What have you learned from leaving therapy? - Page 2 - Forums at Psych Central



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Old 04-16-2019, 07:09 AM #11
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Default Re: What have you learned from leaving therapy?

I spent five years in therapy in my late 20's-early 30's and "graduated" when I felt I was done. What I learned from therapy helped me very much in changing my life to what I wanted it to be, improving my relationships with other people and setting me on a related, but different, career path. Shortly after I left therapy, I met someone who I then married, moved across the country, and took a job that was much better suited to me. For 15 years, life was good but when I ran into a difficulty that I needed to address, I went back into therapy. So I suppose the other thing I learned in therapy was that it's okay to go back when you have new issues that you want to address. Being done is not always being done forever, and knowing when it would be useful for me to seek help turned out to be a good thing.
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Old 04-16-2019, 09:42 AM #12
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Default Re: What have you learned from leaving therapy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by BudFox View Post
This:

"People want to believe there’s someone out there that knows, and so they’re willing to accept subjugation. What if nobody knows any better than you? Until you realize that, you’re not an adult. That’s really, technically, the point of realization of adulthood, that no one actually knows what you should do more than you do." -- Jordan Peterson
And what if going to therapy, for many of us, in not about believing somebody else "knows any better than you," but rather, we use therapy as a space where we have another willing person who will listen, help us perhaps find a way toward our own "realization" of "adulthood"? Most people don't go to therapy to "accept subjugation;" we've already been the victims of subjugation throughout our childhoods (generally), and therapy is a pathway beyond that experience of childhood subjugation into our own personal insight and adult autonomy.
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Old 04-16-2019, 10:01 AM #13
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Default Re: What have you learned from leaving therapy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins View Post
And what if going to therapy, for many of us, in not about believing somebody else "knows any better than you," but rather, we use therapy as a space where we have another willing person who will listen, help us perhaps find a way toward our own "realization" of "adulthood"? Most people don't go to therapy to "accept subjugation;" we've already been the victims of subjugation throughout our childhoods (generally), and therapy is a pathway beyond that experience of childhood subjugation into our own personal insight and adult autonomy.
I don't think Budfox's post implied it is true for everyone. Just like not everyone experienced subjugation/abuse/serious trauma in childhood. I never believed that a therapist would know better what is best for me, I was mostly curious whether therapy could add anything to the self-exploration I already do habitually by default. Or if it could help to change some destructive adult habits. Very minimal benefit overall and it just became another distracting habit, so I quit and experienced the benefit of eliminating useless energy and effort. There are many reasons people go to therapy for and also many reasons for quitting. I personally never perceived a therapist as an authority of any kind. One of them did try to dominate me, that is true... but it was much more his issue than anything else, so some Ts do play sick power games. Never had the same with my other T who was much healthier mentally in many ways.
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Old 04-16-2019, 10:26 AM #14
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Default Re: What have you learned from leaving therapy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by BudFox View Post
This:

"People want to believe there’s someone out there that knows, and so they’re willing to accept subjugation. What if nobody knows any better than you? Until you realize that, you’re not an adult. That’s really, technically, the point of realization of adulthood, that no one actually knows what you should do more than you do." -- Jordan Peterson
I think that's an excellent quote and very much true. For some people good therapy can help to achieve that state of adulthood.

Similarly, I find it highly probably that leaving therapy will help to achieve that state for some people. Paradox here is that without starting the therapy in the first place it would have been impossible to reach that moment of leaving.
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Old 04-16-2019, 02:10 PM #15
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Default Re: What have you learned from leaving therapy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins View Post
And what if going to therapy, for many of us, in not about believing somebody else "knows any better than you," but rather, we use therapy as a space where we have another willing person who will listen, help us perhaps find a way toward our own "realization" of "adulthood"? Most people don't go to therapy to "accept subjugation;" we've already been the victims of subjugation throughout our childhoods (generally), and therapy is a pathway beyond that experience of childhood subjugation into our own personal insight and adult autonomy.
exactly true in my experience
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Old 04-16-2019, 05:12 PM #16
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Default Re: What have you learned from leaving therapy?

I had different therapists---two co-therapist scornful bullies and others who were more benign.

Escaping the bullies was the most difficult: either stay for more punishment or defy "authority."

Still the more benign therapists had me believe they'd bolstered me. Leaving demonstrated I handled tough situations all along without them.

Only after distance I realized I'd been mesmerized into seeing my therapists as mystical and magical. They clearly encouraged this through dominance signalling, arrogation and artifice. I felt like a dupe who handed them the weapons of my vulnerability.

I no longer believe in gurus or that anyone is omniscient and omnipotent. And I stopped chasing some cola commercial life, thinking everyone else was at the party except me.
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Old 04-16-2019, 07:33 PM #17
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Default Re: What have you learned from leaving therapy?

What is dominance signaling?
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Old 04-16-2019, 07:42 PM #18
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Default Re: What have you learned from leaving therapy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SalingerEsme View Post
What is dominance signaling?

In animals it's nonverbal and "acoustical" gestures of establishing hierarchy
Dominance signal - Wikipedia

This wikipedia article lists vocal quality, facial and physical signaling in humans, but I think it's much more. It's everything from interrupting, posturing, mean girl comments and gestures, etc., all the things do to impart that one person is superior or dominant to another. My therapists faked knowing many things they couldn't possibly have known, and I was awed at the time.
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Old 04-16-2019, 08:19 PM #19
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Quote:
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What is dominance signaling?
I interviewed one who had their chair higher than the client's chair.
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Old 04-16-2019, 09:01 PM #20
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Default Re: What have you learned from leaving therapy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SalingerEsme View Post
What is dominance signaling?

It's those people who leave us awed, angered or intimidated and we often don't understand why. Chances are high they're doing something, verbal or non-verbal to make us feeler inferior in the pecking order. It can be funny in movies: the snotty in-crowd girls tormenting the hapless out-crowd girl, until the mean girls get their comeuppance.
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