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Old 04-18-2019, 11:12 AM #1
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Default The topic of warmth and connection

Many comments in hopealwayz thread have mentioned warmth and connection in therapy, and how for some therapists, this is not important, or that this is not the approach they take.

Generally speaking, therapists do need to work on building connection to some degree in order to form a good relationship.

I’m interested however, in relation to the blank slate therapist, what a therapist who really wants to show/build warmth and connection would look like? What do they do, or not do, during the therapy process that makes it clear that they value warmth and connection?

My therapist is most definitely not a blank slate therapist, but I’d like to have a better understanding of where on the spectrum she is by comparing my ideas on this topic with those of others.

A different topic if anyone has anything to contribute - why do you think therapists sometimes, with particular questions, respond by starting the sentence with ‘well, as a therapist...’? What are they trying to imply here? I’m curious. For me, I almost want to respond with, how about you answer as a ‘human’.. 🤔

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Old 04-18-2019, 01:19 PM #2
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Default Re: The topic of warmth and connection

Y'know now that you mention it, ex-T used to say "As your therapist...." I never really thought about that before but you're right. What about as a fellow human being?
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Old 04-18-2019, 02:11 PM #3
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Default Re: The topic of warmth and connection

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Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn View Post
Y'know now that you mention it, ex-T used to say "As your therapist...." I never really thought about that before but you're right. What about as a fellow human being?
Because they are hired to act as a therapist - not a fellow human being. Their role is other in my opinion.
But I never saw them as warm or connected and wasn't really looking for that in the first place.
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Old 04-18-2019, 02:25 PM #4
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Default Re: The topic of warmth and connection

Good point... but sometimes I guess I just wanted more than that....

I was looking for warmth and connection, though. And L provided both.
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Old 04-18-2019, 02:27 PM #5
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Default Re: The topic of warmth and connection

What would the purpose of it be?
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Old 04-18-2019, 02:31 PM #6
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Default Re: The topic of warmth and connection

Inner little Artie wanting what she didn't get growing up I suppose. Warmth and connection and then also my mom was so unknowable and when I got warmth and connection from L, I wanted to know her too. I guess.
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Old 04-18-2019, 03:02 PM #7
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Default Re: The topic of warmth and connection

I personally seem to see ‘As a therapist, I would say...’ as not allowing oneself to be real, which in their case is due to being a professional. That’s all fine, but doesn’t work for me. I take it as ‘I may not necessarily believe in this entirely, or say this to a friend/family, but..’. Immediately, I don’t care for what they have to say next. I don’t care what ‘research’ says work or what ‘everyone’ says. I’d rather it be real, authentic, honest, any of these, whether it hurts or not!
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Old 04-18-2019, 04:13 PM #8
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Default Re: The topic of warmth and connection

Quote:
Originally Posted by darkside8 View Post
I personally seem to see ‘As a therapist, I would say...’ as not allowing oneself to be real, which in their case is due to being a professional. That’s all fine, but doesn’t work for me. I take it as ‘I may not necessarily believe in this entirely, or say this to a friend/family, but..’. Immediately, I don’t care for what they have to say next. I don’t care what ‘research’ says work or what ‘everyone’ says. I’d rather it be real, authentic, honest, any of these, whether it hurts or not!
This. To me it makes me want to trust less what comes after they say that.
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Old 04-18-2019, 04:25 PM #9
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Default Re: The topic of warmth and connection

I don't have a problem with the "As your therapist" line or knowing that my T treats me differently than he treats his friends or family or whoever. I expect something different from my T than I do from friends and family, I expect T to look at whatever issue in terms of how it relates to my history and patterns of behavior etc and try to understand it in that way. Whereas I want my friends and family to just support me or help me. So I think it's different but not less authentic or less trustworthy.
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Old 04-18-2019, 04:52 PM #10
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Default Re: The topic of warmth and connection

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Originally Posted by Salmon77 View Post
I don't have a problem with the "As your therapist" line or knowing that my T treats me differently than he treats his friends or family or whoever. I expect something different from my T than I do from friends and family, I expect T to look at whatever issue in terms of how it relates to my history and patterns of behavior etc and try to understand it in that way. Whereas I want my friends and family to just support me or help me. So I think it's different but not less authentic or less trustworthy.
Being treated as a client isn’t the issue for me. I think it depends more on what exactly they are responding to. Sometimes there are certain general questions I ask with the intention of receiving an honest answer, which generally, I believe my T does provide. It’s occasionally from her and a few therapists online who make YouTube videos - I reckon they put the therapist hat on when an honest response may undermine an approach from a psychological stand point. Probably bugs me more because I seem to generally see things with a critical mind and appreciate when my view is responded to appropriately.

Also, I’ve never heard as ‘your’ therapist, it’s always as ‘a’ therapist - may be a difference there in intent
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