What have you learned from leaving therapy?

Mopey · Apr 16, 2019 at 09:24 PM

This is an intriguing subject. In retrospect I would say that the most important idea I left therapy with — and I really was through, at least at that time,— was that I had no desire ever to go back. And this was no disrespect to my therapist—quite the opposite—just that I’d gotten to the point where, for the most part, I needed to decide things for myself.

BudFox · Apr 16, 2019 at 10:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins

And what if going to therapy, for many of us, in not about believing somebody else "knows any better than you," but rather, we use therapy as a space where we have another willing person who will listen, help us perhaps find a way toward our own "realization" of "adulthood"? Most people don't go to therapy to "accept subjugation;" we've already been the victims of subjugation throughout our childhoods (generally), and therapy is a pathway beyond that experience of childhood subjugation into our own personal insight and adult autonomy.

From what i've seen, a meaningful number of therapy relationships are hierarchical and fear-based. Clients give up some of their dignity and power in order to "get help" and begin taking subtle forms of abuse in order not to be cut off from the supply of reassurance or alleged insight. Not saying it's always that way.

I found it was a Wizard of Oz thing... look behind the curtain and see that therapists are just as stupid and broken as everyone else. It's just an act. And i saw clearly how i'd been groveling for their phony wisdom.

koru_kiwi · Apr 19, 2019 at 02:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BudFox

From what i've seen, a meaningful number of therapy relationships are hierarchical and fear-based. Clients give up some of their dignity and power in order to "get help" and begin taking subtle forms of abuse in order not to be cut off from the supply of reassurance or alleged insight. .

exactly...

whether it was intentional or not or because of the structure/dynamic of the therapeutic relationship, therapy with my ex-T clearly fed into my deepest fears..my fears of being unworthy, unlovable, and that i would eventually be abandoned and forever lonely and disconnected from humans if i did not conform, appease and submit to others, including him. this often led to many painful and strong transference re-enactments playing out in the relationship with my T and dominated my therapy.

fortunately, when and after ending therapy, that was the thing i finally learned...i no longer had those fears. i fully accepted and embraced that i was worthy of love, from both others and myself, and i no longer feared being alone. i no longer feared that my T would abandon me or that i needed to earn his love and be loved by him to survive life. for me, it was incredibly freeing to no longer feel i had to live a life dictated by those fears.

here today · Apr 19, 2019 at 04:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by koru_kiwi

. . .therapy with my ex-T clearly fed into my deepest fears..my fears of being unworthy, unlovable, and that i would eventually be abandoned and forever lonely and disconnected from humans if i did not conform, appease and submit to others, including him. this often led to many painful and strong transference re-enactments playing out in the relationship with my T and dominated my therapy.
. . .

You've expressed it well, thanks.

missbella · Apr 19, 2019 at 11:15 AM

My therapists led me to believe they had auras, power and wisdom I couldn’t hope to possess. It took a long separation to understand what theatrical performances they staged.

sarahsweets · Apr 19, 2019 at 11:57 AM

I am always confused as to why you reply to any therapy threads being that you do not like it, support it and think its a waste of time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BudFox

From what i've seen, a meaningful number of therapy relationships are hierarchical and fear-based. Clients give up some of their dignity and power in order to "get help" and begin taking subtle forms of abuse in order not to be cut off from the supply of reassurance or alleged insight. Not saying it's always that way.

I found it was a Wizard of Oz thing... look behind the curtain and see that therapists are just as stupid and broken as everyone else. It's just an act. And i saw clearly how i'd been groveling for their phony wisdom.

01:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

I am always confused as to why you reply to any therapy threads being that you do not like it, support it and think its a waste of time.

I like his opinions and feedback - if you know his therapy story, his views come from personal therapy pain (ie not random trolling). I think it’s great that this forum has a plethora of different perspective and experiences. He’s offered explanations to things I’ve personally experienced and would have wondered if it was just me...

We are all working though something by posting here.

missbella · Apr 19, 2019 at 01:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

I am always confused as to why you reply to any therapy threads being that you do not like it, support it and think its a waste of time.

You apparently don’t understand the content of Bud’s post which is about hierarchy and power issues. I find his posts insightful, complementing my exploration of harmful therapy. He writes about topics the profession itself won’t explore.

Since you apparently can’t comprehend his posts, why gibe him with an ad hominem remark? Please give others the respect with their concerns you would like with yours. Why the compulsion to. “police” others? And if you dislike someone, how sincere is your feedback?

Lrad123 · Apr 19, 2019 at 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BudFox

I found it was a Wizard of Oz thing... look behind the curtain and see that therapists are just as stupid and broken as everyone else. It's just an act. And i saw clearly how i'd been groveling for their phony wisdom.

I was new to therapy about a year and a half ago and was very wary of the whole Wizard of Oz scenario, that you describe, but what I’ve recently found is that the whole wizard thing was my idea, not his. He’s never professed to be wiser than me, but has patiently waited for me to come to the realization that he’s just a regular person who is interested in listening to what I have to say. It’s a huge relief and I feel like I can finally start therapy.

ArtleyWilkins · Apr 19, 2019 at 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lrad123

I was new to therapy about a year and a half ago and was very wary of the whole Wizard of Oz scenario, that you describe, but what I’ve recently found is that the whole wizard thing was my idea, not his. He’s never professed to be wiser than me, but has patiently waited for me to come to the realization that he’s just a regular person who is interested in listening to what I have to say. It’s a huge relief and I feel like I can finally start therapy.

My therapists actively would not allow me to idolize them or put them on a pedestal. They never claimed to have knowledge I didn't have, particularly about myself, and they certainly didn't claim to have all the answers (any actually). They were with me while I figured things out. They were there to dialogue and perhaps learn to utilize what I learned along the way with some regularity, always with the end goal to not have to rely on them through my problems.

missbella · Apr 19, 2019 at 02:48 PM

In retrospect my idolizing clearly was a folie à deux. They controlled my narrative, "interpreted" me, others and events. They diagnosed people they've never me and pretended to understand what they never witnessed. They performed inhuman feats of omniscience.

They were scornful and authoritative, encouraging me to solicit their approval. They encouraged me to expose my weakest, most flawed, most anguished parts, which of course, was far from the total picture of my life.

(I made the mistake once of mentioning a success the first day of group therapy, and was reproached for it.)

I'm sometimes in group situations where others might find my role itself intimidating. I don't want anyone on alert, self-conscious or doing their role guessing how to "please" me. I do my best to relax, be part of the group and give feedback humbly.

I can't respect these would-be gurus who were my therapists, particularly since I really needed to get in touch with my own effectiveness and maturity.

sarahsweets · Apr 20, 2019 at 02:49 AM

Who says I do not think his posts are insightful? I do not know why you are upset with me saying I do not comprehend what he means. I didn't know there was context or subtext I was missing and I was unaware that I was supposed to know there was- I do not look for the context or subtext of every single person that posts. I certainly do not want to seem like I am policing anyone. He obviously didn't like therapy or have a good experience so I was confused about why he chose to post. If you are saying he means to post to inform others about what happened in his experience then I wish he would share more about what he means. I struggle sometimes with understanding social cues and what people mean. I certainly didnt mean to ad hominem attack anyone. I do not think its nice to imply that I am not intelligent enough to understand his posts. I have had my own bad experiences with therapy and I try and share about them in the threads about harmful therapy- I didnt realize this section was also for that.
Bud- my apologies for misunderstanding the intent of your post or the context behind it. I didn't realize what you were trying to say- I am human.

Quote:

Originally Posted by missbella

You apparently don’t understand the content of Bud’s post which is about hierarchy and power issues. I find his posts insightful, complementing my exploration of harmful therapy. He writes about topics the profession itself won’t explore.

Since you apparently can’t comprehend his posts, why gibe him with an ad hominem remark? Please give others the respect with their concerns you would like with yours. Why the compulsion to. “police” others? And if you dislike someone, how sincere is your feedback?

08:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

Who says I do not think his posts are insightful? I do not know why you are upset with me saying I do not comprehend what he means. I didn't know there was context or subtext I was missing and I was unaware that I was supposed to know there was- I do not look for the context or subtext of every single person that posts. I certainly do not want to seem like I am policing anyone. He obviously didn't like therapy or have a good experience so I was confused about why he chose to post. If you are saying he means to post to inform others about what happened in his experience then I wish he would share more about what he means. I struggle sometimes with understanding social cues and what people mean. I certainly didnt mean to ad hominem attack anyone. I do not think its nice to imply that I am not intelligent enough to understand his posts. I have had my own bad experiences with therapy and I try and share about them in the threads about harmful therapy- I didnt realize this section was also for that.
Bud- my apologies for misunderstanding the intent of your post or the context behind it. I didn't realize what you were trying to say- I am human.

Ok so socially- saying “I don’t understand why you post on this forum” comes across much differently than saying “I don’t understand what you are trying to convey with this post”.

The former implies judgment and that someone is not welcome to post on a forum. With the latter expressing curiosity in what the person is saying.

I’m not trying to be patronizing - but with difficulties reading social cues, it might be confusing understanding the source of angry or rude replies to the way you word your posts. Not justifying anybody or anything, just trying to help.

I’m not too concerned myself with how anyone else posts - if I don’t like what I read I try to disengage (esp if I am clashing with someone), or I do not reply at all. Confrontation and arguing stresses me out. I’m also slowly learning where to post in this forum and how to post - I.e. trying to read what a person is looking for when asking for help, and if I don’t feel like I can offer anything constructive I pass. It can be tricky ground.

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missbella Grand Poohbah Member Since Jun 2010 Location: here Posts: 1,845 13 814 hugs given	Apr 19, 2019 at 11:15 AM #25 My therapists led me to believe they had auras, power and wisdom I couldn’t hope to possess. It took a long separation to understand what theatrical performances they staged. __________________ https://disequilibrium1.wordpress.co...aks-her-piece/
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