What have you learned from leaving therapy? - Forums at Psych Central



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Old 04-15-2019, 11:58 AM #1
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Default What have you learned from leaving therapy?

For those of you who have left therapy, what have you learned that you don't think you could have realised while IN therapy?

I have realised that I need to rely on myself and myself only. So much of my disappointment comes from expecting people to be there, or do their jobs, or not be pricks. I am, with few exceptions, let down. I am trying to expect nothing from the people I meet.

I have realised that I need to keep my private life more private. I've shared things with people and the lack of sensitivity is outstanding. I now journal or go for a walk. I feel safer.

I have realised that volunteering improves my mental health.

I have realised that I should leave situations that aren't working for me sooner. I'm 35 -- I'm tired of people who can't be bothered.

I have realised I should pour my love into my family and my home. Those are the things most likely to last.

I have learned that when someone denies you a space, you build your own. Don't keep trying to push against a locked door.
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Old 04-15-2019, 12:27 PM #2
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Default Re: What have you learned from leaving therapy?

I learned that I have many people I can rely on for support outside of therapy. One of the goals my therapist had for me was to rejoin my past activities and add others so that I could develop those relationships with others and that association with supportive groups of individuals. Once I finally did that, I found I really had much more support than I had realized because I had isolated myself a great deal while I was in therapy and struggling.

I've realized I can handle what life throws at me. Since I left therapy, life hasn't been a bed of roses: Mom passed away; husband has had probably 12 surgeries, etc. etc. etc. I don't fall apart anymore. I don't spiral into depression. I have the internal skills to cope with stress and crises (and the support system needed to help me get through). I have pretty normal responses to crises, and I work through those events in healthy ways now.

I've realized I can be my own best advocate. I can set healthy, flexible boundaries that protect me from harm yet allow for relationship. I don't have to wear my armour anymore.

I've realized I'm stronger than I gave myself credit for.

I've realized I am really pretty content with my life. That's a nice place to be.
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Old 04-15-2019, 01:12 PM #3
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Default Re: What have you learned from leaving therapy?

What do you think prevented you from learning those things while in therapy, OP?
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Old 04-15-2019, 01:48 PM #4
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Default Re: What have you learned from leaving therapy?

I learned I was right about therapy and therapists.
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Old 04-15-2019, 01:58 PM #5
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Default Re: What have you learned from leaving therapy?

I learned that my therapist is human and not a god. But I think I learned that towards the end of therapy technically and then I left.
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Old 04-15-2019, 02:21 PM #6
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Default Re: What have you learned from leaving therapy?

My lessons are related to giving up on failing therapy:

I learned to value my self respect and independence more than external validation and care that requires unquestioned compliance and submission

I learned the signs of emotional addiction to an individual, learned why itís unhealthy, and indentified my Ďblind spotsí to avoid future emotional addiction.

I learned to remove myself from situations that make me feel bad about myself.

I learned I should never have to convince (or pay) someone to love me.

I learned I am responsible for my own emotions. I cannot change anyone but myself. Trying to get someone else to be different keeps me hooked in a destructive waiting pattern.

I learned I am not broken and donít need to be fixed. I am good enough AS IS.

I learned I am an adult and donít need babying, coddling or enabling no matter how good it feels in the moment. I learned that I should never tolerate regressive dynamics.

I learned that therapy is not the only path to heal, understand myself better or self-improve.

Last edited by PurpleMirrors3; 04-15-2019 at 02:45 PM.
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Old 04-15-2019, 02:25 PM #7
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Default Re: What have you learned from leaving therapy?

I learned that I do much better without therapy. I don't regret experimenting at all and there have been some interesting lessons, but at least traditional long-term psychotherapy is not for me really.
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Old 04-15-2019, 02:56 PM #8
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Default Re: What have you learned from leaving therapy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by PurpleMirrors3 View Post
I learned that I should never tolerate regressive dynamics.
.
Would you explain more about this? Regression scares me, but T's seem to go after it?
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Old 04-15-2019, 03:46 PM #9
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Wink Re: What have you learned from leaving therapy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SalingerEsme View Post
Would you explain more about this? Regression scares me, but T's seem to go after it?

Of course!

My therapist was of the ďgood enough motherĒ orientation, and her technique involved talking in a very soothing voice, long loving glances, flowery touchy-feely language etc. Way over the top by comparisson to other therapists Iíve seen.

It didnít take long for this to trigger unmet childhood needs, and I started to long for more... like fantasizing about being physically held, longing to have her take me home and tuck me in to sleep, feeling the need to be in contact 24/7, or sobbing like a baby missing her when she went away on vacation or I was sick. These were intense and intrusive thoughts that occupied my brain nearly constantly. At my age it was humiliating and degrading to experience (especially talking about it TO her), regardless of how open other therapy clients might be to this or how normal it allegedly is.

She was never going to do any of these things, which felt passively rejecting and left me in a really bad state. Circling back to the topic of this post, being treated in a way that could trigger regression is not something Iíll tolerate anymore.

I feel like Iíve hijacked this thread enough but PM me if you want more details or have specific questions.

Last edited by PurpleMirrors3; 04-15-2019 at 05:54 PM.
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Old 04-15-2019, 05:48 PM #10
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Default Re: What have you learned from leaving therapy?

This:

"People want to believe thereís someone out there that knows, and so theyíre willing to accept subjugation. What if nobody knows any better than you? Until you realize that, youíre not an adult. Thatís really, technically, the point of realization of adulthood, that no one actually knows what you should do more than you do." -- Jordan Peterson
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