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Old 04-18-2019, 11:52 AM #11
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Default Re: Heartbroken after today’s session

Quote:
Originally Posted by precaryous View Post
Doesn’t it depend on our goal(s) in therapy?

Connection and warmth are important to me in my current therapy.

But if I went to therapy with a goal of, perhaps, help with performance anxiety at school or work, connection and warmth might not be as important.

Hope, if connection and warmth are important to you in therapy, I feel your current T is telling you he is not the right fit for you unless you can use his expertise for some other purpose.
Agreed

This time around, I just need someone who isn't judgemental to listen to my grief stuff, since I don't feel comfortable talking about it with most people. Having no connection is nice, we don't even joke around, it has helped so much in me not caring. I focus on the session and the work more and not the relationship. I trust him enough that he wont say anything to people and we "connect" on a basic human level and thats good enough for me

BUT

With my previous therapist, in that time in my life, the relationship saved me. I would not say that it mattered TO HIM if there was a connection or warmth though, it was more something I needed.
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Old 04-18-2019, 12:08 PM #12
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Default Re: Heartbroken after today’s session

I'm sorry that you are heartbroken. It's good you got in to see your T but I'm sorry you are hurting now. I think connection is important in therapy, IDK about warmth. My former T was warm but current T isn't necessarily. I don't have any evidence to back this up, this is just my opinion. Gentle hugs to you. Kit
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Old 04-18-2019, 12:30 PM #13
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Default Re: Heartbroken after today’s session

At the end of session, I asked him if he would think about it and he agreed.

I don’t want to go to anymore Ts. The ones that I’ve had have been enough.
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Old 04-18-2019, 12:34 PM #14
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Default Re: Heartbroken after today’s session

It's ok to take a break if you need Hope. I have taken a few with baby T and will again come May.
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Old 04-18-2019, 12:34 PM #15
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Default Re: Heartbroken after today’s session

Can someone help me look up the importance of this issue so I can get this stuff together and show him the value in it.
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Old 04-18-2019, 01:32 PM #16
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Default Re: Heartbroken after today’s session

Just google "therapeutic relationship" but remember, he doesn't HAVE to see it the same way. He may not. It's ok to show him and explain and even to say you want/need that but it's also ok for him to set limits/boundaries and keep a distance there.

I do think having you come in today, fairly last minute, was warm/caring. There are probably other times he has said or done something that felt warm or caring, maybe write those down so you have a good reminder of those things? Maybe there is warmth, connection there, just in a different way than you are used to

Connection/Warmth can be different to everyone
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Old 04-18-2019, 01:40 PM #17
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Default Re: Heartbroken after today’s session

I don’t think you bringing in resources are as important as you talking about how it matters to YOU. I do find it an odd statement for a T to make.
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Old 04-18-2019, 01:54 PM #18
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Default Re: Heartbroken after today’s session

He does some caring things but that put me over the top since I was already barely hanging on.
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Old 04-18-2019, 02:22 PM #19
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Default Re: Heartbroken after today’s session

It's ok to take a break from therapy. I am so sorry you are hurting so much i hope you and your t can talk more about this. Hugs
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Old 04-18-2019, 03:44 PM #20
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Default Re: Heartbroken after today’s session

It goes back as far as Freud:


https://www.family-institute.org/sit..._therapist.pdf


The importance of a therapeutic relationship - in psychotherapy and beyond | Life Labs


https://ogradywellbeing.com/psychotherapy-love-healing/


I’m not sure trying to change his mind (or him) is going to help this situation but as they say it’s all grist for the mill!
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