Couch 194: The Floral Couch

Omers—I am sure you don’t want to do this, but if your son is committing actual crimes against you, calling the police and pressing charges would be one way to deal with it. It might also get him psychiatric help.

Thats what i meant!

We are in a bind. Because of his mental health Dx the police will not take him as they cannot put him in jail. Our hospitals are all private and will not do even a 72hr hold with his disability. I have been escorted off grounds repeatedly by police for demanding care. The disability places won’t take him because of the assaults and they are already over capacity. We have been trying for 3 years! Cannot even get an hours worth of care for him. His behavioral therapist recently cut their sessions in half and they will be cut in half again in may when school lets out because my son appears to be getting worse... ahh... that was what behavioral treatment was for... I thought... in my state he either needs to commit a crime that leaves evidence and goes through the court process and proves intent OR you have to get to a gatekeeper to get to the state facilities. Most around here believe the state facility is closed but it is not... the state has gone underground with it. Even his psychiatrist does not know it is still open... even AFTER I brought in pictures I illegally took inside (a friend was one of the Chaplin’s there).

Well tomorrow is going to be an interesting day at work! I've been asked to be in customer-facing live chat allllll day - the longest I've been on it before has been 4 hours I think. I don't know yet if it's going to be only a normal 8 hour shift then I'll do my overtime working emails as usual, or if the whole 10 hours will be in live chat. I don't mind either way, it's only one day and I'm off both weekend days now woohoo since they cut the required overtime down to 5 hours per week with a max of 10 hours per week. (I'm doing the max cuz I am saving as much $$ as I can while the overtime lasts.)
h is working again this evening, so he probably won't get home til after I'm asleep... it works out pretty good that way actually cuz he's here in the mornings while I'm working so we can talk on my breaks & lunch and then I get quiet time after I get off work which is a good thing, cuz he's usually gone before I get off work. I really enjoy having these evenings to myself...

If I am not here he gets an immediate placement in residential where he cannot hurt anyone else.

Hey couchies. The little's birthday went over well and we are all exhausted. I have to drive home from my oldest's still, and wake up early for work tomorrow. Hopefully you're all having a good evening.

omg there is a cockatoo who sounds exactly like static it sits in my neighbours tree it goes for hours

I have a cat for that

******trigger warning for talk of suicide******





I met with the pdoc today.. when he asked me if I had any SI or a plan I said yes(talked a little bit about my thoughts) and as always follow up with I have a safety plan with my therapist though. Which apparently I didn’t to say because the next words out of my doctors mouth was, oh you don’t want to really kill yourself you just like the idea of dying to get away from everything (something along those lines). Great way to
Feel completely invalidated and not listened to at all. I hate all professionals right now.

Holy **** healed. I am so sorry you had to deal with that. He had no place at all to say something like that. None. Hugs

I hate my H. He literally threw a temper tantrum: threw food and water bottles all around. What happened is that we got fast food for dinner. I accidentally gave my dad H's burger. When H found out, he blew his lid. So then he went to another fast food place and they messed up on his food. So when he got home and figured it out, he threw all his food everywhere, and picked up a package of water bottles and threw them. So I have chicken all over the entryway, 1/2 bath, and coat closet, and water all over the kitchen.

I don't know how I'm supposed to do all of this without T and L...and cigarettes. I just want to die.

Hugs to Omers, Healed, and Scarlet

Ugh, we got the most recent explanation of benefits from H's insurance tonight, and it seems that, despite us having the same insurance plan we've had for the last 7 years, they're now allowing considerably less as the charge for a therapy session. Which means we could end up paying more like $95 out of pocket instead of $70. Which is a huge difference when I'm going twice a week. H will call insurance in the morning to confirm. But I'm worried I'll have to try to negotiate with T on cost to keep seeing him twice a week for at least a couple months. I'm scared that, say, $30/week might be more important than my well-being to him...For the record, he doesn't have a particularly full schedule, based on when I ask him for an extra session. And I think some of his clients are shorter term (sport psychology), so maybe it would be worth it to him to take a little less from me to know he has twice-weekly income? Still, I'm scared he'll say no, and I'll feel like just a number. Even though he did say he could work with me on cost if H lost his job (there were some layoffs a few months ago--thankfully, H was spared) and he's said he let one client who was in a particularly bad way financially pay $5/session for a few months.

ETA: We could likely make if work if I saw him, say, twice a week every other week. Like twice a month. But I figure that would make scheduling really complicated.

So I tried to rectify the problem by cooking for dinner. We had whole grain penne pasta, ground turkey, and meat sauce... The pasta was horrible! Not a good day for food.

I can feel myself spiraling into a rage about something and I can't seem to find the brakes. My seatbelt is jammed, so I can't ditch out. Folks, we might be headed for an explosion.

Just breathe —- you control you , don’t let anyone or any thing control you. You can prevent you from the explosion .. only you

Hi Lola!!!!

Good to see you Lola!

Lola come back and play!!

But... maybe they deserve to feel the flames of my righteous fury?