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Old 04-18-2019, 04:06 PM #21
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Default Re: Heartbroken after today’s session

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Originally Posted by hopealwayz View Post
Can someone help me look up the importance of this issue so I can get this stuff together and show him the value in it.
If you research therapeutic alliance or rapport, there are literally thousands of scholarly articles on the importance of it and how it is the most important predictor or a positive outcome. More important than the therapists actual theoretical orientation. Your T should absolutely know this. It’s Clinical Psych 101.
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Old 04-18-2019, 04:14 PM #22
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Default Re: Heartbroken after today’s session

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If you research therapeutic alliance or rapport, there are literally thousands of scholarly articles on the importance of it and how it is the most important predictor or a positive outcome. More important than the therapists actual theoretical orientation. Your T should absolutely know this. It’s Clinical Psych 101.
You are implying that there cannot be a therapeutic alliance or good rapport without warmth and connection, but what makes a therapeutic alliance and what creates good rapport varies from person to person.
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Old 04-18-2019, 07:22 PM #23
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Default Re: Heartbroken after today’s session

You don't exactly explain the context of this particular statement, so not really knowing what preceded his comment, it's hard to know how to respond.

He may have been addressing that "the relationship," the emotional connection isn't his primary goal as a therapist. I don't know that that is all that unusual, nor does it mean he doesn't want connection or relationship or warmth. He may just be more goal and outcome oriented rather than relationally oriented.

Your therapy can still be very effective and purposeful even without that being the primary focus. You've known from the start that this therapist has good boundaries, works professionally, and keeps a professional frame around your sessions. I don't think this statement particularly says anything different than what he has done all along, and you have been pleased for the most part with how this therapy has been going.

Last edited by ArtleyWilkins; 04-18-2019 at 07:41 PM.
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Old 04-18-2019, 07:46 PM #24
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Default Re: Heartbroken after today’s session

It is essential to my T and having worked with others that did not share that value I can tell you it is a whole different world. Yes, it still sucks some times, it still hurts but there is healing and comfort.
As a kid my mom cleaned cuts with alcohol. My dad cleaned them with saline and soap. Either way they never got infected but I went to dad when I got a cut or scrape and hid them from mom... the hidden ones sometimes got infected.
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Old 04-18-2019, 08:49 PM #25
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Default Re: Heartbroken after today’s session

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Originally Posted by hopealwayz View Post
He does some caring things but that put me over the top since I was already barely hanging on.
Hi Hope,

Is it possible your T may not be very good at ‘warmth and caring’ so he doesn’t incorporate that in his practice?

Is it possible his telling you about his chosen practice style or practice limitations are, in a way, a way to care about you?

I’m just thinking ‘out loud’ ...it may not apply to your situation at all.

I’m sorry this so hard. I’ve had a ‘blank screen’ Psychiatrist before and I do better with ‘warm and caring’, too.
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Old 04-18-2019, 09:06 PM #26
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Default Re: Heartbroken after today’s session

BTW the therapists theoretical orientation has made a world of difference for me. Current T AKA Awesome T is humanistic and he doesn’t just know the theories he embodies them and lives them.
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Old 04-18-2019, 09:23 PM #27
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Default Re: Heartbroken after today’s session

Tonight... THIS!
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Old 04-19-2019, 12:08 PM #28
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Default Re: Heartbroken after today’s session

He did say he would think about what I said. He tried to call me last night but I was so upset that I went to sleep early. I got his voicemail this morning.
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Old 04-19-2019, 03:28 PM #29
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Default Re: Heartbroken after today’s session

You said that you really liked this T before though. Is this weakness worth breaking the whole thing now?
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Old 04-21-2019, 07:49 AM #30
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Default Re: Heartbroken after today’s session

No, I think we can work through whatever happens. In the past, I would’ve ran. But, with him I want to stay and try.

I wish he didn’t bring up such a painful thing right before he was gone for 2 weeks.
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