Couch 194: The Floral Couch

I am a homebody and if I were tolerant enough of the men I get involved with to be in a relationship, I definitely wouldn't want one who was more adventurous. That would be damned annoying and grate against my homebody-ness.

She? Whom are we referring to?

Lori Loughlin - the university admissions scam. SD has a cruuuuush on her

He's afraid that my being in the hospital will promote regression, and support the idea that the only way I can receive care and attention from others is by being sick. He also says that the hospital is rarely therapeutic, more of a place where you are kept safe.

I guess I grudgingly agree with him? I'm just used to my therapists/psychiatrists begging me to go to the hospital and me refusing, which I was more comfortable with.

So it's about "the diagnosis you do not name" or whatever you called it. Hmph. Don't know what I think about that, but if you're on board, I guess it's all good.

My t believes the same for the most part.

Ugh, I have made a mess with t. I got angry with t, I told him why I was angry. He then emailed me back and proceeded to tell me why I was mad. He ended the email with he had an opening Monday, so he would see me then. Without even asking if that worked. Lots of assumptions going on from his.

ok just found a guy who makes me laugh like a drain he lives 500 kms away though

So I finally had a good chat with my friend. We've been having a lot of issues over the last month. I filled her in about coffee on Tues and how I told her he invited me to do it again sometime soon and said I was interesting. I told her, I laughed for hours about him calling me interesting. I think I'm a bore.
She replied with "Ok maybe if it was just that one time I could see questioning it but I met him and he was so genuine and had nothing but wonderful things to say about you and your dogs. You've showed me some of the emails over the years and he raves about you and has always been good to you. He isn't ********ting you that much for that many years. He had no reason to ask you to hang again, he thinks your interesting and enjoys your company. That is not debatable" LOL

Then she said "And before you text me saying you think T pitied you or didn't really care about you or like you, I will tell you, yes he was paid and yes he was doing a job but he was not paid to do alot of the things he did with you, the things he did with us. He wasn't paid to say all the kind things about you in all those texts or emails, he wasn't paid to say what he said in the final letter and from things we both know, he took a lot of risks with you. He didn't take those risks out of pity. There was genuine feelings there. This is not debatable either"

Sometimes...She's harsh but it's what I need. a real direct perspective on things. We went on to chat for a while and it was a good chat. She told me to remind myself of the good things people say and do and not the bad or negative ones. She told me that just because I've had **** luck with people, it does not mean the world is out to get me, some people are decent. She told me that we have had many ups and downs and I've frustrated her often, but she's still here, she reminded me she isn't being paid. She doesn't pity me. She is still here because she enjoys my company, she cares and I make her laugh.

So hopefully this can help with my mood....

My car's engine light came on. I've only driven it for 1,600 miles. Just more stress to deal with.

The noodle bake turned out fine. Except I’m not sure the chicken was gf. I didn’t notice the lack of labeling until I had eaten some and was cleaning up. So now I feel like I’m sitting on a ticking time bomb. Guess I’ll know soon enough.

I would write back and refuse the appointment and tell him he does not get to dictate a schedule to me.
That sort of thing on the part of the therapist would not be something I would tolerate

Good lord.
No - but I am not keen when women get singled out (her husband is also a part of it as well as quite a few other men) and people get all huffy.
And I think this is a pointless thing to get worked up over. To me, this is like the nutty outrage over Lance Armstrong - he is a jerk, but the idea that he enhanced his performance is really not a giant shock or great moral deficiency.

I am not sure I am going.. but also, I might gladly take it because what he basically accused me of is something that bothers me so much I need him to acknowledge it as not true.

He said that he could not be available to me all the time and that is what I was mad at. Which really just pisses me off because I am all about the boundaries. I try my hardest not cross lines. And to me it feels like I violated something if he thinks that is what I expect of him. I am well aware that he is my therapist and this it is a job and he has other clients that take his time, and a life of his own. I got angry with him this week, because what is the point of a safety plan if t does nothing. He tells me all the time that if I need him I could call/text him and he could see me. This week he knew how much pain I was in, knew I was on the cancellation list, but could not find anytime at all Monday - Friday. Also, I texted Friday morning to tell him I was feeling like my SI were getting harder to ignore and had all day that I could do something. That is my safety plan, that is what we both discussed I should do. And it took him 7 hours to respond back. Hell, he even told me during a recent trip that we would both be on for our daughters as my anxiety was bad, that if I was having a hard time I could contact him and he would take time to talk with me in person if need be. I was the one to say to him he is not my therapist outside of my office, and he said I know, but if I need him it was an option. I did not take him up on that by the way. Yet, somehow I am accused of expecting him to be available to him all the time.

I may be done with the whole therapy thing..

Your talking me down seems to be helping. My gorge is falling.

I got dirt today! This is when you know you've got the adulting thing down: Excitement about dirt.
I decided that even though it's likely we'll be selling the house mid-summer, I will still plant my garden, and because we will likely be selling, the yard needs to look good.

So a big truck dumped a giant pile of dirt in my driveway this morning. This year, they delivered the dirt we ordered. Actually, I had to call them and ask them: You delivered the wrong dirt to my house last year, and that's what I want, but I don't have any idea what it is because it wasn't what I'd ordered. They didn't have a record of it either, so the guy very patiently helped me to narrow it down by listening to me describe the dirt, then describing the four different kinds of dirt it could be. When he got to "It almost smells sweet" I said, "That's it!" because it really does smell amazing, for dirt.

So today we all hauled lots of dirt. I am dirty and exhausted and feel queasy after eating a "Good work, everyone!" celebratory donut, but it felt really good to get out in the sun and move after being cooped up sick all week.

the problem with celebrities and sports people is rhatthe public forget that they are only people who are susceptible to failings like greed envy jealousy etc

oh and the media is a very large part of the whole problem

And.... this is coming from a therapist who ended my last session so he could deal with another one of his clients who was basically throwing a fit until she got t on the phone with her. Yet I expect too much?

Since the Tower of Babel!