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Luna's offical mini me.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Cafe Nervosa.
Posts: 9,698
(SuperPoster!)
6 10.2k hugs
given |
#581
Quote:
I like the saying smell like a goat. My go to perfume is from the body shop. Moringia and it was super cheap too. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing." |
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SlumberKitty, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
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LonesomeTonight, unaluna
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Luna's offical mini me.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Cafe Nervosa.
Posts: 9,698
(SuperPoster!)
6 10.2k hugs
given |
#582
__________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing." |
CantExplain, SlumberKitty
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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,796
12 3,128 hugs
given |
#583
Thanks, Cake.
How can everything feel up in the air, when nothing has changed yet? __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
SlumberKitty
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CantExplain
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Luna's offical mini me.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Cafe Nervosa.
Posts: 9,698
(SuperPoster!)
6 10.2k hugs
given |
#584
__________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing." |
LostOnTheTrail
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SlumberKitty
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#585
morning couch. well i guess it's pretty much still the middle of the night where i live but i can't sleep i'm still in so much pain. this needs to let up already. i've already taken 2 of the 12 percocets the hospital prescribed, and got about 2 hours of sleep each time I took one. i didn't even think to ask them how long i can expect this pain to last. i hurt so much couchies. i just want to scream.
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CantExplain, chihirochild, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, SlumberKitty, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
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Luna's offical mini me.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Cafe Nervosa.
Posts: 9,698
(SuperPoster!)
6 10.2k hugs
given |
#586
I'm sorry your struggling so much right now Artie.
Can you take a hot bath? It might sound stupid but I listened to a few pain relief videos on youtube. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing." |
Big Poppa
Member Since Oct 2011
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 19,616
(SuperPoster!)
12 19.7k hugs
given |
#587
Disorientation strikes when you know change is going to happen. Once the changes start, you have something concrete to deal with instead of vague fears. And you can rise to the challenge.
__________________ Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc. Add that to your tattoo, Baby! |
LostOnTheTrail, SlumberKitty
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SlumberKitty
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,754
(SuperPoster!)
9 75k hugs
given |
#588
Ugh, Art, I'm sorry you're in so much pain. Did they tell you anything else you could do to help it besides the percocet? Like is there anything topical that you could put on it? Or could heat (like heating pad) or cold (ice pack) help? I've known a few people who had shingles, and they've said it was really miserable, too. I hope you feel better soon...did they say how long it usually takes to go away?
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SlumberKitty
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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,796
12 3,128 hugs
given |
#589
Thanks, CE.
__________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
CantExplain
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Magnate
Member Since May 2017
Location: Earth
Posts: 2,515
6 4,704 hugs
given |
#590
Quote:
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chihirochild, Echos Myron redux, feralkittymom, SlumberKitty
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 2,160
6 1,833 hugs
given |
#591
The therapist needs to have a good understanding of, well, basically what FKM just said. Not all Ts are trained that way or even have the capacity to understand that. The therapist also needs to have a solid sense of self, self-trust and willingness to reflect on themselves deeply. They also need to be willing to go on a bit of a journey with the client, which will involve feelings being raised for them too. They need to have the capacity to tolerate that, and also not to lose their own grounding. It's hard. I'm also very lucky in that respect.
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chihirochild, ElectricManatee, feralkittymom, SlumberKitty, unaluna
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Magnate
Member Since May 2017
Location: Earth
Posts: 2,515
6 4,704 hugs
given |
#592
Quote:
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Echos Myron redux, feralkittymom, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 2,160
6 1,833 hugs
given |
#593
Quote:
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,754
(SuperPoster!)
9 75k hugs
given |
#594
A T could also be well-trained in all that and talk the talk about things like transference and the importance of working through it and you can buy into that and you see them for years and only in retrospect can you realize that they didn't know what they were doing and likely did more harm overall than good. Referring to ex-MC here, who is psychodynamically trained and spoke seemingly knowledgeably about transference and such things. So it can be really hard to tell...And there could also be a T who isn't particularly trained in those things but who could just be really good at handling that stuff (I am *not* referring to my T here, just hypothetical).
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SlumberKitty
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feralkittymom, susannahsays
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,754
(SuperPoster!)
9 75k hugs
given |
#595
I think this therapy thing might be working! I was initially a bit upset by something my T said in his response, then (on my own) I thought about it some more and saw how it could fit into a bigger picture, like not just about this specific thing or about him/our relationship. How I could use this as a jumping off point to examine other things in my life, assumptions I make about people, etc. So...progress?
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chihirochild, Echos Myron redux, ElectricManatee, SlumberKitty
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 2,160
6 1,833 hugs
given |
#596
Quote:
I think he also didn't have that other thing I refer to above - the capacity for self-reflection and to tolerate difficult feelings (yours or his own). Training can't teach that. |
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ElectricManatee, feralkittymom, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,754
(SuperPoster!)
9 75k hugs
given |
#597
Quote:
Yes, I sometimes wonder how things would have gone if he'd been my individual therapist. Is it possible he could have helped me and we could have worked through the transference? Or would everything have just blown up much more quickly? I think the latter is much more likely because, as you said, he doesn't seem very good at self-reflection, as evidenced by what happened in our ruptures. He didn't seem to realize the effects that his wildly inconsistent boundaries had on me. He seemed able to tolerate many feelings of mine, but apparently (romantic?) love was not one of them. And he also wasn't able to handle it when I called him out on his inconsistent boundaries, as that led to him nearly yelling at me on the phone, being highly defensive, gaslighting me, and then shifting another boundary on me. |
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Echos Myron redux, ElectricManatee, Lemoncake, SlumberKitty
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Echos Myron redux
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Magnate
Member Since May 2017
Location: Earth
Posts: 2,515
6 4,704 hugs
given |
#598
Quote:
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feralkittymom, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,754
(SuperPoster!)
9 75k hugs
given |
#599
Quote:
I agree on your comment about the doubt. Ex-MC tried to convince us to stay, to work through things with him (I suspect it was partly to meet his own needs as well). I stayed longer than I wanted to because he made me feel it was important to work through it. It did feel a bit like coercion. While my current T (who I know has his flaws), whenever I've expressed doubt about him, he's just accepted it (not gotten defensive or anything), and we've discussed it. He's said if I realize I need a different T, he understands. And he's fine with my consulting with another T (and I did just that) or taking a break and going to see a different T for a stretch of time, that he's not going anywhere if I want to return to him. That he wants what's best for me. There's this part of me that wants him to be like, "I want you to stay with me," but I also know the right thing for him to do is to just let me go. So I appreciate that. |
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Lemoncake, SlumberKitty
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underdog is here
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 34,730
(SuperPoster!)
12 1 hugs
given |
#600
I am going to try to make a whitepot pudding with gluten free bread.
__________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
atisketatasket, CantExplain, SlumberKitty, unaluna
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Closed Thread |
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