Couch 194: The Floral Couch

I've never seen either show...

Definitely. You've managed this far. I think you can do it

I'm happy to hear it went ok. I am glad you are a great mom and let her go when she wanted. I remember being forced to stay and suffer through so many social things, it just really messed with me in the long run.

Happy birthday to her BTW

I have segued into reruns of Jeeves and Wooster with Fry and Laurie.

ATAT - have you tried making brazilian cheese puffs? They are gluten free - made with tapioca flour and cheese and are extremely easy to make - I pour all the ingredients into a blender and pour them into muffin tins - they are like a cheesy popover. Here is one version
Brazilian Cheese Puffs (Gluten-Free, Grain-Free) - Rebooted Mom

And if you want some ready made, these are pretty tasty and gluten-free.
Authentic Brazilian Cheese Bread | Brazi Bites

Can I scream into a pillow here? Argh! Too much stress! And my H forced me to skip this weeks session with L.

Go with the most of you part, Kit.

You get to choose to.

If L is the only thing keeping you relatively stable, I wouldn't skip.

Good morning y’all. Hope everyone’s doing okay.

Good news is that I got a new hanging plant and it’s nice to see it thriving in my window.

Bad news is that I’m still feeling really bad. I had a really stressful thing on Thursday and I thought I’d feel better afterwards but instead I feel worse and it’s really making me nervous—am I falling into the abyss again? I emailed my T expecting not to get a response (the deal is that when I email him to say that I’m feeling badly he won’t respond, but if I really need him I can call/text him) and he didn’t respond but I wish he had because I just feel so awful. I could call or text but I’m trying to hold out. (Also he’ll make me promise to spend the day out of the house and that’s just too overwhelming right now.)

Have a nice Easter everyone

Hey Kit, been thinking about this a lot. I am a Christian but have had other *Christians* shove religion down my throat so I can be a little shy. Please if you don’t like the idea do not worry about offending me by just scrolling by or whatever...

Scripture talks about out body as a temple. I have an oh so deep love for spiritual architecture (yes, I am a mess this week). Most churches have a grounds person or maitainence person, some even live on site. They polish the pews, tend to the lawns and gardens... through a lot of hard work that is often unseen and unappreciated they make sure our churches have that smell that draws us into the holy, that the pews are soft and shiny with that touch of lemon scent (if you are old enough for pews... the chairs in churches bugs me). Could you find a picture of a church or cathedral you admire... Norte Dame might even be a good one for this as it rises from her own ashes to become whole again... and imagine yourself that grounds keeper... working hard each day to keep the Church pristine and holy? Yes, even groundskeepers get sick, disasters happen, church goers leave a mess... and lord help us when a wedding comes through... but, the grounds keeper takes a deep breath, remembers the grandure and sanctity of the Church, picks up their supplies and goes back to cleaning, restoring and protecting the Church. And this, this job of keeping the holy oh holies clean and preserved is their daily gift to God for all that God has done for us.

I hope I didn’t sound too preachy.

Had a dream about T last night... a good one but I want to cry. I know I *should* talk to T about it but far too ashamed to email yet alone talk to him.

I got to session and T, as always, asked what I needed. I said I needed to ask him a question and he reminded me that questions are always welcomed in therapy while I squirmed.
I told him how my mom had taken me to a T and it was VERY traumatizing. I was afraid of men and I was alone with him in his office. I was BIG into animal rights then and everything was red leather so it felt morbid. The floor lights and desk lamp kept it dim to almost dark and the shades were drawn tight. I was in terror as he barraged me with questions and requests trying to get me to open up (yes, that really happened... it super sucked).
So, after much fidgeting I asked T what he would have done with that scared 6th grader and shared what my perceptions of therapists were at that age (basically a person with no empathy who was outside the law to be able to do anything to get your behavior to socially acceptable. They were allowed to do things that would fall well into the definition of torture but had a license to allow it).
T paused and softened. “I see her every week”. You became the strong one, the fighter, the protector. Not many people will take you on and most will loose. 6th grade you and younger you stay tight to your side or just behind you. They trust you to protect them and keep them safe. I try to show protector you that I can keep you safe. When the young ones peer out from behind you I soften, I try to offer a smile but sometimes it is too much. I work with them every week by keeping protector you safe. You didn’t trust your mom to keep you safe with the other therapist but they trust you to keep them safe with me. I hope some day they might trust me enough to come out from behind you but I must prove myself to them first. The will not come out so long as they need you to keep them safe and that’s OK.

I should probably stop making my room smell like his office before ai go to bed...

I need to dust
It is one of my least favorite things to do

As one Christian to another, at some point our honor of our lives has to become internalized in order to be truly honor our faith. The fact is, you have successfully managed these last 6 weeks through Lent. YOU have done that, and to truly honor what you have done, you need to go the next step and do it for yourself (or understand you are actually doing for yourself already). If you want to use the church calendar year to mark your goals, that is fine, but you need to honor YOUR ability and not push that success onto some honestly rather arbitrary church calendar. Hey, I live by the church calendar myself. I understand that, but I also know it was created by a council way back when as a political device. Pull that outward calendar into your inward goals. Right now you are externalizing and giving credit to an outward device when in actuality YOU are doing the work INWARDLY. Give yourself credit where credit is due. You are doing great. Keep it up . . . FOR YOU.

Extra credit opportunity for students?

I am pleased to report TJ’s gf waffles are excellent.

Ooh! Teacher Goals!

OMERS

How exactly do you replicate the smell? LOL

I used to clean the classrooms, offices and storage closets for bus passes, *cough* hall passes, and permission to be in school on days I was not supposed to be there. Win win!

@Omers...thank you!!

Thanks ArtleyWilkins!