-16-2019, 11:53 PM #33
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Default Re: Therapist Cancelled on Me

I just wanted to pipe in and lend support to you Slumberkitty for doing such a great job tolerating these unexpected circumstances! I know how it feels! For me, attachment to a therapist is among the most difficult things I have ever experienced in my life.

In gentlest way possible, I send positive vibes along with hope that your perseverance through this challenging time will provide you with a foundation to ride out similar transgressions in the future!

Be gentle to yourself. Be your own therapist. And if you believe this has passed your point of no return - do what is best for you. With change comes loss, but a change may be exactly what you need and you definitely deserve a therapist who can be more attentive to your needs. (There is a fine line with what is therapeutic and what is counterproductive. Only you will know where this line is). Ideally you could communicate with your therapist one more time and explain the amount of pain this has caused - perhaps there is something they can do to make things better. If not, then there is nothing wrong with pursuing help elsewhere.

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Old 04-17-2019, 07:16 AM #34
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Default Re: Therapist Cancelled on Me

Quote:
Originally Posted by SlumberKitty View Post
There's nothing wrong with needing someone. Sometimes they just can't show up for you, that's all. And that's the sucky part of life. And yesterday that sucked for me. I'm sure dealing with whatever was going on in T's life sucked for her. She probably would have preferred not to deal with it, but that's life too. We gotta take the good with the bad.

. . .

I have a lot to try to figure out this week, and I have a nice treat for myself the Monday after Easter as a sort of celebration for all the hard work of Lent. Maybe I can keep this going, maybe I can't. I just don't know yet. Part of me feels undone. And I gotta sort that. HUGS Kit
I think the way you have been honest about what is true for you in this thread is really amazing. There is absolutely nothing wrong with needing someone or something that you can't have. I don't think it helps to pretend you need it any less or that it hurts any less than it does.

I just wanted to wish you good luck with the post-Easter figuring out. I'm glad you've planned a treat for yourself for working hard.
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Old 04-17-2019, 11:20 AM #35
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Default Re: Therapist Cancelled on Me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anne2.0 View Post
I think the way you have been honest about what is true for you in this thread is really amazing. There is absolutely nothing wrong with needing someone or something that you can't have. I don't think it helps to pretend you need it any less or that it hurts any less than it does.

I just wanted to wish you good luck with the post-Easter figuring out. I'm glad you've planned a treat for yourself for working hard.
Thank you Anne. That means a lot to me. HUGS Kit
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Old 04-17-2019, 11:21 AM #36
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Default Re: Therapist Cancelled on Me

(Cross posted from the couch) So far I am not figuring out what it is I need to figure out this week. I'm working on deciding if I should push out my time on not SH-ing after Lent. Part of me wants to not commit to more time because I feel unwell, and I feel undone, and losing that coping mechanism, well, it's just not going to be productive if I don't have something to replace SH (and so far I don't). On the other hand, part of me wants to extend the time out because I feel like if I SH, I'm not going to be able to do just a little bit, I'm going to end up back at the hospital for stitches, and that's just embarrassing and expensive. But whenever I go for what I consider to be a long time without, when I do it, I DO IT. And it's like a big mess. With Lent, I felt like I was making a promise to God and that made it feel like a concrete thing. If I just promise myself or my T, it doesn't hold the same weight for me. My parents are going to be gone a few times in the upcoming months and I know that if I am able to SH, I will do it when they are gone, so that way they won't necessarily know that I went to the hospital (I have my own insurance through my work so I'm not on theirs). So that's another reason to extend it out. I wish I could have talked this through with T on Monday, but since she had to cancel, I'm talking it through here and on the couch. I still haven't come to any sort of answer, or conclusion. I'm just trying to sort out my emotions and my logic and not run out of time before making a decision. HUGS Kit
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Old 04-17-2019, 03:03 PM #37
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Default Re: Therapist Cancelled on Me

(Cross posted from the couch) I'm thinking of extending my no SH time until Pentecost. A person on another PC Forum helped me get to that idea. I haven't made a firm commitment yet, but I'm leaning towards it. Attaching it to something important to my religion, my faith, seems to be key. When people tell me, just do it for you, don't do it for anyone else, that doesn't really work for me, because I don't care about myself enough. But I do care about my God, my religion, my faith, and so maybe I can tie the two together again, like I did for Lent. It definitely made it easier to get through. HUGS Kit
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Last edited by SlumberKitty; 04-17-2019 at 05:44 PM. Reason: spelling error
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Old 04-18-2019, 03:22 PM #38
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Default Re: Therapist Cancelled on Me

(Cross posted from the couch) I'm going to be able to see my therapist this Saturday at 1. I will get to talk over with her extending out the no SH after Lent after all. I was on the cancellation list but I really didn't think that I would hear from the office, but I did. I normally don't do Saturday appointments as I would prefer to go after work and not in the middle of my day, but in this case, I jumped at the chance to see her and get to talk to her about extending out the time. I'm so glad this worked out. Now, I just hope it's a good appointment! HUGS Kit
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